Needing some inspiration
Well, I will try to start my story off really short but to the point. My exN is an alcoholic. He blames his dad for his alcoholism, classic N and classic alcoholism blaming everyone else for their problems. I was with him for a year and a half. He's done some really nasty things to me but I kept going back. Possible martyrdom??? I will just list out a few things he's done:
1. Broke up with me on my bday only after being together a few months saying he wasn't interested anymore to turn around 4 hours after breaking up with me texting me happy birthday and wanting to take me out cause he felt bad about what he had done 4 hours prior.
2. Broke our plans for New Years of 2010 and lied about where he was, I found out a few wks later that he had abandoned me to go spend with a much older woman.
3. Broke up with me Valentines Day by devaluing me.
4. Got wasted on my bday of 2011 and started shooting me with his bb gun!
5. Drug me across his kitchen floor so that he could set me outside his door cause I had caught him there with another woman who is an alcoholic herself, only to text me 5 min later telling me "please don't act like that. come back" which I ignored.
6. Got plastered on this past New Years Eve which ruined our plans, yet again. But this time it involved his brother as well. He was so wasted that we couldn't go out as planned, which was his idea and reservations. Only to text me 2 hours after I left begging me to come back which I refused. Then he started begging me the next day to come help him cause he was throwing up blood. I guess anyone would throw up blood if they regularly consumed a liter of vodka in less that 10 hours!
My list could go on an on! I was there for him ANYTIME he needed me. Last year he had two surgeries, shoulder and had to have a cyst removed off of his tailbone (that one was interesting cause it required packing the hole with gauze several times a day). I basically lived with him until he was drunk and kicked me out or he was ready for some new supply and needed me to leave so that he could do so. I have caught this low life in sooooo many lies and have caught him at least 3 times with other women only for him to come crawling back a few days later. He has abused me in EVERY way possible but has never taken accountability for anything, he even blames me for his "extracuricular" activities by saying that I pushed him to hang out with other women cause all I ever did was nag him and argue with him! WTF?? I'm a pretty laid back person and don't require much in a relationship, but the things I require he never offered. He is an extremely affection person when he wants to be. The sex was not that great at all!! In the beginning it was, but when he started hitting the vodka heavily in the beginning of 2011 it was like having drunken one night stands with him every time we did try. And yes I said try cause IF he could get it up, it wouldn't stay up for about 1 minute! How fantastic for me! I have been told that I'm very attractive, great personality with alot to offer a man, but I can't even count on one hand how many times he has complimented me except for how good I did cleaning his apartment and the cooking that I did. He's also psychotically in love with my dog! He has told me before countless times that if we ever finally ended that he would want visitation rights to my dog. I had my dog way before he and I ever met, and he has never bought anything for my dog! In fact, the only thing he has ever purchased for me were 2 pair of shoes!! He's never given me a card, flowers, candy, xmas, bday or vday presents! He is the most selfish person that I have ever met in my life!!!!! About 2 weeks ago, I told him that I could not deal with his alcoholism and abuse anymore. He of course tried to flip it around so that it was him dumping me, this being about the 100th time of dumping me. The last I heard from him was the other day when he msgd me to tell me to stay away from his family cause I had ran into his dad at the store the night before. His family and I had grown very close and provided support to each other because of his alcoholism, so if I see them I'm not going to be rude. I just replied to him with "whatever", so of course the devaluing proceeded. Him telling me I was a deadbeat mom cause my 2 boys spend more time with their dad than with me. Telling me to find a job cause I lost my job the other week. I just kept replying with "hahahaha". I wasn't about to argue with him cause I knew that's what he wanted. The times that we have broken up, it's only been for 3 days max. The ONLY time that we have been broken up for longer than 3 days was when he was pursuing a 52 year old but he came back after a week. This is the longest that we have been broken up and the longest he has gone without contacting me. I know I should be thankful for him leaving but the whole discarding me like a piece of used trash after everything that I did for him. Should I brace myself for him to contact me? Or will it be a while, like a few months, before he contacts? I am trying to let go, the pain is just unbearable at times. I have been reading More Language of Letting Go which is helping me but all I can do is cry. Thanks for any support that anyone can provide. xoxo
Wow! You must be exhausted,
Was with my ex for 7yrs did
Our age differences
29 is definitely old enough
Ahhh yes, took me a while to
mommy and daddy won't live