Hi, I just found this great site. I did a Google search on the phrase "he's stringing me along". And boom, I found this site!
I am 46, married. Somewhat happily, my husband and I have some issues. I'm in a sexless marriage which is going on for about 8 years now? I've already stopped counting. :( I don't know what his problem is and he doesn't really seem to care to find out. That could be another big long post. Also, regarding my husband, we've been married for 14 years. We take vacations, laugh, talk, go out, all these fun things. Everything is great except for there is no sex in our marriage anymore. I have asked numerous times why but he never gives me a straight answer.
Sometimes I get really bitter and sad, depressed when I think that my own husband would think me undesirable.
I think sometimes it's a control thing with hubby. I don't think he has cheated on me, all I can think of is that he'd rather please himself than to be with his own wife. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to go to counseling - he won't go though.
It is very hard because I don't want to leave him, I want to make it work. I do love him very much. I thought that having a friend with benefits would help me out once in awhile - but he has turned out to where it's "all about him".
Some days I'm ok with all of this and others I'm just an emotional wreck and on the crazy emotional roller coaster.
Friend's story and me:
Since I was feeling unloved, uncherished and insecure about myself, I started talking more and more to a "friend" whom I would see on the commuter train to Chicago. He is a train engineer and for years we'd say 'hi' and chat a little bit in the parking lot. We talked alot about how he lost his gf to suicide. I was there for him when his car was broken into. Always smiling and happy when we saw each other.
I always was kind of attracted to him. Wondering what it would be like to sleep with him. Just me thinking basic female thoughts and desires. I'd only see him on the train or by his car in the summer. Then he'd change his schedule back to whatever time it was.
Last summer, I saw him walking thru the train cars and he gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek. I was like WOW! He always managed to ask how is the hubby doing? My gf told me that he's asking because he wants to know what my status was. We talked about a restaurant that he was at when I was there at the same time. He said to let him know when we go there so he can go up there too.
The next day, I gave him my cellphone number. That was the bravest thing I had ever done! He gave me his. I was like wow, he gave me his number! :) We had said we could get together for drinks.
A few weeks later, my husband took a motorcycle trip with his buddy and I was home alone for the weekend. I was on my way home and I thought maybe I can call Mr. Engineer. But I was too nervous. So I sent him a text. I said "got beer?" He called and said, "hey, I can't tonight, I'm working".
One evening, my girlfriend and I went to see this band and I had a few drinks. I was feeling pretty good. I sent him a text saying "hey you, have a great night!"
And he sent me a text back saying all these nice things about how cute I am and how attracted he was to me. I told him in these texts that I really, really like him alot but of course I'm married. He said "it's ok, I understand". Then he was asking me some real flirty questions about what do I like doing in bed.
We saw each other on train and would talk for a few minutes while he walked thru the cars towards the front of the train. I told him hubby is going to be on vacation one week. And he suggested maybe we could meet for a drink or 2. I said, "ok that sounds good".
So I was really nervous, thinking WTF am I doing? Well IK told myself, I'm meeting a friend, that's all. So, we met at this pizza joint and had some drinks. Too many drinks. He got trashed and so did I. We were having so much fun though it was so nice to get to know him he made me laugh and I made him laugh.
He talked about his life. And told me about some woman whom he was going to marry. That it was going to be a marriage of convenience, etc. He wanted me to know this upfront. He told me he's a loan shark, works for some guy collecting $$ and if they don't pay up they have to pay the consequences.
We went to a couple of other bars and at one of them in the parking lot I kissed him deeply. He said and at the last one he told me to sit at the bar and order whatever I wanted and that he'd be right back.
He went to the back room of the bar and then came back out and sat by me. He whispered in my ear if I was interested in some heroin. He could shoot me up. I said "no, no I don't do drugs". Drinking is about all I can handle. I asked him if he did that stuff. He said "no". I don't know for sure. But with his job he has to get drug tests, I'm sure.
Later, we went back to his place - he wanted to show me his condo. Uh yeah we both knew what we wanted to do.
We went there and he went to the bathroom and I was looking around on the shelves of his place. Looking at pics and books, etc. Trying to get to know him. I bumped into some papers and they fell on the floor, that I had knocked off the shelf. I picked them up and put them back. I turned around and saw him and he was looking surprised.
He said "wow, I thought I could trust, you I thought we were friends". I said "honey, I didn't do anything" he was all pissed off at me and I'm apologizing all over the place. He kept saying "time for you to go!!" I said "no, no please don't be mad at me!!" I said you are drunk, let me help you to bed.
I was being sincere, trying to be a friend, I wanted to help him. He was still mad and went to the bedroom and I said are you going to be ok? I don't remember what else I said but he got up and was really pissed. He said do you want to "f" (sorry not sure of the language here so I'm just going to abbreviate things). HE said let's go, come on. I said, "no!" He was staring at me and I was holding my head high and leaning against the wall. He said "I have $15,000!! Here!" and threw it at me. Two huge wads of cash.
