Rambling here so I don't make a mistake and contact

Just need to get this off my chest. My life was literally a soap opera with my exN. I know it sounds cliché and even kind of funny, and now I am so embarrassed of this fact that I just have to get it out. I can’t tell anyone else. We met on a soap opera website. I explained how we seemed to have the same problems, and was “helping “each other past our hard times. I myself had just had 2 miscarriages and I was in absolutely no shape to meet anyone. I guess she was messed up too, but we clicked. I moved a thousand miles to be with her. Ugh. She had two beautiful kids, and really she is not the nurturing type of person. Shocker I know…I can see so much in hind sight. I raised the kids. Her ex even told me I was nothing but a nanny and maid. Those words haunt me today. It’s weird, but I really didn’t even equate my life literally being a soap opera until quite a few years after we met. We watched a soap that had a gay couple (females) we bonded over this, that’s the site we met on. I noticed that when the character on the soap opera got a ring, I got a ring. That’s when I thought it was strange, but whatever. I even asked her if that’s why I got a ring. We had been together 6 years by this point. The summer we broke up and she flipped out on me and started stonewalling me; the soap opera was due to end. UGH! I see it and I always wanted to believe I was just stretching, but it’s clear to me now, that even other shows we watched she would steal ideas from. She was very into pop culture, so watching TV and movies were a norm with us even as a family. I guess the fog is starting to lift. Today is day 14 that I have had NC with her. The longest I have gone in 9 years. I was feeling sad, and lonely, and wanted to hear her voice. Even though she has told me that the OW is more connected to her spiritually than I ever was. We were soul mates mind you; we could feel what the other person was feeling. Or at least I could, and she said she did. Some of the NarcSpeak lines are lines she said to me at one time or another almost word for word. I can’t really deny she is a fake any longer. If she did call, I know I couldn’t trust her, and frankly I don’t even like her. I just want to be wanted I guess. Sorry this is long; I just had to get this rambling out. Thanks