Posted on that website this morning.

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#1 Apr 23 - 10AM
Deidre40
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Posted on that website this morning.

I vascillate between not posting and posting on that site we belong to. I admit. I felt stronger, and better not posting. So, now that I did...I think I'm going to back on my hiatus. It's hard to not post, when you've developed friendships with folks on there.

Anyways...

He was online this morning, almost immediatedly logged in after I did. *eye roll* He posted a scantilly dressed woman in a thread...and made a sexist comment. Oh gosh, ladies...why did I go out with this man? :=(

Anyways. I don't care about all that. Inside, he's an immature child. I know this. I thought today, why should I abandon a site where I have friends...and so on. Yes, I need to heal. I have decided to not frequent it like I used to, and that is for my own sake.

But, I won't let him drive me away. He still has those profile comments up. And his postings are informational...like his whereabouts...and so on. (for my benefit, no doubt) No, he wasn't reporting from HELL. :D Oh, I'm funny.

Anyways...I wonder if this can be likened to FB peeking. I don't have a page active anymore, and so there's no temptation there. This is worse than FB, in the sense that a lot of information is exchanged...but, I kept mine to a minimum. I posted my workout log, and in a few other spots. Decided to stay out of threads he's in, for the most part.

I find it hilarious that here is a guy who started ARGUMENTS with me over wanting me to cease posting on that site. And here he is posting up a storm. I don't get these people. Except to say, he wanted to post, and didn't like me posting...just another form of control. It just makes me wonder what his motives were for wanting me off the site, when we were dating, and now he is on there...chatting everyone up. *ugh*

If people knew the real him, he'd have no friends. I will not expose him. I am trying to just let this all go...for he is not worth my mental or emotional energy anymore. But, it hurts that I trusted the untrustworthy. The men on that site gravitate to him like he's a god. It makes me sick. The women on the site, sent me pm's saying...you can do muuuuch better, Dee. MUCH. LOL So, whatever.

Curious if any of you belong to another website where you both post, and is it hard for you? Did time just heal that awkwardness? Hope everyone's doing well today!

Apr 23 - 11AM
prettypeeved
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As I've explained elsewhere,

As I've explained elsewhere, I do use another site and it's generally not "hard" as such because I can block him. Unfortunately the block isn't as total as I'd like so he finds ways to draw my attention back to him through the "gaps". Like you I don't want to leave the site because I don't see why I should leave a site full of friends. It's not awkward, just a reminder that stops me from forgetting him. I did find another thread here interesting (can't remember which one it was) where the person in question had a similar situation and thought her narc was desperately looking for validation.
Apr 23 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Deidre40
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pretty peeved

That's it! It's a reminder of the past. And the past isn't all that long ago, since we broke up two weeks ago. He posted ANOTHER pic of a skanky porn chick. haha Honestly. Ladies? What did I see in this man? A friend of mine said something very poignant, though about all this. She said...''that's his world, Dee. He lives for attention. He wants your attention, and anyone else's attention, because his life lacks so much.'' It got me to thinking that's probably true. I am reminded of the movie, Saturday Night Fever...where John Travolta is a relative 'nobody' during the day...has a crappy job, lives at home with his mom. But, on Sat night...he goes to this danceclub where he shines, and is seen as a god...a star. Women want him. Men idolize him. I find this site to be like that. Where he can get his ego filled very rapidly...online. Whereas in real life, he doesn't do so good. His job sucks. He has had 4 failed marriages. He has NO relationship with all three of his kids from different marriages. I guess I'd need to get my ego stroked online too, if my offline life was that dismal. But, that's of his own doing, see. A narcissist won't admit that though. Everything. Is someone else's fault. So, yes it's a reminder. I can put him on ignore...but, I am going to just deal with it. He posted that pic of that skanky chick ...who he stopped posting to respect me. haha Now, he's back to his old ways. A female poster sent me a private message...''welp, looks like he's back to his old self.'' Yep. As long as he doesn't say anything bad about me on there, I will just ignore him, and stay out of threads where he posts. He will answer to a Higher Power someday. I hope he has a better story to tell.
Apr 23 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
prettypeeved
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So you're not going to block

So you're not going to block him, just ignore him?
Apr 23 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
Deidre40
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pretty peeved

There's an ''invisible'' feature! YAY! I made myself 'invisible' just now...so he will never know when I'm online. YIPPEE! This is better than ignoring him. Because as we all know, they tend to make asses out of themselves, when they know we're watching. So, now he never knows when I'm on...and there's something about this, that made me just feel relieved. lol I can't explain it. I had no desire to click on his name, and see 'where he was this afternoon.' I have been praying for God to give me the strength to turn away from him, and this whole mess. And to turn my gaze upon Him. That is what will heal me, ultimately. That invisible feature was pretty cool, though. :D