Why do some Ns get married and others don't?

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#1 November 10, 2009 - 5:37am
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Why do some Ns get married and others don't?

I doubt my ex N will ever get married. He's almost 40 and he's never had a serious relationship, he doesn't even count the long-term ones as serious. Now I doubt he'll ever find a prospective wife because he currently seeks the company of young sluts he'll never see as marriage material.

Does that mean he's more self-aware? Maybe he knows he's troubled and marriage doesn't suit him. He decided not to drag me further into his hell and let me go because he knew he'll screw me over. Does that sound like a conscience? Or maybe he knew he can't give up some flings on the side and he knew I'm not one to tolerate that. Maybe he's just looking for a potential wife that will be too naive to see the bullshit that he's doing. Or maybe it's because he has too many women in his life and he just finds that dandy and perfect in the meantime. Why complicate the perfect setup with a nagging wife?

Maybe those that do get married don't have as much success with women so he needs constant secondary NS from a wife.

November 12, 2009 - 8:44am
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Good question-Why a Narc Enters into a Relationship or Marries

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November 10, 2009 - 12:19pm
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Good question

My ex Narc is 54 and never married, no kids nothing. BUT, he has always had a live-in other woman most likely to secure that secondary steady supply. Wants no part of that legal contract certificate that is called a marriage license. He will never marry. WHY? Could be for alot of reasons, he knows when a marriage fails the divorce can be nasty, and doesnt want to take that risk, or does he want a nagging wife around all the time to hinder his freedom? No I dont think so, cause his gf LIVES WITH HIM 24/7 TRUST ME they find ways to take off a few hours and screw someone else, I think its because mine is older now and wants to secure his image to hide his sick sex double life he leads, he wants people to see he is settled down has a nice woman he is serious with and probably just wants the steady other woman around cause they HATE being alone, just a body to come home to that is all it is and hey why not you can have a live in pretend wife that provides him nice home cooked meals, caters to his needs, goes on vacations with him so he is not alone, and you can do all this and not even have to get married, so he isnt obligated legally to her in any way. And what woman would wonder why he is 54 and has no girlfriend and has never been married, that would be a red flag if he were to approach me, he can use the Girlfriend as an excuse too that he is already in a committed relationship, but truth be known he is not in any committed relationship it just appears that way, ya he is real loyal alright that is why he is a sexual predator always searching for others to have sex with and his poor live in girlfriend is cooking dinner for him waiting for him to get home while he is at some hotel banging someone and he told her he was going hunting for the afternoon. Ya hunting for putang. Anyway that is my psychopaths life at least, they all are different, I dont know why some MARRY I just know why some DONT. The ones that marry end up divorced ALOT I do know that especially if they are younger, more of their marriages are failures vs long long term success. Barbara's x has been married 25 years but I think that is rare
November 10, 2009 - 8:33am
4joys4's picture

He wasnt trying to save you

He wasnt trying to save you from any pain! He's a narc! He;s not thinking of YOU! They each have their own pattern of behavior like a broken record. They have learned what works for them and sticks to that.
November 10, 2009 - 12:55pm (Reply to #2)
Sinead's picture

I was married for 7 years

And mine talked of remarrying the "right" woman, he was looking for the submissive family girl, from his culture that would be more submissive, yet on another occasion, NOT from his culture as she'd be stronger (with family ties) and on yet another occasion, just random flings to fulfil his needs. Marriage is a big part of our religion so that could be it with him, no idea really, maybe they stay in a relationship that doesn't need hard work to fulfil their supply needs and if they find an easier supply they move on to that but prefer to stay as 1) married men look more stable and have a better reputation 2) they don't have to work on a new supply, they just keep the old one going. I really don't know, mine wanted to keep me but when I started to stand up to him his violence got really bad and he started to seek out new supplies, but they were for marriage. that could be to do with the religion so his reputation remained intact.
November 10, 2009 - 1:18pm (Reply to #3)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I think so

maybe they stay in a relationship that doesn't need hard work to fulfil their supply needs Good point, if they find the right woman they can easily train and she isnt too much trouble fooling they just keep her around, easy supply for them that doesnt require alot of effort on their part. They give them just the minimum to keep them around, take them on a few nice vacations, give them the impression they are committed to them, for the ones that are the sex addicts I think they have problems in their sex life with their wives and Girlfriends they suffer ED from all the sex addicted things they partake in and find it difficult to have just normal sex with one partner year after year after year, even though they get their variety on the side it would still be difficult for them to come home to the same boring ting to them, so they use excuses, I am tired, I am older now and need more rest, I have alot on my mind these past few weeks with work, I think their sex lives with their wives and partners suffer greatly in their relationships, maybe the partner after time just learns to accept they dont have much of a sex drive because they are older she can probably go without it and has been trained to go without it for long periods of time.