Please tell me I did the right thing!

Hi all,

I'm new to the site. I broke contact with my narc just over 2 months ago now. It hasn't been particularly smooth; really because I wasn't totally sure whether he was a Narc or whether it was just me being hysterical. I'm pretty sure he is.

It was a long distance relationship. All the usual traits, he came on extremely strong to start with, then eventually started backing off. String of previous relationships (divorced for 14 years), blew hot and cold, started to tell me I took things the wrong way etc. I did actually break up with him though, back in April, because it became clear that he wasn't going to commit to the relationship. I was in love with him at that point, so it was really hard. It seemed really hard on him too. But then he just carried on as normal - emailing me all the time, as if nothing had changed. Anyway, it eventually got to the point that he met a new girl. Facebook plays an important role in this as it's a shared environment. He uses it for 'work purposes' - he writes, so he sticks up links on it to distribute his work (and he certainly has a harem of women admirers on there). To be honest, from the start of the relationship, I'd always had it in my head that really, if he or I met someone in our respective countries, then so be it. But as time went on, this type of rationality falls away! Anyway, cut a long story short, he started seeing this new girl. He flaunted it on facebook. He also wrote mean things referring to me, which can only have been meant to hurt me.

I'd just like to mention that this new girl is gorgeous looking and young (he's mid 50s - I'm early 30s by the way) so of course she makes him look good. He's aging badly - as in he's struggling to accept his age, not to mention obviously he's emotionally immature - in all other ways, he's very good looking, and he's fairly successful. Anyway; at first I thought he was just acting out - the same day I realised he was dating this girl (via facebook) I'd said to him that this time we really did need to cut contact as I wanted to be more than friends (this is how clouded my judgment was - I didn't like him, but I wanted to be romantically involved?!) and he obviously didn't. Cue meanness on facebook plus flaunting etc. I eventually de-friended him; I didn't want to do it straight away, as I thought he was trying to manipulate me into doing it because, as per usual, he could not take responsibility to do it himself - coward! (I had already unsubscribed from him though). After about 6 weeks of no contact (though with all this ridiculous facebook and other indirect stuff), I did contact him. As I said, I wasn't totally sure he was a narc, and I felt a bit stronger and wanted to just show that I wasn't a cold hearted witch and did miss him but that I could be reasonable about this new girl. Anyway, the text went a bit downhill. Of course, the next day reaction comes on facebook (much of his page is public so I can see when I look. Bad, I know). This was the last straw and totally sent me reeling. I was knocked for six, and really hurt. I didn't react in any way though.

That was just over a couple of weeks ago now, and I'm feeling a lot better now. It's baffling that a grown man can behave like this. However, he did text me the day before yesterday. It was clearly to test whether I was still there or not. He was basically letting me know he was on a tv channel - something he used to do when we were 'together' (whatever that means). I realised he was fishing but it made me angry. I wanted to respond saying 'why would you think I want to watch you on tv?' - which would make it clear I'd seen all his fb crappiness - but I ignored it at first, and then responded the next day just saying 'I don't get '.

And now I'm angry that I didn't stand up for myself. I feel like I look weak and a walkover because I haven't retaliated in any form to his crap apart from trying to be nice (based on evaluating him as a normal person) and then being neutral. I really want to contact him and make it clear that I have seen all his ridiculousness and I think he's a shit. I'm so angry at myself now more than at him for not sticking up for myself. Any comments/advice would be really appreciated because I really want to let rip at him. (By the way, I have deleted from my phone, but he obv hasn't deleted me).