The point is: If we spend this life focusing on the narc, we are not LIVING

The work we do on ourselves is the hardest work to be done in this life. Today, I shall not wallow in the sadness of my past, I shall not obsess about Narc nor think about what he is doing with himself. I shall not spend as much time blogging (on this site), so that I can focus on me and things that 1) need to get done and 2) will make me feel like I accomplished something at the end of the day. And..last..I shall go out to my yard and pick some fresh blooms and bring them inside to remind myself that there is beauty in this life, and that we are all responsible for creating our own happiness.

Goldie my therapist just talked with me about this. In fact yesterday she said ok let's spend the last half of this session talking about you not him. She said we don't need to waste anymore time talking about him we know what he is an abuser loser a sociopath that can't be changed or fixed but you can

I agree as well! I have been pretty active actually (meeting friends, going out,...) but it bothers me that the narc is still on my mind so much. I had a phase where I had started to think about him less but now he's on my mind a lot. Could be it's because we became a couple around this time last year and activities I do alone now remind me of the times I did them with him.

I was just thinking of posting something about this myself today. It really hurts to know that while I'm so incredibly sad about "the end" and having to rebuild my life now, he is already happily and excitedly moving forward and going on wonderful dates into the city, out doing fun things and enjoying life again - with others instead of me. This seems to be a very common denominator among us here. I know that being among people is the best thing for a broken heart - it makes it worse to be all alone. Even though we are still hurting, we still feel that void, and perhaps being in certain situations may even trigger painful memories. But it's still moving forward and soaking up positive energy from others. I'm coming to understand more about the affect of kinetic and metaphysical forces around us and the laws of attraction. Healing is a process that happens in stages. The longer we prolong the process, the longer we're stuck in pain and a fear of the future. Narcs are good at creating confusion in us on so many levels. We're only going to break through that confusion by stepping beyond our comfort zones and slowly regaining a realization we once had that life is good and happier times are out there for the taking.

It's so hard to do this, Goldie, but I totally agree with you. Good for you for making that effort (hard to find the energy sometimes) to go out tonight. I was just thinking of reasons to get out of playing tennis tonight, but I'll follow your example and make myself go for me.