question about the silent treatment

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Oct 14 - 5PM (Reply to #35)
iAmMINE
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sick of it & Narcissism...

You a 'n'.... (???) NO way... you can't be "sick of it" and be a narc too. Sorry, that one don't BElong to you either... (((sick of it))) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 14 - 5PM (Reply to #36)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

I dont know I am mine

I dont know I am mine sometimes I can be pretty vain but I do know I have empathy. I cant watch any kind of violent movie or anything where children are harmed. I cant watch anything where people are being mean to other people. I know I am an empath but I also have some narcissistic traits too. The fact that I would want to feed the narch boy like a drug pusher scares me.
Oct 14 - 5PM (Reply to #37)
iAmMINE
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If u still feel like an 'n'....

after this?? You need a really long hot herbal bath... http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_the_difference_between_healthy_narcissism_and_pathological_narcissism PS: and "feeding" off them??... that's called survival... and now you get to step up and go higher now ;) NOTE: recipe here 4bath, http://www.vainencounters.com/forum/2010/10/11/why-didnt-i-see-it#comment-67993 ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 14 - 3PM (Reply to #25)
jen79
jen79's picture

if you talk about the devil....shall I delete?

I had my cellphone off for 2 days, just put it on now. And guess who has sent me a text... I am not sure to read it, it is a media message, that I can only watch in the internet (cause sent from canada). I think i am going to delete it. But you see its ecactly what i am talking about. He gives you the ST, out of any stupid reason, I said goodbuy to him in a fair and decent manner, knowing he wont answer anyway...and now he comes back, with any BS, sure with a pic, or just a damn x. Son of a bitch.
Oct 14 - 6PM (Reply to #31)
Alive
Alive's picture

SON

OF A GUN, by Janet Jackson and Missy Elliott now that is a song....:)
Oct 14 - 3PM (Reply to #26)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Jen . . . .

(big deep booming radio guy voice) You have the power of the Universe in one finger. Look at your finger, and know you have the power to shut him up forever in one . . . little . . . press.
Oct 14 - 3PM (Reply to #27)
jen79
jen79's picture

LOOOl Briseis

you kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOOOL Just deleted the BS. Son of a bitch. Ladies, let this is be a lesson, the assclown narc always comes back, till you go NC, or till you call his dick a small ugly bratwurst.
Oct 14 - 3PM (Reply to #28)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I can't wait

till we get to the new forum, because I want to post a picture of a million people celebrating :D
Oct 14 - 3PM (Reply to #29)
jen79
jen79's picture

Oh I so much want the new forum too Briseis

and did I mention already, how ugly I find him now? I am soooo thankful, these feelings are now gone. And so sudden? Maybe it was really the suffi priest and his holy water...
Oct 14 - 3PM (Reply to #30)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

The sufi priest could have

The sufi priest could have held you under a tank of holy water until you black out and unless you WANTED to be rid of him and the horrible pain and suffering, you would have come back up asking the priest "But what is he THINKING RIGHT NOW????" LOL. You opened the door and let the healing IN. You. You allowed a powerful healing ritual to heal you, Jen. It all breaks down to us being willing to let go. If we aren't willing to let go, not even an atom bomb can make us let go. It's all free will on this Planet.
Oct 14 - 2PM (Reply to #23)
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

sick of it.....

honey, give him the silent treatment.
Oct 14 - 2PM
Alive
Alive's picture

Thankyou

thankyou, thankyou, you lovely ladies, i needed to read this. Will try and post why soon. We (MY FAMILY) all share the computer. Must gox
Oct 14 - 1PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

He's ignoring me and I want

He's ignoring me and I want to have the last word I know I shouldn't but I want to be the one to ignore his texts I know what he is but I want to go out with the last word
Oct 14 - 1PM (Reply to #17)
jen79
jen79's picture

sick of it

If I learned something with them, they always come back one day. The question is, will you be prepared for that rollercoaster again, when he does? The N is right now in silent treatment with me as well, but before of course he had to mention to me that he comes to Madrid this months. He gives me now the silent treatment, cause I refused to be the casual willing cyber whore, and dared to ask him what he wants from me after all this pain he put me through. He then said, every word you say, says stay away. And so I will. Then he texted me that with Madrid, so I know he is in Europe. SO what he did was, putting the control back to him. Thinking I will try to convince him to speak to me again. Really who does that? Which adult? I know he will text one day again, maybe in 2 or 3 months. So do you want to wait for that to happen? You go now NC, you have the last word, NC is an inner decision. Its a vow to your inner self, to never ever let him in again. Like in the movies, vampires can only step in the house, when you invited them in.
Oct 14 - 6PM (Reply to #18)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Jen 79

Yes I am all too familiar with the coming back. I have never posted my story but many of you who have seen my posts know that I reconnected with him after 15 freakin years! So yes I know they come back like nothing ever happened. Its just in what is now my sick poisioned mind, I want to WIN. I want him jonesing for my supply I want to fill him up with his drug and then make him go cold turkey. I have wanted to make my supply better than anyother solely for that purpose. I know its sick but thats where I at
Oct 14 - 10PM (Reply to #19)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Sick of it

