Your thoughts, please

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#1 October 22, 2009 - 10:06pm
Anonymous (not verified)
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Your thoughts, please

Hello everyone!

What are your thoughts on a guy in his 20's who is not romantic or affectionate -- he doesn't like to kiss too much or hold hands, cheap (doesn't like to spend much of his money. He prefers spending others' money or that others spend it on him) yet faithful: he doesn't sleep around and no deviant sex. He also has ,to my observation, quite some affeminate traits like the way he handles a glass...

He doesn't rage but can be underhanded in the things he does and says. He doesn't lie, for he is honest to the point of being brutal at times. He is also manipulative in a very obvious way("If you don't do this for me, I'll get (OW name) to do it").

He said that he would only say I love you to the woman who would become his wife and that would be after 3-5 years of a relationship where he felt comfortable.

One time in an interim of a brief break up in his first relationship (he has only had three-- he is currently in a LD one right now), he met an older girl whom he accompanied to her flat. When they got there, she started to undress him, but he put his shirt back on and left because he didn't like the way she touched him.

And he who once told me that he believed (because his mother apparently had told him so) that babies that are born with any kind of anormality should be left to die.

Thank you in advance for your input!

October 24, 2009 - 11:46am
staranew (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thank you for your replies

Thank you for your replies and validating my thoughs. This was my xN as you might have guessed. He never apologised for the big things only sometimes for little things. Ditto for the thank yous. He told me he couldn't cry, and his mother once told me that when he was a child, the doctors told her that he was "special." There was no look of pride on her face at the mention of this. He does find that it is immoral to cheat, and he is quite strict about his moral standards even trying to impose them on me, but these have been handed down to him by others. Whenever he mentioned something, he would say: "My mother says..., my grandfather told me..., my friend thinks..", etc -- never a thought of his own. Well, only to contradict you. Other people and he had the truth, but you only had measly opinions. You got the idea that he wanted you to agree with him. He kept talking to me about this friend of his that he said was so handsome. When I finally met him, he asked me what I thought, and I told him that he was right. I did find him handsome. He was not very happy at that. Nonetheless, he did admire this aforementioned friend of his who enjoyed one night stands, somewhat of a ladies' man, but he would rejoice when his friend didn't get his way. However, he himself couldn't and wouldn't do that because it went against his principles. He is quite self-righteous. It is true that his faithfulness is relative, for he does keep in touch with his exes knowing that his current gf doesn't like it "too frequently" He was an explosion waiting to happen, but what threw me for a loop was that he didn't explode until after the breakup when we were supposed to have gone back to being friends, and it was over something that I had done against myself, and he turned it around to make himself out to be the victim. That is why it is so confusing for me to understand all of it -- while we were together as a couple there were signs of "underlying anger", but he never raised his voice at me, and then as friends, BOOM!
October 24, 2009 - 6:28am
time_to_move_on
time_to_move_on's picture

faithful...

is a loose term to some people. My ex told me he was never unfaithful, but thought it was okay to have emotional affairs, and email other exes behind current gfs backs to explore possibilities (he's done that with me and the last 2, the first gf has just had him back). He may be using it in those terms, so be careful. He sounds very weird, as others say about the touching thing.. my ex was weird over things like that and he was truly mad.
October 23, 2009 - 6:53am
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

Ending the dance Sounds like

Ending the dance Sounds like the sort of person best no to know. An explosion waiting to happen. You can never know if they are faithful or have deviant sex because he may be a pathological liar. There seem to be some red flags here too.

Ending the dance

October 22, 2009 - 10:40pm
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

staranew

sounds a lot like my exNH. with some sociopath around the edges.... ...IMHO ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
October 23, 2009 - 11:44am (Reply to #2)
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Sounds like mine too

Yeah, way too many red flags. Run if you can. He sounds a lot like my 2nd N (who could have some sociopath around the edges)...freaked out if not touched exactly as he wanted to be touched, very black and white thinker, always claimed he never lied to me (looking back, I think he did on several occasions), liked to claim he would always be faithful (which could be the case since he preferred his hand to any woman anyway!). eeek.
October 23, 2009 - 1:02pm (Reply to #3)
better off
better off's picture

"I'm always faithful! I

"I'm always faithful! I love myself best and never let myself down!" ;-)
October 23, 2009 - 10:11pm (Reply to #4)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

He sounds so cold and flat.

He sounds so cold and flat.