A poll: How many narcs dated you or knew you from teens or childhood?

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#1 Apr 4 - 8PM
Arwen
Arwen's picture

A poll: How many narcs dated you or knew you from teens or childhood?

Very curious to know. Mine was my first boyfriend...I was 14 he was sixteen. Found me again at 44.

Apr 5 - 3PM
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I met my first N/P husband

I met my first N/P husband when I was 16. We worked at the same place, and had some classes together in high school. He was one year older than myself. Until I was a senior, I had only known him as an acquaintance. We did not begin dating until 5 month before I (stupidly) married him. We were married 5.5 years. My second xnh, I did not meet at all until I was 35 years old. I met him when I start working at the same company where he worked. We were friends only (no romantic relationship) for two years after we first met because he was married with two small children. He was three and a half years younger than myself. I dated him for 8 years before I (stupidly) married him. We were married for 8 years and together a total of 16.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Apr 5 - 12PM
momoya
momoya's picture

"LIke a Movie"

N said that our coming back together after 20 years apart was "like a movie" and that we were "meant" for each other and to be together for the rest of our lives. He was lying the whole time and married so looking back at this beginning I see with different eyes. What I still find strange is the intensity of feeling he was able to project. He really did a great job of convincing me that he truely loved me and had searched for me for years. I was just a supply and manipulation tool it turned out. He was able to get me to fall in love with him just with words, I felt I knew him but I really had no clue. THere was a false sense of trust and I was falling into his trap perfectly. I think he would of strung me along had I not of snooped in his phone. I am glad I did.

momoya

Apr 5 - 2PM (Reply to #21)
passionatebutterfly
passionatebutterfly's picture

Same here....exactly!

Same here....exactly! Unbelievable! Momoya you describe it perfectly. Narc always said he should have married me instead of his wife and he only did because I was already taken......right!! We were high school sweethearts then split up during our college years. He ALWAYS contacted me over the years and called me every year on my birthday. Then FB came along........ugh, and the rollercoaster ride began. Too much happened....things I regret, but at least I was strong enough to leave and get back to a normal peaceful life. I thank God I didn't marry him. To think of being in the position his wife is in right now just sickens me. I just feel so so terrible for her and her children. She has no idea what her husband is doing........ xo
Apr 5 - 3PM (Reply to #22)
momoya
momoya's picture

passionatebutterfly

There was a time I felt so alone until I discovered this board and found so many people experience such similar situations. Amazing isn't it? The more I learned, the more I saw what he had been putting his wife through: the more I realized how lukcy I was to of not fallen completely into the trap. Rather I was only caught by one leg, and I escaped thankfully able to put my self back together and heal. All that he has put her through I know it will take a long time for her to sort it out and get back to 'peace'. What these N's put their wives through is just insane and unimaginable to me. It really is a slow kind of death ..of spirit and heart.

momoya

Apr 5 - 3PM (Reply to #23)
dudette
dudette's picture

so true...

having met and talked with N's ex wife, I have to say that I have never seen such an amazing woman being broken in such a way.... Lucky escape for me she said.....
Apr 5 - 2PM (Reply to #20)
dudette
dudette's picture

urgh

makes you feel sick doesn't it....
Apr 5 - 11AM
Bitter-sweet
Bitter-sweet's picture

returning Ns

Yes, more of the same. Went out together for a few months when we were 20, he came back 25 years later. He made quite a big thing about that- like it was an anniversary...
Apr 5 - 12PM (Reply to #18)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

Bitter

Exactly mine too. And he told me he remembered all kinds of things that never happened. Psychopathic liar.
Apr 5 - 6AM
realitycheck
realitycheck's picture

A Poll

Yep, mine was a boyfriend in seventh grade. Then many years later when I was 24 he showed up at a mutual friend's party and we stayed up the entire night talking and then slept together as the sun was coming up. We then dated for a few weeks but he stopped returning my calls so it ended. Twenty-three years later he found me on FB. He said the sweetest things. "He was so sad I'd gotten married, why didn't I wait for him" "I was his destiny" "he'd been waiting all his life to be with me again" blah, blah, blah. I fell for it hook, line and sinker! I should have been smart enough to run when he called me an hour before we were to meet after all those years and asked if we could postpone our date for a few days because he didn't get paid until Saturday. I had already waited two months to fly to where he lives so I could see him. I thought are you kidding me, I've waited all this time and you don't have any money??? I told him I'd bring over a bottle of wine and we could visit. Well..the rest is history. I put in more effort and love with him then I ever have in my life. I lost weight, worked out everyday. Loaned him thousands of dollars. Walked on eggshells for the past nine months. Cried when he wouldn't call for days. Always paid for our dinners out. Bought his cats food. And ultimately he wouldn't even touch me the last time I flew to see him. What an idiot I was. He ended our "true love" the day after Valentine's Day because I had the nerve to be upset that I hadn't heard from him! I was due to fly out to see him again, yes again, the next day. He probably had some babe lined up and was desperate to end us before I arrived. He wouldn't even return my calls. He's such an ass. He's probably working on another old girlfriend right now. I look at his FB page and there's so many old high school friends that he's in contact with that I'm sure he plotting his next victim. He does need another pack of cigarettes and a can of beer - yuk! Normally I wouldn't get near a man who smokes but I didn't seem to mind. I'll never understand how he sucked me in so badly. I'm working through the rejection, humiliation, and the physical pain. I'm also going through a divorce - good times!! XO
Apr 5 - 8AM (Reply to #15)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

me too with the "I missed out on a great life with you" bullshit

I also got that whole song and dance about him always loving me...what??? WTF was he talking about? I said then why didn't you try to find me before. I think these maniacs truly believe what they say and what they make up!
Apr 5 - 9AM (Reply to #16)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Exactly!

