please help me accept his words are mere lies

I know that we would all love to believe at one point, our narc is actually telling the truth, but the days i do let myself believe him, i only feel like a heroin junkie the next day begging for more, literally. i have been set back so far, because of his big show on sat. texting me saying he loves me and truly wishes i never threw him out, wishes he were home, etc. that changed quite suddenly, who knows what motivated his actions, hes just so fked up in the head, and arousing my emotions gets him off. i almost believed he was ready to walk out of her place and go stay at his moms till he could find somewhere to live, but guess what, all was fine with them the next day, and the more he tells me hes gonna get out, and go on his own, the more i know he is lying. oh somedays i wish i never threw him out, and other days i realize what would have become of us anyway, i would never have been able to forgive him for that weekend of the worse torture he had done to me, thus far, and there were months of torture throughout the years.......please you guys, i need you, please help me accept that his words are mere gibberish and he is nothing but a liar..........

michele115's picture

Other than the obvious "Its All About Him" I will Start a Thread and perhaps you can all just in the Subject List write the title of the book and the author? It's hard scrolling through all the posts, and in a few days, I might not even remember or find this one...Is that okay?
jaycee's picture

sounds great, thanks, Jaycee

Jaycee

jaycee's picture

im so happy you guys reply with your wisdom and advice, i would have no one to really talk to that would understand narcs, people just dont get it....they dont know the term and dont know what the abuse is, they do know, my hN is an asshole and a looser, but they dont get the whole picture. so thank you all for your replies.....Jaycee

Jaycee

AnotherPath's picture

When he lies and sends text that he loves you, he's just trying to RESTORE. He wants to go back to the place he was, so he can feel more stable and then abuse you again. He doesn't love you. It's not personal, he can't love ever, never and never has done. He cannot understand what love is, he doesn't feel this emotion and never has. Send him a text TELLING him NOT to ever contact you again. Tell him you will go to higher authorities if he does. Then never text him ever again.

Ending the dance

jaycee's picture

anotherpath, what do you mean restore? in his mind or trying to come home again? the place he was, the security of our home? or just in his mind? please explain

Jaycee

AnotherPath's picture

When they have a narcissistic injury like a divorce or they leave for new supply, the new supply wears off and they come back to that empty pit they have inside as the supply isn't new anymore, they need more. The new supply is also hard work after a bit, they find it hard to keep up the charm and bullshit happy face, it wears thin. They then want to go back to a place they've already experienced as it's easy and familiar, they want to restore their lifestyle, they know how to manipulate the old supply and they know they've got away with abuse there so they want to go there again, it works for them.. Remember that's all they're interested in, what works for them. They lie to the old supply to get things back to how they used to be so they can start abusing again, they're even so obvious to say lies like "I love you" "I want my life back" they may make promises, shed tears and give gifts. (yes, I'm talking from personal experience) It's all a load of complete utter lies. I'll tell you why, because only these 2 things will happen. If you take him back, he'll absolutely abuse you again and you'll be even more broken than you were before. If you ignore (I did) then just wait for the absolute horror of his abuse like you've never seen before. He will be full of RAGE as he didn't get his own way. How DARE YOU not succumb to his charm when it's always worked before........ his mask will then completely drop like you've never seen before. So where is the LOVE in either senario................. There was NONE it was all LIES LIES LIES to get what HE wants CONTROL.

Ending the dance

jaycee's picture

thank you for explaining what you meant, a friend of mine, who knows absolutely nothing about narcs, said to me, wait till he starts his bullshit of how he wishes you never threw him out, how he misses home, she said dont buy into it, its because the facsination of the whore has worn thin, she bet me, back in june he would start by sept, wow she should be a psychic, but i dont think he wants to physically come back, i think only when he feels its too hard and too much effort there does he look for supply here, i know hes not ready to give her up, not right now, the goods are too good, free room and board, free food, clothes restuarants you name it, she pays.........he just called raging at me, after being mr.nice guy for days, because his whore noticed his phone has my number as the call back and she wanted to know whos number it was, he accused me of rigging his phone, so i get notified when he texts her, i was like, youre crazy, that phone was mine to begin with so the cb number will always say mine, i just gave it to you when you broke yours, etc,.. he raged and i said, just cause you got shit for the phone dont take it out on me, hes like i didnt get shit, im just tired. yeah right, back to other convo. i really dont believe he wants to physcially be here like you think, i think he needs my security, so he gets his supply from telling me things he thinks i want to hear........but who knows hes so fked up i dont know what he wants and neither does he, all i know is i dont want him back , i just want him to move on from her, as she is a big time slut and a big time trouble maker, she fights with him when he wants to see his own daughter, shes as fked up as he is............wish he would leave her for the next and at least try to have a descent relationship with his daughter, and believe me, if he did want to come back, and when i say no, if he rages, he can rage till the cows come home, im done........im sad, im heartbroken, but im done, hes so fked up that he rages at me when his whore gives him shit..........fk that............xoxo jaycee

