Question about recovery

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#1 Dec 11 - 7AM
Not-this-time
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Question about recovery

Over the weekend, I have been feeling good about myself. I still read a lot on this site and lately, I've been reading more about cognitive dissonance, stockholm syndrome and brainwashing. I want to gain a better understanding of what made me stay and allowed this person to have so much effect on my self-esteem and self-worth.

As I was lying in bed last night, it hit me. I no longer want to analyze the situation. I've done so much analyzing, trying to understand him, trying to understand me and trying to understand everything. I don't know if I hit information overload. Then, I felt depressed. I felt like life is empty. I think this whole time, I was so focused and obsessed with the N, then it moved to me just trying to make it through the day maintaining NC. Now, I think I just got bored obsessing about him and trying to survive this ordeal that I feel like I need to do something else to move forward. I don't know if I am making sense.

I feel like I am in between 2 planes. But to let go of this one and step to the next level is scary because this was so familiar to me. Does anyone have this experience?

I am not saying that this doesn't hurt but I think I am just so tired of this part of my life, and I think it's time to do me right.

Dec 12 - 2AM
Janie53
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Not this time

Dec 12 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
Not-this-time
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janie

Dec 11 - 7PM
NoMoreFreakBoy
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You nailed it for me tonight

Dec 11 - 9AM
Done sourcing
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Standing on the bridge

Dec 11 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
Not-this-time
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Wow, DS!

Dec 11 - 7AM
Goldie
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Obsession mode keeps you out of feeling mode

Dec 11 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
Not-this-time
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Thanks Goldie!

Dec 11 - 1PM (Reply to #6)
femnarc
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the cusp

Dec 11 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
Not-this-time
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Hello Femnarc!

Dec 11 - 7AM
spinning
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yes, yes, yes, n-t-t,

spinning

Dec 11 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Not-this-time
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Spinning you guys are just really awesome!

Dec 11 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Pumpkin
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Absolutely

Pumpkin