You and the Narcissists friends

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#1 Jul 17 - 12AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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You and the Narcissists friends

Hi guys, I am just wondering what everyone's experience is with your N's close friends and how the N feels about that?

- do they feel invaded if you are close to their friends

- did they bring you out with friends often or like to keep you to themselves?

- were you able to have healthy/non jealous relationships with the N's friends?

If I wrote one comment on a mutual friends FB wall he would get really jealous. Or angry at me for 'invading his space'. Is this normal?

Any other experiences with you and your N's close friends to share?

Jul 19 - 4PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

Their range of emotions is

Their range of emotions is negative: anger, jealousy, rage, badmouthing, deceit, betrayal etc. the jealousy is what would be appropriate for him when you are with his friends. It is always in the reverse of what you would think of as normal. How nice- she gets along with my friends can turn into a nasty blow-up over your flirting with his friends, or insulting his friends, or whatever. A normal man has a mixed range of emotions depending on the situation. There are some good guys out there find one you don't have to 'figure' out and go for it you deserve it.
Jul 18 - 4PM
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Last Night

I went out by myself and he went out with his new NS. We have friends together so I am going to hang out with them too, on my own, especially if my N chooses not to be with me. H text our mutual friend who I met up with at a bar where a locla band was playing. My N asked our mutual friend if he was going to be there tomorrow night and our mutual friend replied 'I'm here now but I will probably come out tomorrow, too." N responded 'I know.' (as in menaing he KNEW mutual friend was there because I was there) Then moments later I received a text from N stating 'You seem to have this gravitational pull towards my friends, though' WTF?! First, Mr. N YOU are out with another woman who you are seemingly professing to be 'the one.' so who cares what I do whether we live together or not. Second, Mr. N we met this guy AT THE SAME time. he wasn't YOUR friend first or MY friend first. We met him AT THE SAME TIME. Third, I wanted to text back, but I didn't so I could avoid a dramatic fight, "Actually YOUR friends have a gravitational pull towards ME." (which they do because despite my involvement with N I still happen to be a a fun, outgoing, caring and hoenest person which they can see and N seen too at first, but those qualities will never be enough for him)
Jul 18 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

insectt

don't worry about what he says. he's TRYING to get a RISE out of you - DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT!!! Why is he still texting you and WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING IT!?!?!? BLOCK all EMAIL BLOCK all IMs DELETE all texting - UNREAD RETURN ALL PACKAGES & MAIL - "delivery refused" - UNOPENED DON'T OPEN THE DOOR TO HIM ERASE VOICEMAIL MESSAGES BEFORE LISTENING TO THEM. DO NOT CHECK HIS FACEBOOK, MySPACE, etc and block him from checking yours!!! NO CONTACT NO CONTACT NO CONTACT and if your friends talk to you about them - tell them they MUST STOP or you will go NO CONTACT on them too ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 19 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Barbara

Thanks Barabara. I know this. I live with him right now so absolute NC is kind of hard. I AM taking steps to move out, though. Thank you. Unfortunately I bought a house with him before I realized about idealization and devaluation. Although there are many sites on the web about Narcissism they mainly outlined the symptoms and characteristics. For some reason, I didn't interpret this as he would turn on me too. He actually started the devaluation before we bought the house but not to the degree that he has once we moved in. I dismissed these beginning signs as he was under stress from a relationship with someone else and, since he owns a independent film company, stress from making his next movie. I just recently found this site where NC is overwhelming stressed and the concept of Idealization and Devaluation is clearly described where I now 'get it'. After two years I know I will never be 'good enough' even though it is not me. I AM taking steps to leave even though there are days where he seems like a 'normal perosn' and I get a glimmer of hope that things will be what they once were. I KNOW they won't, thans to the site which I visit on a a DAILY basis to remind me how things Really Are and not how I Want Them To Be.
Jul 17 - 1PM
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My N has ONE friend in his

