Rainbeau's Story

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#1 May 17 - 3AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Rainbeau's Story

I knew my narc for 13 years before getting seriously romantic with him. He was his 'ideal self' for the whole 13 years. 5 weeks into dating and living together, he started exploding in rage, directed at ME for the first time. Usually, his rage was based on delusions and mistaken thinking or what he thought was true that wasn't.

I'd been around as a friend for years. I'd heard him raging at his kids an Mother who he lived with. He never, ever raised his voice to me and was always supportive. Until he wasn't.

Since we started dating, I am always the bad guy and he constantly tells me I am wrong, not important, silly, stupid, etc.

He re-invents reality to suit his ego. He'll be cruel in a certain way and later accuse me of doing it to him.

He threw me out one day, saying he was done with me. I stayed at a friend's that night. The next day he moved my stuff out....despite my request to wait...we should talk first. He screamed at me and everyone around me for 10 days when we saw him. He later accused me of cherry picking reality...that out of everything he ever said, I had to focus on that 20 minute tantrum where he threw me out. He claimed that I was insensitive to his feelings. I should have known that he was just talking out of anger. A week later, he was claiming that he NEVER threw me out and that I just made that up. He's yelled at me for 'abandoning his kids' by moving out, not being in the dog's life. (right?)

The weird part is that he has an alternate reality in his head that doesn't match regular reality. He claims we were dating for YEARS, when we weren't. He accused me of having affairs with his brother and friend.(completely untrue-and they're really gross men (the kind that pee their pants) I was heavily pressured (by him) to be kind and patient with them because they are so defective. Who knew I'd be punished for it? Ugh.

He xploded whenever I wanted to be close to him (after the first 5 weeks). Several times, I was all dolled up, making dinner and wanting romance when he would start his head games....accusing me of criticizing, being angry, being condescending or whatever negative mindstate he projected at me. It absolutely was not true. It gave me enough perspective to know that he just wants to pick a fight. If I noticed his mindstate and left the house, he'd be screaming at his Mother or kids later. I gave him space and he stopped coming to bed (until 6 or 7 am), claiming insomnia. Then, after 3 months of ignoring me, he accused me of rejecting him. I laughed and told him what had been going on. (he thought he came to bed every night) He said he felt like 'he'd been gone or something' and didn't recall any of that time period. Oddly, his hearing was way worse during that period of time. He may disassociate, no? My Mother did. (undiagnosed) I notice small cues.

My friend is gone....he never existed. He was acting like a nice guy....but secretly was having a fantasy world. He has admitted his bitterness, anger, game playing etc.

The only thing he hasn't done is admit that his anger is an issue. He is currently trying to prove his argument that expressing anger is good. That justifies his behavior. He is always quick to point out other people's anger and tell his kids that anger is normal and good.

It is....but spewing your anger all over everyone, making false accusations and saying things you don't mean that destroy relationships with others is not healthy nor responsible. Feeling and transforming anger is one thing. Taking it out on anyone around is another. I have noticed that he doesn't like it when people in bad moods take the wrong tone with him.

He is now revealing himself to be greedy, possessive, selfish, angry, arrogant, elitist, argumentative, abusive and hostile....and he can justify it all. He has no problem. None. It's everyone else that is argumentive, stubborn and angry, and controlling. No more Mr. Nice Guy. Ha ha ha. He never was anything but a snow job. I only lasted 8 months. I'll leave with my sanity....thanks.

I still can't believe that he raged at me for months, threw me out in a rage...DIDN'T MEAN IT and wants me back, yet still can't admit that his rage is an issue.