Jaycee

enoughalready's picture

Narcs are all alike. When their mouth is moving, they are lying. We always want to give the benefit of doubt to the person we love. Unfortunately, narcs aren't real people. They have no feelings for anyone but themselves. Therefore, they will LIE about EVERYTHING when it benefits them-which is ALL the time. THe ONLY way to find the truth about your XN is to stay NC. Your mind will eventually clear and you'll realize how much your XN lied. I believe narcs are devils in disguise. It was never about love to them... it is and was all about him and all about how much you are useful to him and his needs...basically...that's it!!!! NC NC NC NC NC. X0X0
jaycee's picture

thank you for the replies, i know in my heart every word is a lie, but sometimes i need friends to remind me of it. im having a really difficult time again. he set me back so far this weekend, that im completely out of my mind with grief and heartache again. he is so cruel to toy with my emotions and he knows what he is doing and i believe in my heart he enjoys it. thanks again.......wish i could feel better

Jaycee

Briseis's picture

You have the power to not let him "get in" and trash you like this. You wish so much what he says will be true, somehow. So when he says it, you give in to that hope. THAT is what let's him in to trash your heart. Your life seems to revolve around him, and it kind of does. You're dependent upon him for the most basic things. This keeps you in bondage to him. You could do it on your own, and be free of all this. You'd have different problems, no doubt. A sing'e mom's life is HARD (ask me how i know). But it won't jerk your heart around and trash you and treat you like a pathetic, desperate, begging, lonely ghost of who you really are ((((hugs)))) There's no free ride in this life. We all have to "pay" our way. This is how you "pay your way" to have him support you. You get jerked around and crapped on and live in bondage to him. It breaks down to what you are willing to put up with to get what you want. It's all about choices, choices between really awful and a little less awful. I'd rather work my ass off, live in a smallish apartment, eat one dish meals and walk to save gas than live in bondage to your Narc.
jaycee's picture

i get it, i do have the power, but please for right now, just tell me its not me, im not the only one who is being lied too. tell me it wouldnt have mattered if i were contolling and demanding like his whore, he would still be the same freak of nature, please, just for today, fancy me and tell me im not the only one being lied too..........and it wouldnt matter what kind of wife i was, he would still be the same old narc........

Jaycee

jen79's picture

cause I feel the same from time to time, like yesterday. Then I think, what if it was me, what if I was too easy to get and thats why he labeled me as a whore, what if I am a whore, what if... But let me tell you, for us who are not involved emotionally it is so obvious...it is NOT you, your N is piece of shit, and the marriage lasted only so long cause you were the one who did the job for you both. He is crap, and I am not saying it just to comfort you, he is a twisted mind and one day you will see it. All lies lies lies.
jaycee's picture

jen thank you, you are right, but for twenty four years i did all the work and now his whore gets all the perks.......sucks for me...........

Jaycee

better off's picture

PERKS?! LOL What the hell kind of "perks" is she getting? He's cheating on her, following you around, he doesn't even have a JOB. She's paying for everything... sounds like a dream come true. NOT. It sounds like the only "perk" she gets is that he is using her mailing address. Wait, I bet not, I bet he still uses YOUR mailing address. The perk is... he is under her roof. Wow. I can guarantee you not one person reading your posts finds anything attractive or any Perks in this guy. For one thing, you said you've done all the work for 24 years, well I say it's time for a break, and let someone else do the work. You said you do anything he asks... well stop. He made his choice. I'm still laughing about perks... it's like you got a new job and the "perks" are that you have to clean the bathrooms and clean out the Dumpster, oh, and then you have to pay them instead of them paying you. Would you take that job? ;-)
jaycee's picture

better off, you are so right, what perks? the perks of having a serial cheating, somatic narc living under your roof, rent free, food free, and giving you nothing but empty lies, and telling you how much he loves you and cant live without you, as he is chasing his wife, screwing two ow. you are so right. but he does have job, a good job, but all the money he makes pays for my house, cable, electric, gas, taxes, insurance, etc.........and that leaves him with nothing to give her. hahahaha....so shes in reality paying for me to live as i always have, minus the big steroid lug abusing me........so you are right, what perks, its just unfortunate that she has no idea who the man behind the mask is, but i hope she sees his mask slip really slip and sees him for who he is and what he does soon. shes not very smart she should know what he did with her he is doing too her........lol Jaycee