My N has ONE friend in his life that would act as a real friend should and help him out if he was ever in a bind. At that is only because this friend is a stand up guy. Before my devaluation stage I was my N's 'best friend' for two years. The rest are more acquantences that really don't know the 'true N' just the public, charismatic, dapper, charming side. 1. Yes. My N feels invaded that many of his 'friends' like me and since my devauation started, I have been hanging out with them without the N around. My N will throw comments out there like 'if you do any of my friends you can just move now' or 'while you're out drinking with (insert his frinds name here) you are not watching your daughter (I have split custody with her dad, so on the days 'I go out' she is with her dad - and he knows this!.) 2. No, at first I was with him ALL the time, with any group of people he hung out with. He does this with ALL of his NS. because he doesn't care what other people think. He doesn't take me out anymore because I have outlived my usefulness and he is with his new NS all the time now. 3. Are you asking if the N got jealous (he calls it 'territorial'). Yes, my relationships with these people are completely healthy. My N doesn't get 'jealous' he gets 'territorial' and although he tries to make it not look like it upsets him, he will find ways to slip it in during 'other arguments' (see comments above). You writing a comment is normal (for 'normal' people). The N isn't 'normal' so, in turn he will react abnormally. My favorite is that we have always have what I call a pseudo-invisible realtionship. People 'think' we are together but he never admits it and by now it has deteriorated so bad, we actually don't even do anything together anymore, except live together. Well when things were still going 'good' we seen a mutual friend out at a resturant and my N held my hand! later the friend told another friend "I see he is starting to actually treat her well. He was holding her hand" I replied, sadly "No, he was just marking his territory since I talk to his 'friend' now"
Jul 17 - 1AM
cupcake (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

More friends!

Wow you really want me to have no contact, don't you!! :) It is wise and I hope to be in a place soon where I can completely elimnate him. I have started by moving the e-mails to a disk and will give them to my friend this weekend, she won't let me see them or read them...she hates him. My N had heaps of friends? He seems depressed without people around him and has always been very, very popular and loved. I guess that is how he got me...part of his charm. He does get depressed without people around him and if he isn't with friends he runs back to his mum (who he seems to have a very close relationship with..she rings to check on him all the time!)
Jul 17 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

My N had heaps of friends?

My N had heaps of friends? He seems depressed without people around him and has always been very, very popular and loved. I guess that is how he got me...part of his charm. He does get depressed without people around him and if he isn't with friends he runs back to his mum (who he seems to have a very close relationship with..she rings to check on him all the time!) cupcake, really what does this tell you? Another question, By needing and having people around to validate him, is this normal? I heard and seen other NPD's that has lots of friends good businesses and successful careers. They are know as successful NPD and there are those types out there. But really the only true and sure way to know if that person is a NPD is by living with one for a long time. This is where the mask slipped and starts to crumple. Guess this is way only those that are dearest and nearest to them come back with "stories" about them. Funny thing about friends unlike family members, is how well does a friend know a friend? Friends we only see or talk to once in awhile (when it's convenience for us and them) it's easy to put on a "happy" face and hide those feeling we want hidden. Really that's so easy, but try doing that with a family member that lives with you day again day month after month then year again year.. http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/
Jul 17 - 1AM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cupcake

do I really want you to have NO CONTACT? (can you other members on the board answer this for me before I burn my keyboard...LOL) This is NOT a joke - this is your LIFE http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/02/why-cant-they-be-alone http://blog.thenarcissistinyourlife.com/2009/05/17/thje-narcissist-finds-no-comfort-in-solitude.aspx http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/03/cruel-and-unusual-punishment.html Your friend HATES him? Why is that? Have you told HER you want him back??? Please do so - and see what she says. He can't POSSIBLY be the only man on the planet! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 17 - 1AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

friends? what friends?

stay the heck away from him and his friend FB. BLOCK THEM - ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Narcs have no friends - no real friends. Ever. Nope. None. http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/12/rewards-of-befriending-narcissist.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/02/betrayal-of-bystanders_21.html http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2008/01/narcissist-sympathizers.html Facebook is a means of CONTACT!!!! NO CONTACT!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Articles & information for abuse victims - Updated Daily Online Coaching for Victims of Narcissists/ Psychopaths
Jul 17 - 1AM
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOL

What friends??? She had no friends, well then again she did have three I know of in those 17 years I knew her. 1) bi-polar who she rarely talk too. I often asked her "why, don't you answer the phone when (friend lived out of state) L calls you?" Answer: "oh, I get tired of her, she only talks about herself".. 2) This one I don't even know where to start. Talk about having a dysfunctional life style!!! Anyway, saw that one oh, maybe 4 times in 17 years. (Army wife so she travel a lot) 3) Victim of both physical and emotional abuse. Very co-depended type.. That's it. 3 and the only one I like was number 3. At least she was nice to talk too and had a nice persona. #2 Warning uncivilized language http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/2009/02/they-have-friends-dont-they.html