Question for Barbara...what about the ones that control their rage?

HI After I told him No Contact (Like 2 yrs into the decade of crazycontolling abuse) because of physical abuse, he was able to contol the outright identifable raging physical abuse, cause he said that he didn't need to use "it" anymore cause theres other ways to control me! kept on that this relationship just won't work unless I am submissive and I don't need to control you, you control yourself.(so I believed) yes by then even the threat of abuse did control me to an extent among the other effective tactics. But he did continue to use rage disguised, like the cold killing stare I have never ever experience or have witness in any other human being, but he would be physicaly aggressive in other ways, like always pushing me, poking or jabbing me, grabbbing me,kick or throw me, knock into me while I was near the stove or coffee tables etc. >>>> hey I guess he did continue with the physical abuse...just that it wasn't as extreme as I had experience before!!! Hey I am now 4 mths NO contact and just as I am writing this now I went from he stopped the physical abuse to just now realizing that he really didn't!! Wow I am amazed at all the denial I seem to be very good at it. :)

I read an entry on the internet written by a fellow who said he was a psychopath. He wrote that a narcissist explodes in rage to intimidate the object to submit to his will. A psychopath, on the other hand, lies in wait. Gets what he wants calmly. So superior to the narcissist & to the person from whom he is extracting. The psychopath reveals himself the day he springs the trap. That is the day he is no longer interested in the object & discards it. Reveals himself, so to say, to the devastation of the one who has been used, manipulated & trusting. That's how a psychopath gets his jollies. They feel so superior to all of us & use our own emotions against ourselves, getting us to submit & to empty our lifeblood into them on the tawdry belief of love. These cold fish are evil. Anybody who talks in that superior tone of voice that the woman cannot control her emotions--that man is a snake, an evil person.

Mine was also 'proud' of his ability to control his anger (he did lose his temper a few times though) and would frequently berate me for not having any control over my anger. Once I learned anger management, though, he could no longer hold this over my head although he would do his best to instigate with his incessant need to debate every little thing; there was no having a normal conversation with him.

mine was so proud to be passive aggressive. he bragged about it as if it were a positive trait. he was a big fan of making snide comments and going for the jugular with an offhand, cold, hurtful comment... then refusing to even acknowledge you, as if you were below him. His voice would be emotionless, but his eyes would be so cold and hateful. My own mother even commented on it when I was in the hospital, crying for him to comfort me, and he just stood on the opposite end of the room staring blankly at me, as if to say "how dare you inconvenience and embarrass me by being here, being so sick - you deserve nothing". I only ever saw him lose his cool once - towards the end of the relationship, when I had completely given up, and feeling completely alone, isolated from my family a thousand miles away, with no car, no money of my own (he had managed to guilt me into quitting my job so i could be his perfect stay at home stepford wife), and unable to see my friends.. only forced to answer to him and beg him for everything, had begun confiding in a male friend via instant messages while he was gone at work.. and let things get too far in my desperation, loneliness, and intense need at that point to be understood and cared for by someone.. anyone. That was when he lost it, and frankly I had seen such a lack of emotion from him that I was scared for my life. He broke my cellphone when I tried to call for help - he grabbed it from my hand and threw it onto the ground, left my arms black and blue, and nearly broke down the bathroom door trying to get to me after I locked myself in to try to call anyone i could. He ended up throwing me out the door of our apartment in the cold with no shoes and locking me out for 2 hours while he threw every item i owned into a giant pile on the middle of the floor. It was horrifying... like years of welled up rage and hate were just pouring out of him.

control rage? or more COVERT and Passive Aggressive in expressing it? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller