weirdo or not?

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#1 June 16, 2009 - 9:56am
Anonymous (not verified)
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weirdo or not?

yesterday I took my kids to the park near my moms house. We rode our bikes there.When we were coming back my 6 year olds tire went flat so my oldest son walked it home(he was way ahead of us). I was crossing a street when a man in a nice truck stopped and asked me where I got my bike. I am real proud of it because my oldest son bought it for me for mothers day with his first paycheck and its beautiful(vintage looking) people notice it all the time so I was talking to him about it. Anyway, I was about to ride on when he said " Hey, you look like a single mom and I am a single dad. Maybe we could get togeter some time". I said I am not dating right now.But thank you. He said" maybe we could just be friends. You could give me your number and we could just talk." I said I am not ready for that either. I really don't want any kind of relationship at all right now. Thanks. He said"well how can I get a hold of you? I don't want to go looking for you, that would be weird? Do you live around here?" I said no I am just visiting a friend, well I have to go. He said" ok I will see you around". I got kind of a creepy vibe. I singnaled to my oldest son to come back. He is 18 and looks about 23. Most people assume he is my boyfriend atfirst(he hates that). Anyway, I made him walk by me and the other kids on the way home. My son said that I was over reacting and that that is how men meet women. He said that it is normal to approach someone that way and that I am just paranoid because I think all men are evil and crazy now. My sixteen year old says that he was creepy and I should never go to the park again. They bothe said that maybe I am getting my mojo back now that I am not with "hitler"(they call him that because he acts like an evil dictator). Any way I don't know but that is the third man who has hit on me since I left. And at first I was flatterd because I never get attention, but now I feel very uncomfortable. And how did that man know I was a single mom? I have alway done things alone with the kids. Am I paranoid. Should I trust my creepy feelings? Are all men crazy and evil?If not, can you give me an example of A good man. I don't want one now. I am too angry. And I really think I might have post traumatic stress dissorder. Leah

June 20, 2009 - 9:34am
Carolyn
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you raise a really good

you raise a really good issue. It sounds like he was too pushy and this line 'are you a single mom' made me uncomfortable reading it. The guy is alone in a truck, stopping to ask personal questions and is perisistant when he gets turned down. I think you are dodging a bullet with this guy. I wouldn't go to the park alone. The issue in general is how do you know? It is better to meet someone through people you know and be very careful with strangers. Is your instinct affected by Hitler? Are all men sadistic? Who knows. the statistics on men are very negative-they commit 89% of crimes, 97% of all sexual crimes, 98% of domestic violence, and the US divorce rate is over 50%. Something is really wrong here.
June 20, 2009 - 10:12am (Reply to #14)
Suzie (not verified)
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scary huh?

The thing is. I have always had trust issues. But how can you ever know?. My N was "the friend type". I met him through friends. Actuallly through someone I had known since i was7.She recomended him to fix my car. He was very nice to me. He didn't hit on me. He didn't charge me much for labor. He had a good job,car..ect. He didn't live alone but he had roomates. I thought that was all normal. After he fixed my car. I had to pay him in 2 or 3 payments. When he would come to get the money we would talk for hours. We became friends. We just talked and hung out for months. He didn't push things. He seemed to have his own life. But he called me everyday. I was ready for a relationship,I thought because I had been single for a long time.My kids liked him.Everyone did. I wasn't the type to sleep around. I had been alone for a long time. One night we got on the subject of sex and there was alcohol involved so we slept together.Sex was awsome. Then things started to move fast. But he told me he loved me. Those are words that usually put me in a trance. I have always wanted to be loved. I thought. Why not. It could be true. I had a few red flags at that point. But those I love you words made all doubts go away. I found out the car was actually his brothers who was in the military. His roomates were party people. His dad was the boss at his job and had got him the job. And he would stare at me all the time. It made me very uncomfortable. One time he locked himself out of his car. I used a clothes hanger and got it open. He was overly impressed with that. Talked about it forever. He would just watch me all the time. He came over everyday. He eventually moved in. We were together constantly. I hated his friends. One of them was a pervert he would call me and ask to come over.He would talk dirty, I would hang up. I told my N about it and he said oh that's just Rod, don't get all mad. He started doing little things to critisize me. Like making comments about my driving. I finally stopped driving my car when he was with me and let him drive. From then on he always drove and he would never let me. Things got worse and worse especially after we got married. He didn'[t start the real abuse until I was pregnant. Then... the name calling. The ignoring me. Staying out all night. pushing me,twisting my wrists. Yelling, threatening.It got bad. But he would always promise to change and he would go to councling. But my point is, he did'nt display any of this behavior for a long time. Not untill I fell in love with him. Anyway, I guess the problem was that I wanted to be loved so badly I ignored a lot of signs. I shouldn't have. I just thought, well no one is going to be perfect. And I was almost 28 and I wanted a daughter so badly. I don't regret the kids, three boys and my sweet little girl, Leah
June 18, 2009 - 11:44pm
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Leah