I said, "I don't want your $$ and I'm not a whore!" he got pissed off and went and slammed the door. I grabbed my purse and left his place. I was shaking I was so scared! I couldn't get out the door fast enough because there were so many locks on that door. OMG! I felt like I was in some psycho movie.
I finally got out and went to my car and drove home, crying all the way. I called him and left him a voice mail. I told him I was sorry that I offended him, and it would be better if we didn't talk anymore.
The next day I was sooo hungover. Me and my gf were going to be gone over night at this convention thing in Chicago. He called me and asked if I was ok. I didn't want to answer but I wanted him to know WTF he did.
He didn't remember much but apologized all over the place and said he was nervous and drank too much. I said "ok" but I kept it short.
He called later that evening, but I didn't answer, I was doing my thing at the convention.
I was dreading Monday because I did't want to see him. I think I avoided him a couple of days. Then I couldn't anymore becuase of my work schedule. Sigh... I just said hi/bye and was cordial and civilized.
He asked for another chance at us being friends again. That he really liked me and I was a great lady. Of course all of these compliments he said to me and I ate them all up.
I know it could have been way worse and I am really dumb for putting myself in that predicament but I thought I could trust him. He was not the person I saw on the train.
Anyways, he sweet talked his way into another "date". And that time I did sleep with him. He was amazing - especially since it had been so long since I had sex. He was so attentive and passionate and just so sweet, yet sometimes rough with my permission. I couldn't believe it. He kept saying over and over he couln't understand how my husband no longer wanted me. That he would take me. He told me over and over he's been thinking about this for years.
This happened a few more times in the summer. We had some long talks on the train. About feelings that we really can't explain yet, etc. I was so happy about this attention I was getting. I felt like a woman again.
One time we had been drinking were leaving his place and I did tell him I loved him. He said "no you can't say that, you are married!" I said, "you love me". he said "yes but I'm getting married in November". I said then we won't be able to get together like this anymore. He said no we will still get together and "f". We were drunk so I know that was just said in our drunken stupor.
Every couple of weeks we'd meet after work have a couple of drinks and end up at his place. One Sunday, we had met and went to a motel to spend time together. Amazing in bed. I mean we did it for about 4 hours and man does he have stamina! Honestly, with him the sex was the best.
In October, hubby and I had a planned vacation to Paris. It seemed like when I had told him we were going, he had changed a little bit. It was kinda like he started to give me the brush off. But he still talked to me everyday and was "excited" for my trip.
When I came back, is when it all changed. It was kinda like he was "jealous". He said "I think you and your husband are back to sleeping together". I said "no, nothing has changed in that dept".
He called me a few days after I got back and told me he was definitely getting married in November.
I congratulated him and told him this lady is very lucky to have him. He told me my husband is lucky to have me. He said "you won't leave your husband and no one else will have me, you have made me realize I am a very lonely man and I want someone in my life to share things with". I said "Ok, I know you will be very happy. I just wanted you to know I do have deep feelings for you".
He said 'so do I".
Well in November, he went off and got married, I didn't see him for about a month since he was on vacation for that long. When I did see him, he was all like "hey!" and really flirty and all that.
I'm thinking this is a newly married man? he sat next to me on the train and I said let me see your ring! He showed me his silver band and I said "very nice!" He held my hand for a minute. He told me he wants to get together soon. I was like OMG!
Later, he told me his wife is keeping her house and he's keeping his. It works out better that way. I was thinking WHAT!?
Since December, I have felt like he is stringing me along. He'd ask to meet for drinks, then cancel or say he had to work. So I'd end up disppointed. I would try the NC rules and avoid his train. But if I would happen to run into him again he was all over it full force. Sucking me back into the vacuum.
It has made me confused and crazy. I still like him alot but I just keep thinking why does he string me along? I found it very unusual that he stayed on that route instead of switching in the fall like he usually did.
He's so hot and cold. When he feels me pulling back he comes at me full force. And when I'm getting closer he pulls back.
The last time was really, really strong. He gave me a big hug and was holding me tight and moaning softly in my ear. He said "I want to be with you, I want to 'f'". I nodded my head "yes". He had called me for a few days to say hi. I was thrilled to "have him back". But nothing ever happened.
Last Thursday, I told him I may be a bad girl and call off work. He said that maybe we could get together for some "mischief". I was like I'll let you know if I call off sick.
I did call off sick. I wanted to take the day and get my hair cut and renew my drivers license. I called him and he said I have this and that to do...
That was it. I got tired of these excuses all since December. Either he's interested or not. All the signals were there - then he backs out.
About a month ago, I got my hours changed at work so that I have to take an earlier train so I don't run into him. Now I'm making sure I am not on "his train".
SIGH... this man makes me crazy, he's no good for me, he's a liar he fabricates so many things. I don't even know what to beleive anymore. If he knows I'm upset, he feeds me a big sympathy ploy. I am not even sure if he's married. I'm waiting for him to say he's going to separate from his wife. He's all over the place with things.
I need to FORGET HIM NOW!! :(
Thanks for reading!!
I would have took the money!
Your story is similar to mine
yes, very similar
yes, you do need to forget
Regarding your husband....
So was it worth it ?
Forgetting him is a very good