RE: It is not about him- OP

I do indeed live in the Hamptons and believe me, there are plenty of nutjobs and N's here year-round, haha! My poor kids get hassled everyday (with slurs like, gay, stupid jew, spic), and the men and women here are even more crazy...the summer visitors from the city are uber-narcs, and the locals are so sequestered and "inbred" that we constantly have our share of racial strife, drunk driving, wacko cops and crack houses. The disparity of wealth makes it even more apparent. The Hamptons year-round are the perfect place for the marginal and disenfranchised to escape and disappear...we have a VERY strange alchemy of unbalanced ex-pats from normal society..and we are of course the home to a very famous Narc- Peter Cook, who slept with his 16 year old assistant (whose parents I know) and drove Christie Brinkley crazy! (I believe Kourtney Kardashian's new husband is also from the Hamptons, and he is a HOT mess of N-ness.) And in the summer, EVERY narc who needs superficial attention comes out of the woodwork...ridiculously expensive cars start zooming down the streets, nightclubs overflow with those who need to be seen, and patrons of local businesses treat locals in the service industry like total crap. Hence, the kids and I go to more local, less chic beaches, and I never frequent hotspots. Likewise, I rarely frequent the "local" bars, where the people are just as crazy and feel just as entitled in the reverse. There is homelessness here, a huge gang and drug problem, and the domestic violence shelters are jam packed. Beautiful area, with lots of history- whaling, fishing, farming, etc. Incredible beaches...But seeing a woman walk into 7-11 in a thong (like I did last week) just reminds me of the demographic! Seeing a toothless guy with a mullet on the corner waiving a sign about "them Mexicans" also makes me insane. And let's not forget the fact that the town insignia is a pilgrim, where there still exists an Indian reservation that felt the arrogance of white settlers first-hand. OY!

Hey ladies! Thanks so much for writing! That is so sweet of you and very appreciated! Honestly, rather than being hurt, I just felt like retreating would be the wise move, as I certainly did not want to make anyone else feel bad. Just because I stand by my statments does not mean that there aren't any other possibilities... Maybe it is my terse style of writing, learned from years of legal writing and journalism.It can be seen as being rigid maybe. The statement about healthy men being attracted to a certain type of woman is I think true...in general, a man who has his head together is seeking the same. My comment about abusers and who they target should be clarified...abusers will of course see if they can get over on anyone, but each and every predator has their own predilictions of course. When I say that they move on to the next person when we are impervious (for me that means something different than to someone else)? It is akin to then paying no mind to someone who gives them no supply. No attention, no feedback whether it be postive or negative. My sister was with a guy when she was in her 20s and they had a torturous 4 year relationship in which after the breakup she always wondered what if... Almost a deacde later they meet up, start dating...entertaining his phone calls, going out for dinner, no sex though, as per her decision. She was just living her life as the grown woman she had become...and then the subtle mind fuck began...I saw her fall into it a bit for a few weeks...saw a glimpse of that beaten down girl she once was years ago with him. Suddenly, she texts me and said "ooops! I almost drank the kool aid!" I was SOOOO f*cking PROUD of her! My very powerful in business making big bucks a year sister said she started to notice feelings of self-doubt, body dysmorphia, sadness, anxiety,...all when this asshole came back into her life. She cut it off in a New York minute. She didn't want to...she still loves him, but she did it anyway. Didn't try to change him, didn't try to change for him. My beautiful sister is now with a great guy, who she can act silly in front of, eat as much chocolate around, thinks she is brilliant and gorgeous when she wakes up with no makeup on, but also calls her out on her shit occassionally in a rational, constructive, kind way...she said that it "feels right with this guy...and she can really notice the difference..." My sis has boundaries now, a strong sense of self and trust in her own insticts, and she knows how to protect herself and her kids. Is she vulnerable? Yes, with people who deserve her trust. She is kind, empathetic, loving and was raised in a fucked-up household...yet she triumphed anyway. And the asshole? He is pissed off! But he ain't coming around! This is an example to what I was referring to in my comment. Are there many other permutations and experiences? Absolutely. Thanks again, chicas! And as for the concept of being pissed off at oneself, or any variation of self-blame...NO way! Don't we all do the best we can with what we know? In yoga, any negative person is seen as a yogi...a teacher...giving us a lesson...about what we dont want in our lives, how to avoid it in the future, and most importantly, what we DO want for ourselves. Please excuse typos, blah blah, cause I am on my cell, watching two kids in either direction, with the sun in my eyes, typing in the tiniest print! Xoxoxo