Knowing this about yourself is the beginning of getting free of it. You can't change what you can't admit, so this is good. You'll get ready to stop the sick game playing with him. I suspect beneath the sick game playing addiction/compulsion is some really painful stuff that you don't want to face. You've said before that your life was "happy" before the N came back into your life . . . and I was thinking about that, and you know, when you are really happy and OK, a person doesn't DO things that threaten the foundations of their marriage and life (like an affair).
Oct 14 - 10PM (Reply to #20)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Breisis

I can honestly say I have led a happy life. I mean we have struggles like any other couple but there arent any deep dark issues there. Its just him. He has always been my weakness. I never got over him the first time. I never did. So therein I believe is where the issue lies. I have all the stuff from round one plus all the stuff from round 2 to deal with. I have to cope with the fact that he has done this to me twice. I have to mourn round 1 and 2. I truly believed that maybe we were supposed to be together. I have so so so many weird coincidences with him and Initially in true Narc fashion he swept me off my feet again and I wanted it to be real and true.
Oct 14 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I can relate with this. You

I can relate with this. You don't have to say a WORD to have the last word, Sick of it. Block his texts and calls and emails. Do it today. That is the last "word". Imagine what he would think when he deems your "punishment" has lasted long enough (read: he's horny or his current supply cut him off) and he tries to text you and it bounces. Over and over and over again. His calls are blocked over and over, and his emails bounce over and over. Can you think of any BETTER way to say DIE SCUM SUCKING NARC? You literally couldn't say it any better in words.
Oct 14 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

Need your bouncing advice Briseis

I have 'n' blocked on everything, but yahoo mail. (was saving emails for restraining/no contact order) Is there a way to block and have "bounce" back to him his emails on yahoo mail? I have looked within my settings and I am not finding it. What a wonderful way to get the "last word" ;) ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 14 - 3PM (Reply to #15)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I don't thinks so IamMINE

If yahoo mail is anything like gmail, you can't block people. All you can do is automatically have emails sent from them into the Trash or Spam. Which is kind of fitting . . . But then you have to have the self discipline to dump the trash without going through it :)
Oct 14 - 4PM (Reply to #16)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

yeah... I already did that...

his emails were going to the "bulk" mail... (I've now found and implemented the setting that just keeps me from ever "seeing" his emails... OK... so now I have to embrace that I just block mySelf from getting/seeing anymore... without "having the last word"???... hmmm Kinna sux, but ok... NC NC NC NC NC NC NC @all ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 14 - 1PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

He's ignoring me and I want

He's ignoring me and I want to have the last word I know I shouldn't but I want to be the one to ignore his texts I know what he is but I want to go out with the last word
Oct 16 - 1AM (Reply to #11)
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

"last words & moot points"...

There NEVER is a "last word" with them. Have you ever played chess? ~ trying to get the "last word" is like being in 'check' over & over and over & over again... Your Queen is gone and you move your last few Pawns around your King for the proverbial win... FInally, the one who faces the reality simply knocks the King over and forfeits the GAME. Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 14 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

There's a difference between

There's a difference between the silent treatment and a D&D. In your sitch, because it is not an everyday type relationship, where you see each other day in and out, it would be kind of hard to tell. This is an opportunity for you to take responsibility for your healing. This isn't just about what HE means . . . . it's also about what YOU want in spite of him.
Oct 14 - 12PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

i think they wait a while to

i think they wait a while to employ this. they wait until they get tired of 'courting' you and when you start to act up, they do it so you can be like 'oh, i caused this'...
Oct 14 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

fierflie

no they do it until they are sure they have the power...then they do it knowing you will be asking yourself what you have done...and when they come back you are so gratful and pleased to see them...they get even more power..
Oct 14 - 12PM
iAmMINE
iAmMINE's picture

Silent Treatment

You ask: "...hope that you'll just get tired and frustrated and go away?" Goodness no... they do not want you to go away, quite the opposite actually. They want to keep you on edge, they want you cowering, doubting and fearing and questioning their motives for it. See, when they are giving the silent treatment (and I know I did the following for a bit) you'll be jumping thru hoops to get them to at least talk to you again. ie waiting on them hand and foot, telling them how wonderful they are, how much you need them, etc. You'll be expressing your fears (which is a delicacy to them) you'll have fear evident in your eyes and actions. You may even cry when trying to get them to 'forgive you' for whatever you've done. (PS: watch for the grin and sneers when you weep by the way ;) The reason you can't figure out what you've done to cause such a 'punishment' is because you DID NOTHING. It doesn't matter to them. All they want is c-o-n-t-r-o-l

~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~

~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them.

Oct 14 - 12PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

did you rea dthe article i

did you rea dthe article i just posted about this? i have adandonment issues too, and i was stupid enought o tell him. then he did it constantly. it's better than beating me with a belt! only not really. they do it because it is the shittiest trick in their bag. who doesnt freak out at being ignored. look at what they do!
Oct 14 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Yes Fierflie I read it but

Yes Fierflie I read it but In my case I still dont get what he gets from it. Thanks for the post sweets!
Oct 14 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
Used
Used's picture

fierflie

yes but look how they are when you do it back..so as far as i am concerned... its the biter now beign bitten!!!! the narc , i nearly wrote my narc , he is not my anything any more...to me he is a BLOT ON THE LANDSCAPE...the narc has showed himself up so many times this year trying to get me back..lol not going to happen..