I came across a really old email from the beginning pursuit on FB that I had forgotten all about. It said, "I have often thought of you over the years, even before Facebook." What a line! Who was he kidding? It's laughable when I read it now, did I believe it at the time? I don't even remember it really, like I do some other things he wrote and said. I must have pushed it aside, because it's such an obvious red flag! First boyfriend, first love saying that? Yeah, I believe it. You never forget your first. But school crush you admired from afar you hardly even talked to? And he had several crushes, I wasn't the only one. I do believe he started thinking about me again once I friended him, though. God, what a stupid mistake that was!
Apr 5 - 6AM (Reply to #13)
dudette
dudette's picture

yeah

mine has done a round of Exes before getting to that one.. at least two or three from his school that I know of... it's just so much easier to pick on women who loved you once and play the "one that got away" trick on them.....
Apr 5 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Or the Flattery Card

"I always had a crush on you but was too shy to approach you, and wonder what it would have been like if I had...." trick.
Apr 5 - 4AM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Only one Narc

Technically I have known him since age 17 but we did not date until senior year of college age 22. I am now 43. Thank God he has been the only one but he has done a huge amount of emotional damage to me.
Apr 5 - 3AM
JMi
JMi's picture

Both 14 when we met Split up

Both 14 when we met Split up after he kissed another girl after a few months together He went out with my best friend at 15 for a while then dumped her after taking her virginity (should have learnt then) Met by chance in a club at 17 - 11 yrs later here i am Left hurt and confused
Apr 5 - 3AM
dudette
dudette's picture

not me but OW

yep, she was a teen girfriend. He discarded her with silent treatment and complete disappearing act 35 years ago.... That's why when he told me she was back on the scene, I felt really uneasy because my N mother did a runner with first BF ....
Apr 4 - 9PM
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I knew my Narc from 7th grade

I knew my Narc from 7th grade through Senior year in High School, but we were just classmates, never boyfriend & girlfriend and hadn't had any contact for 28 years. We reconnected on FB at age 45. To me he was the sweet, shy guy I remembered from school. He definitely wasn't a Lady's Man then, he was kind of a dork. Unlike some other guys from school that I remember being jerks then, and they still are. He more than made up for lost time though. Ugh.... what an asshole now!
Apr 4 - 9PM (Reply to #5)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

28 years

seems to be the ticket. It was 28 year since I had sex with him once when I was 18 and he dumped me the same day, and 30 years since our younger teenage romance. They must prey on the women they knew once loved them. It's just much easier for them that way, isn't it?
Apr 5 - 6AM (Reply to #6)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I never even liked him in

I never even liked him in school as anything more than a friend, and had crushes on so many other guys. I had a steady boyfriend for 3 years in high school who was my "first." This guy had a crush on me though, and I could tell. Of course it was easier to prey on someone he knew from school because his reputation was of a shy, innocent guy, not a bad boy. And that nice guy image is the one he still portrays and believes about himself that lures in unsuspecting women. Complete wolf in sheep's clothing.
Apr 5 - 6AM (Reply to #7)
Finally Faced It
Finally Faced It's picture

affirmative.

Smitten - Every single thing you say is EXACTLY the same. Long-distance, just classmates, he was the sweet, shy guy, reconnected on Facebook. But my guy is 40 and has a different profession, so I guess we're safe! Lol Yep! I can join this club...we were from same hometown, attended middle school & high school together. Just knew each other as classmates.... Maybe they like women from their teenage years, because they are frozen in their teenage/childhood years?! I'm so done! Day 9 of NC!
Apr 5 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Interesting observation

Whew! Good thing he's 6 years younger. Can you imagine? LOL! It would be soooo weird if two victims of the same guy found themselves on this board. Anyway, good point about women and the teenage years. And what about their appeal to us? They're not "strangers" this way, but someone we "know." But really we know nothing about them except what they want us to believe. And the other thing your comment reminded me of; when we first got involved, I felt like a teenager again, which was a great feeling. I remember smiling so much in the beginning my face hurt. At the end, though, I wasn't smiling hardly ever and crying every day instead.
Apr 4 - 9PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

When it lasted...

I was a college student. I knew the ex-Psych prof between the ages of 18-22. He was 32 when I first met him, he was 36 at the final D&D.
Apr 4 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Arwen
Arwen's picture

My first long term narc

My first long term narc Susan...I was 20, in conservatory, he was a teacher there he was 34. Talk about an abuse of power. May I ask you current age?
Apr 4 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

I'm 32...

And thank goodness it never became romantic/physical involvement, and no physical violence. When I declared my love to him my senior year... he went around claiming that I was sexually harassing him, and was moving his evening seminar from one classroom to another, so I was the "hysterical, love-crazed" student chasing him. One MAJOR inconsistency... NONE of his colleagues stood by him. My senior thesis advisor referred to him as "different" (it sounded like politeness, like he was trying NOT to say something nasty) His colleague who had gone to grad school with him gave me this sad, knowing look when the ex-P flaunted his curator girlfriend. One of my professors senior year (she is now Dean of the college) said that my essay about "Anna Karenina" was me trying to make sense of my relationship with him... she was almost Dean, and she spoke compassionately. She was NOT condemning me. AT ALL. It was an opportunity to discipline me (it was just her&I), or chew me out.. she didn't. Her kindness came as a shock. His colleagues were incredibly supportive. I think they would've been immensely disappointed if I married him-and I would've ended up a basket case. The ex-P seemed to get it that with graduation, the coachmen would turn back to mice and the coach would turn back into a pumpkin.