PLEASE, stop ignoring me....that would suck!!!

I have a hard time believing that I am the only one that has ever struggled with NC in the beginning. What happened the other day when he called my work, the secretary told me I have a call, so I answered it. I do see how quickly they get into your brain and you are hooked....and just talking to him for 2 or 3 minutes started a chain of texts, voicemail, etc. He manipulated me to feel bad and start to consider counseling again. He said that HE could forgive ME for my abuse, destroying his property, not being a good wife, etc, etc, but I would not be welcome at is house for awhile, until I earn back trust. The only way I could go is if there was someone else there. He said a bunch of other fucked up warped things....but does it really matter???
I have to start looking at myself......why has this been so hard for me to break free when he treats me so poorly.....many of you have said he is one of the worst cases, even in the world of N/P, and that's pretty bad......
So, yes, just 2 or 3 minutes started an all day event. I know that there is no other way then 100% complete NC.....I had a one on one with Goldie last night and then I blocked him from my phone....I will tell the secretaries at work to screen my calls.....they all know what is going on..they have for 2 years and have been telling me to GET OUT!!!
This is it......please, I need help to get through these next few days....I AM doing this and it starts today.