What is This "Let's Be Friends" Stuff After They Have Demeaned & Discarded You???

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#1 October 18, 2009 - 9:10pm
Anonymous (not verified)
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What is This "Let's Be Friends" Stuff After They Have Demeaned & Discarded You???

I have noticed many posts here and elsewhere that the N wants to remain "friends" after the relationship is destroyed by his demeaning, belittling, name calling, lying, deceitful garbage???

Is this because they really don't have any sense of what they have done, or is it because they want to keep ready sources of NS available at all times & truly think nothing of what they have said or done?

It just seems incredulous to me that they can pull all the rotten, mean, vicious things they do and expect you to be their friend!! They know how to behave when they are courting you, so how is it that they have no concept when they are detaching??

Mine did the same thing! My reaction to this lunacy after reading his email suggesting that we were still loving, caring friends was a resounding ARE YOU NUTS or did I miss something?

Still so bewildered by these "people".

October 20, 2009 - 8:31am
insectt (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

amen to that!

"They know how to behave when they are courting you, so how is it that they have no concept when they are detaching?? " Exactly!
October 18, 2009 - 11:11pm
Barbara (not verified)
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classic N twisted behavior

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/20/how-f-k-friendship http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/09/10/can-we-still-be-friends-f-k ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
October 20, 2009 - 8:43am (Reply to #6)
time_to_move_on
time_to_move_on's picture

wow

Barbara, the heartless b***es article on how to f**ck up a friendship is EXACTLY what my ex did to me. Uncanny. Said his ex was a mad stalker, that she bothered him. Then they were suddenly friends, he looked puzzled said he's always been friends with her. When I caught him emailing her saying how hot she was he said he hadn't told me all this as I'd be paranoid and he wanted to protect me. The wound me up by saying "she says "bring it on"" if you want to email her for an explanation (I'm sure she said no such thing but I then reacted by ranting about her, he had us both where he wanted). He did all the steps in that order, I'm guessing this is what all pathologicals do and not unique to me? Anyway, I'm starting to realise I wasn't special, and that EVERYTHING he did was a lie, it's taking me 2 mths. It kind of hurts as I realise he couldn't have loved me, but ultimately, I'm starting to realise it's not personal. There's a lot of people on here who have dealt with the same behaviour. Btw, the book has just arrived on how to spot a dangerous man, thanks for recommendation.
October 20, 2009 - 8:46am (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

time to move on

I'm guessing this is what all pathologicals do and not unique to me? http://howtospotadangerousman.blogspot.com/2007/08/predictibility-of-pathology.html I'm starting to realise it's not personal Not at all. And it's NOT your fault in any way shape or form! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
October 18, 2009 - 10:45pm
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

they just look like people

But they're aliens ;) Narcs have no sense of anyone else's reality, so asking to be friends or other stupid expectations are just them being them. AND they also wouldn't mind having that extra supply source around, should they need it. How about being D&D'd and then wanting to come right back? Or minimizing what they do to you as a 'mistake'. None of it makes sense to us. I did myself a favor long ago, and stopped thinking of mine as a REAL human being. It helps a LOT. Flesh, blood, DNA, yes... Heart, soul, spirit, and conscience...NO.
October 18, 2009 - 10:37pm
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

It is all about what they

It is all about what they want when they want it. the first D&D XN wanted to remain friends...blamed the breakup on the way i treated him and how i assumed and was not trusting of him.. His remaining friends meant calling and talking to me just like we were a couple...he would say what have you lost...and Im right in front of you...I broke up with you because I hated the fighting. He claimed if i was nice to him he would want me back.....so I was nice to him...and i got a date. A few months later D&D #2..I just let him go that time...then he contacted me out of the blue two weeks later...we were just friends and really got along pretty well in that role... then a few months later well i found out about all his OW...he begged for me not to leave his life and we got back together. D&D #3 was horrific and im still reeling from it...we could not be friends this time or ever again because of how horrible I treated him and his friends dont say things like that to him. There was nothing left of us and how could he be intimate with me again after what i said. All of this as you can see was on his terms..never my terms. During the first D&D i told him to just let me heal..he accused me of kicking him out of my life..guilt tripping me. Each D&D he did what he knew would hurt me the most..this time he knew remaining friends wouldnt have phased me...so he opted to do the opposite. All calculated. After the first D&D the way he could just move on made me so ill...i dont know how I made it thru those days while not going NC.
October 18, 2009 - 9:51pm
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

lets be friends?

no such things as being friends with a Narcissist, and if you are that is also faked, they have no genuine relationships of any type, romantic or platonic, NOTHING IS GENUINE, NOTHING
October 18, 2009 - 9:34pm
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

He doesnt believe he did

He doesnt believe he did anything wrong. He is not concerned with any pain you felt. So why not be friends? Plus, you took his act before, he thinks you will continue to be part of his play. He also wants you as supply, for whenever that need may arise. When they court you, it is all an act, dont you see? That's why many of us on the site say we miss our "pretend guy". If you give clear messages of NO CONTACT, he will move on. He will get bored and move on. If you give the tiniest bit of hope, you might as well jump right back in with both feet, because thats the way he sees it. I'll tell you what the smart people here told me. Only you can end it. So, what will you choose for yourself?