Total control required.
Total control required.
Its good to see another web site on Narcissism and the sooner more people learn about it the better off a lot of people will be. For me and my friend we are in serious relationships with N's (unfortunately they are closely related) and so we have first hand experience as to how impossible they are to try to treat as normal people and to have a normal relationship.
She commented that she feels like a decapitated chicken, never knowing which way she is supposed to be turning next to try and keep the peace. I found that such a profound description. The eggshells are all around us, and we constantly try to avoid standing on them. We concern ourselves with making sure that we try to do everything "right", with no errors, lateness or time wasted, because that is how they have manipulated us to think we should be, and we never realised just how much control they have and expect, until we started talking about our situations, mainly because we were never allowed to discuss our lives with anyone. Its unbelievable how they try to hide how they treat us, and how angry they get when they are "found out".
It really is such a waste of a persons life, but I never knew about narcissism until someone pointed out to me that mine was a Sociopath, and I checked out the meaning of the word, and realised he was a Narcissist. I fell for the charm, the charisma, the adventure of travel, the excitement. Oh what charmers. Its unbelievable how they can tell their life stories and be so convincing that their stories are true. Now I know the whole truth and realise just who and what he is.
Now I understand that it is mental illness, and try to treat it as such. He can help what he is saying, but says why should he stop when he means everything he says, and doesn't care. He says he is the only person he cares about. His family has basically disowned him, so I guess he needs someone to care for him.
I am lucky enough to have a light at the end of this dark tunnel, but not so unfortunate as my friend who has nowhere to go, no likelihood of employment, so has to continue living with him. My friend and I are two nice intelligent
human beings, with feelings, and decency, and we both agree that if we knew then what we knew now, we would never have got ourselves into the situations we are in.
I see Red Flags everywhere I look now, and honestly cannot ever see a couple being happy. You always have that feeling that there has to be something hidden somewhere and that you will never trust a man again. This is my third narcissist and I am still learning and hope this will be the last lesson.