What Really Bugs You?

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#1 October 27, 2009 - 10:13am
Anonymous (not verified)
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What Really Bugs You?

What is it that really bugs you the most about the whole encounter with your Xn? Is it that you're left feeling like you really got fooled and your pride is wounded? Is it that you now doubt your ability to discern the genuine from the trickster? Is it that your desire to truly love that person has been thwarted and there may never be anybody else you will ever care about like that again?

October 27, 2009 - 11:12pm
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

What bugs me the most

were both the D&D (so humiliating) and the deception.
October 27, 2009 - 6:54pm
Monica
Monica's picture

I ignored all the red flags and will never be the same

The thing that bugs me the most is that I saw the red flags very early on...some even before we became involved...and I ignored them. I knew he was a pathological liar, that he used people, that he was arrogant, egotistical and dishonest, controlling and manipulative. But he never physically harmed me, he never raged, he never got angry with me or verbally abused me (although I witnessed him verbally abusing and belittling others). He was extremely covert and he is a cerebral narcissist. He shows absolutely no emotion and has absolutely no empathy. He loves money and possessions and status and himself more than the people in his life. And yet I ignored the red flags and took him back countless times. And was hurt countless times. Over and over again. He stole me from me. I am forever changed.
October 27, 2009 - 6:08pm
Hoping2Heal (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Blaming

bugs me the most. Why didn't I say something to the chics calling if I didnt like it? Said I made him hit me. I tried to set him up. I did this I did that. Eben blames me for stupid stuff like not responding to a text! UGH! Drives me freakin nuts! Hopefully he's just jacking with me and doesnt really believe that his 4th marriage failed becuz of another wife! Poor guy he keeps getting these crazy wives...ya right
October 27, 2009 - 10:12pm (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

its who they are

he BELIEVES what he says, H2H It's part of his INCURABLE PATHOLOGY run and don't look back. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
October 27, 2009 - 10:34am
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

shelly

What bugs me is that my perception is forever skewed. With men mostly, I start from the side of mistrust and scepticism, followed by a lot of proof before I feel any sense of trust. Before, it was the other way around; everyone had the benefit of the doubt to begin with, innocent before proven guilty. Not anymore. The mental, emotional, and physical aftermath, the financial issues, the general path of destruction he left behind for ME to deal with, with little or no help. Nothing else besides those things really bothers me, I understand why I fell for him and I don't blame myself, nor do I feel like a 'fool' for being conned.
October 27, 2009 - 10:33am
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I took him back after he

I took him back after he begged me..he said I was his bestfriend and we would always be in our lives..I trusted him and his friends who said that I should give it a 2nd chance. He cut me off from everything two months ago. I feel fooled and tricked...kinda like a clown with a big red nose. I also fear I wont be able to ever trust again after this...the wounds are very deep. I have never had someone just walk out of my life like this and not even check in with a call or anything. Like i was the one with other men...like he had OW and a liar. because I stood up to him i was axed. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
October 27, 2009 - 10:29am
time_to_move_on
time_to_move_on's picture

it was all a charade

I think that none of it was true. He probably didn't really love me. The way he was with me was how he's been with most of the women he's been with (I reckon). I wasn't special, he just did what he did to get by/use people. I had 2 of my oldest friends say "he's using you". Last year (or early this) one of them said "he'll be waiting for your mother to die then he'll try to move into her house with you". Guess what. He did. I didn't see it coming until it was too late, others could. I wish I'd acted on the red flags and not given him chances, by the time I got so far in I didn't know what was real and what wasn't.
October 27, 2009 - 12:44pm (Reply to #2)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The game of abandonment. I

The game of abandonment. I say game because he was looking to punish me by doing that, then expecting me to fall apart and take him back. I found it so cruel. I didnt take him back. Then the financial devastation. My emotional pain. I didnt know I was living with someone this cruel. Everything about my life is changed. Everything. I dont think I'll ever trust again. I have a few close friends, but have turned a bit reclusive. ..oh yeah..and the character assassination was something to behold.
October 27, 2009 - 11:27pm (Reply to #7)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

The Intentional pulling the wool over my eyes.

The idea that he has intentionally conived and beguiled his way into my life with such dexterity. Are you kidding me? And escape so unscathed, disgusting. The fact that he continues to do this. It is criminal.
October 27, 2009 - 10:26pm (Reply to #6)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Everything about my life is changed

As I go through the different stages of healing I would have to rate the aftermath and how I saw myself sooo damaged the number one factor in what was the hardest to overcome. Some of my most intense crying was when his mask came off, this was such a confusing stage, trying to piece it all together, thinking WTF is going on here, this isnt happening, when the mask fell that is when shock set in, when I started reading literature about the deformity it was also very very painful and it didnt seem real what was happening to me. I was sooo mentally damaged from the whole nightmare and this has what has taken me so long to undo, I will never be the same, I am forever changed, and I WILL NEVER NEVER give my heart and trust to someone like I did to this person, NEVER, I will never believe in what I once believed in, we were so violated, their acts, con, cheating, lying, its truly sad it took one person of this deformity to enter my life and change my concept of the things I once valued and cherished and trash them. Trashing someones caring humanity by character assination so to speak is so sick I cant even describe at times what it did to me. Treated like human waste more or less. I feel as if I stood before someone and told them and showed them how much I loved them and they shot me in the heart with a gun, we were abused and used and thrown away for being decent people and THAT will take a long time for me to come to terms with.
October 27, 2009 - 1:23pm (Reply to #4)
itreallyisabouthim
itreallyisabouthim's picture

Where I am with that right

Where I am with that right now is that I am mad as hell that I wasted that much time on a non-human. Personally I am not upset that I am less trustful. I feel armed with new knowledge that may help me in the future, and help me help others, perhaps.
October 27, 2009 - 10:17pm (Reply to #5)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I feel the same way. I think

I feel the same way. I think it protects me from further harm. I'm not mean to anyone, just slow to make friendships and always keeping myself intact first. Totally opposite behavior since the exN tried to turn my life upside down.
October 27, 2009 - 1:23pm (Reply to #3)
itreallyisabouthim
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Deleting duplicate post

Sorry - pressed "post" twice.