Jaycee

Briseis's picture

Honey, believe what you see. That's all any of us have. We don't have operating manuals or special connections to God to tell us when we are correct in our beliefs. All we EVER have, ever ever ever, is trust enough in ourselves to believe what we know. There comes a point that we have to rely on ourselves to "know what we know" in spite of someone telling us the exact opposite. It's just another part of taking responsibility for our own lives. Kind of scary! It's totally OK and good to ask other people to help you stick with reality. That's what friends do for each other. But start entertaining the idea that you already know everything you need to know about this jerkoff. Every single time he's gonna take you down the garden path, every single time :( . How many more times do you need to get your face rubbed in it?
jaycee's picture

bri, can you promise me, he lies to her as well, i dont want to feel like its me anymore, please promise me, with all my heartache and tears, please tell me he will lie to her as he does too me as well.........i dont want it to be me, i wasnt demanding enough, i wasnt controlling enough, i made his happiness my first priority so maybe he loves her because she is the total opposite and maybe he doesnt lie to her like he does me, im so sad, promise he will do the same to her and many others, please, im so sick right now.

Jaycee

jaycee's picture

please someone help today, please remind me every word out of my hN's mouth is an utter lie and he is a looser who will be unhappy for the rest of his life. please tell me as he is in his mid 40s now, he is more evil than ever and will become as evil to her and others as he is too me. please remind me why i threw his ass out and why i should be grateful and why i have to remember everyday his words are mere lies

Jaycee

MsVulcan500's picture

Yes, every word out of his mouth is a lie. He is lying to you, he is lying to the whore, and he is lying to himself. He is telling you he misses you, he is telling her he loves her, and he is telling thimself he is king of the world. But in reality, he misses you as supply, he enjoys her supply, and he is whale shit on the bottom of the ocean.
jaycee's picture

ms vulcan, why would he miss my supply? if he is so enjoying her supply? i dont get that, if hes enjoying her, why bother missing my supply? and yes he is whale shit at the bottom of the ocean we all know that........xoxo

Jaycee

better off's picture

Jaycee, a narcissist is a bottomless pit. There is never enough supply. When he lived with you he chased tail all over town... there was never enough supply then, and there is never enough now. There is no woman he can live with that can give him "enough" supply. He's in supply heaven because he has you two FIGHTING over him. He's got this stupid OW turning herself inside out to keep him away from you and his children, and he's got you to twist and torment telling you he loooooves you and missssses you. He's a MORON. My God, it's like you are both fighting over who gets the steaming pile of dogshit in the street. And obviously this stupid OW isn't even interested in HIM, she's a narc like him and is only interested in WINNING something, a steaming pile of dogshit in this case, because she needs that to feel like she's something (other than ANOTHER steaming pile of dogshit). She is so delusional that she thinks "stealing" some psychopath and keeping him from his kids MEANS something. The only thing it means is that she's CRAZY. Let her have him. That would screw them both. If anything you ought to tell her that you are so happy for her, and that they really belong together... you see that now, and you hope they have a long and happy life together. She'd probably swallow her tongue. I'm sure she doesn't want him if you don't. LOL ;-)
wholeagain's picture

Great point Better Off! It would be hi-larious to turn the tables on them that way. It's like being on one side of tug of war with them on the other--they expect you to pull, you drop the rope and watch them fall on their asses lolol
fedup's picture

He was texting you this weekend----Do you think he told the OW about those texts? Right there--you have evidence--he's lying to her as well. It's NOT just you, he lies to everyone, including himself. And please don't forget----both of them are beneath you...
jaycee's picture

i know fact for sure he would never tell the whore he was texting me, so right there you are right, he lies to me, to her and to himself. and yes, they are both beneath me. i should know never to question that he only lies to me, because the man wouldnt know truth if it kicked him in the face..........lol

Jaycee

helldweller's picture

I know what incredible pain and horror you are feeling. I am praying hard for you. There is no way back to what was, dearest angel. And yes, every single word is a lie and every year that goes by will make it worse.
blueeyes's picture

I have to tell you that they are lies? You know they are. I know they are. We are manipulated and have not moved on. We are brainwashed! That's all I can say at this point in my relationship recovery. I am not recovered or even started to recover. You should look up articles to educate more on what he is doing to you, that helps me. Good luck.
MovinOnUp's picture

From the sounds of it, this guy first cheated on you well over a decade ago. If he told you that he wouldn't do it again after the first time he cheated and you caught him, he lied because he's done it over and over again. Did you ever have this conversation with him, Jaycee? And if you did, how many years ago did it take place?