raging texts...I was never so hurt

I understand, the only way I can make sense of this hate, and try to deal with it, is to remind myself the of things he said at the begining that I could not process (I didnt know Narc) but now I see like this one. He told me his exwife was always insecure and accused him of being unfaithful ( go figure) So he told me : So if I'm always beeing accused of being unfaithful by my wife, what's the problem to actually go ahead and be unfaithful, because I'm already being accused of it. Now try and wrap your head around that one.

The rage has been directed toward me lately too. It's my fault he has no "peace, optimism, beauty and philosophy in life". I'm a "emotionless whore", "a hole that needs to be plugged by any dick that feigns interest", "inferior to his supreme intellect", and so much more. It hurts so bad. I am to blame for everything! It's my fault he withdrew love & sex, "because I wasn't showing any care, respect, or love". It's insane that he believes this crap about me. I gave everything I'd had emotionally & financially. Nothing was ever good enough. I'd change & somehow that'd be wrong too. The contridictions, lies, broken promises, rage, blame, denial, projection, verbal abuse is too much. Somehow he feels justified by all of his beliefs and mine are devalued. I'd never felt so low and mistreated in my life. I want to hurt him physically. I really do.

How much does it cost to buy the app to block him???? This has got to stop!! You are too vulnerable and sensitive and NEW to recovery to handle this!! Let's DO something about blocking him, OK? Tell me how much it costs. This is insane. It's like having a rat hole he can keep slithering through.

I know it hurts :( This is a pure example of narcissistic rage however...it's not necessarily that he always thought that about you, because when you were compliant and in love with him and there for him whenever he needed a fix, he loved it. But when you stopped playing his game...well, time for a 2-year old style tantrum. I know I experienced the same, stop playing their game and the mask comes off and it's very ugly underneath. They may have different patterns but all Ns will try different tactics to get responses. To him, any attention is good attention. Try to remember that this nasty anger is not about you, and none of it was ever about you because he's not capable. This is about his own needs that now aren't being met by you. xoxo

I know your strenghth as I have heard it in your voice. I have told you many times, I know you will be alright. The man texts you "crazy stabbing german fangirl" for a SELFISH purpose. He wants to hurt you and he has hurt you. SOB! I'm sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts today. Next time, don't hurt yourself by reading (you know this) and I am not trying to tell you what to do. I am mad that he hurt you. DELETE DELETE DELETE....Sending a virtual hug...Your wonderful and you can beat this. You are so strong.

YOU are as shocked as I was to get hate filled, venomous letter from my EXN some months ago, becasue i had suggested he revisit his relationship with his mother, that might be the key to his unable to sustain a relationship with a women, as he told me years ago.. Called me a whore,slut,offering free sex on the internet, first come first served, as Mariline said they have opposite thinking, so I am really a SAINT!LOL EVERYTHING out of their mouths is garabag and Bullshit, they cannot tell right from wrong, as she told me and it is true. They say the most hateful things to get reactions from us, you just need to work through it and consider the source, that is helping me a lot....

that shit from your N. You are human & It honestly takes a while to be able to go from knowing in your head that you shouldn't read anything he sends you to be able to actually stop reading it. And to be able to stop reacting to it in your heart, the whole emotion thing behind it, that can take a very long time. And the N could be in another galaxy and it would still get to you. Please don't beat yourself up over how you're feeling in reaction to this. With regards to his actual text - please try not to take it on board. Try not to put any value in any insults he throws at you & try not to tell yourself this is all I was to him the whole time, this is what he felt the whole time. This man is very, very disturbed & he is trying to hurt you. He is intentionally saying horrible things, stupid ridiculous horrible things, to try to hurt you, to get a reaction out of you. Imagine him as a nasty species of animal that lives by feeding off your emotions - he is trying to provoke you, get a negative reaction because it will produce strong emotions in you and for him that is yummy food. This man is very, very disturbed & you are right to be shocked to your bones. But try your hardest, if you can, not to take his stupid, absurd insults to heart. Such ridiculous words! You are a wonderful woman & that is why he kept bothering you for two years. And now he's throwing tantrums simply because he's lost control of you and he's looking for another serving of emotion-food. Delete the texts, don't bother to reply - he's not worth your valuable time to even acknowledge that message. Big hugs, Ava xxxoo

I know hun, it can hurt so much. While he knows that he can invoke this kind of emotion in you to give himself a thrill over his power, he actually has no concept how it actually feels to experience this pain. He is a dead fish on the inside, and these little thrills he gets by eliciting pain in others is the closest he can ever get to having a 'good' feeling. Horrific I know, but sadly true. You however have all the emotional tools to survive this and heal, the pain you are feeling is testament in itself. Everybody he comes into contact with is merely a plaything, and how useful to him you are is how long he stays. By being useful you have to be supplying him with adoration, money, ego stroking, etc. Love is an alien concept to them, it is only about supply to their instant superficial needs or gratification. Ripping off his mask sends him sprinting. They actually most often have contempt for us in that we are these emotional mushy things that let ourselves be used and exploited because of it. Personally I am not giving up my ability to give love for anything, but these sad pathetic creatures will never ever know what that means. Just don't intend to love any of these types again. Hugs to you, the shock of coming to terms with the real evil that lurks under the polished exterior is tough, but you will get there.