Please help me...I'm at my absolute lowest

My Narc police officer husband left me in October 2012 and hovering around was my "friend", Mr. Narc #2 from 9 years ago trying and successfully planting himself back in my life ... but only as a friend per my request and I didn't even pick up on the fact he was another Narc until after several months later!!!! He never really ever respected my requests to please let me have space and time b/c I needed to heal and was starting to have feelings for him. Oh, no...It fueled him on and he treated me and fooled me into thinking he was totally in love and smitten with me...even told me he loved me, and I caved. And when I started to feel the inevitable pull-away, and his continous reminders that, hey, we're just friends, right?, well I wanted reassurance or I wanted him to back off. It blew up in my face and now it's all my fault. He says he's sorry he doesn't have feelings for me like I have for him and he needs time and space so that our friendship can be salvaged. I reacted horribly, one minute crying, the next angry and calling him out for using me, and back and forth...until now he has completely shut me out and has given me total and complete silent treatment by blocking me from having any contact with him. It's been two weeks and today I'm in so much pain I can barely breathe. By having been used by "an old friend" during my weakest point in life and just now coming to terms with the fact that all his gentle words "Baby" comments, and "I can't wait to hold you in my arms", and all the attention he showered over me for 6 months was never real. It was all his act. He never thought I was that special...I don't know how to bear with the pain. I cannot believe I let myself get hurt again after going through the most horrific hell of my life with Narc police officer husband. I don't know how I can ever trust anyone, especially, myself again. And the pain is literally unbearable. Please please help me to know I am not alone. I feel that it must be me...b/c look at what I allowed.