I don't think anyone will know the answer to this, unless J's wife is here, but I'll ask anyway. Why does she stay with him? I know for a fact that she knows he cheats, because she actually confronted me via email. It was after a 3-month d&d, and at that time he and I were communicating only by phone. I told her I wasn't having an affair with him. She told me she didn't trust him, and he gave her reason to. I was pretty sure, even though he denied it, that I wasn't the first. He and his wife had been married for 13 years when he and I started, and we lasted 9 years. The way he described her, she sounded like an awful, selfish, controlling and self-absorbed person. Now, from what I've learned here, maybe that was projection? I have to believe she loves him and values her marriage, and I actually wrote that in the email to her. She never responded to that. He makes good money, he's handsome, funny, intelligent and charasmatic. I used to be very jealous of her, because she had what I wanted. Now, I kind of feel sorry for her. Does he to do her what he did to me? Or could it be worse? Or is it possible he's only a Narc to me?