I'd avoid it for a couple weeks. DO NOT ASK YOUR STBXNH. No CONTACT! He'd see it as weakness on your part and use your NATURAL GOOD-MOTHER INSTINCTS to berate you. feh on him! If you see that guy again or he approaches you somewhere - call the police. That's just plain creepy. Tell them he's cruising the park and as a single mom & with kids you are VERY uncomfortable. Do NOT be afraid to report people - even if the police think you are paranoid - REPORT REPORT & DOCUMENT. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
June 18, 2009 - 11:21pm
Suzie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

what now?

Should I avoid the park now? I go to that park because it is only a couple blocks from my moms house. We ride our bikes there. I know this is weak, but my first thought was to have my husband meet me there a couple times with the kids so that people see him with me. I am crazy, I know. I remember. No CONTACT, Barbara. It just ran through my mind.
June 16, 2009 - 2:20pm
Suzie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks

I thought so. I think I am use to doubting myself because my N has critisized me so harshly. But you are right. I am sure I'm a narc magnent. Because I am too nice. I guess I should be meaner.Thank You....Leah
June 16, 2009 - 2:20pm
Suzie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks

I thought so. I think I am use to doubting myself because my N has critisized me so harshly. But you are right. I am sure I'm a narc magnent. Because I am too nice. I guess I should be meaner.Thank You....Leah
June 16, 2009 - 11:48am
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

trust your gut

I understand second-guessing yourself but the fact that he kept at it does seem creepy to me as well. Yuck. Talk about a control freak.....
June 16, 2009 - 10:42am
finallydone
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Creepy

In my opinion that is definitely creepy! I think trusting your gut on that one was the way to go. Even though we all have to get past thinking all men are evil right now.... that is NOT the way to meet somebody. He couldn't take your first answer, nor your second or third. That is very very creepy.
June 16, 2009 - 11:38am (Reply to #2)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

agreed

Ya, your instincts were right. Way to pushy and assuming for a stranger. Leah, I'm glad your 'stranger danger' sirens went off. ;) Good job!
June 16, 2009 - 4:46pm (Reply to #7)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

Stranger Danger

LOL, quietude. And Leah, I think they are all right, it WAS creepy. The fact that he kept asking you even though you said you weren't interested...I think is way too pushy for a guy who is respectable. So I do believe that your gut feeling was right on. Great job standing up to him! ~Denise~
June 16, 2009 - 12:36pm (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Leah

you did the right thing that guy violated your boundaries BIG TIME! Predators can 'smell' abused women! Good Job, Leah! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
June 18, 2009 - 5:50pm (Reply to #4)
grossot
grossot's picture

That is super weird! I don't

That is super weird! I don't know how he knew you were a single mom unless he was just taking a stab at it. Glad you're safe. Please continue to be careful. Better safe than sorry. My new signiture quote, BTW, only refers to non creepy people. Do whatever you can to strengthen your narc dar! Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) (I was thinking about "our kind" when I found this quote!) nolongercontrolled
June 18, 2009 - 8:46pm (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

pathologicals are "psychic"

these freaks spend YEARS honing their skills. They pick up on nuances like no one else. They seem almost psychic. This is probably how he picked up that she's a single mom.... and it's a massive red flag when a stranger seems to know something personal about you/ your life. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
June 20, 2009 - 11:11am (Reply to #6)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Leah - I agree...creepy

Yes, I agree with everyone. The guy is creepy and I would stay away. Way too pushy.