Therapy: Just how important and helpful is it?

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#1 November 4, 2009 - 8:03pm
Anonymous (not verified)
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Therapy: Just how important and helpful is it?

I know at this point anything helps. I acknowledge I'm having difficulties moving on but I'm doing a whole lot better than I was months ago. This forum helps a lot, as well as talking to friends and reading articles on the net. I know enough about narcissism to help me move forward. There are still flashbacks of course (I can't help it), but on the whole I believe my perspective has been healthier. He still occupies my mind 80% of the time and he's the first thought in my head as soon as I wake up and the last before I sleep. I still cry even if it has been months, but I have always been "in touch with my feelings". At least now I know it wasn't my fault, it was HIM. That was a big part of my recovery. His other "victims" are unaware of his condition and I suspect that makes it unbearable for them.

I come from a culture where therapists are not common. We learn to deal with problems on our own and with the support of friends and family. How can therapy help in a way I can't get from something else? Forgive my ignorance, I've never been to one and I guess there's a fear that the therapist might view my predicament as inconsequential.

I know he caused some psychological damage in me, however minuscule it might be. I may be in denial. I don't know.

November 4, 2009 - 11:56pm
tasha's picture

was'nt always a fan

But-I went because I could'nt cope with what I had been through nor process or understand. I had to go I was going mad!!When push comes to shove-you gotta do what you gotta do!!I confronted alot of issues from the past and recent past. My psychologist says I'm doing well, she told me the sooner you see a professional after the trauma the better. I feel so much better. I wish that I had gone after my marriage ended with my XNH. Not until recently I learned of PTSD, I'm positive I had it then. But with therapy,anti depressants and the support group I attend-everythings OK. And comming here ofcourse. I recommend therapy sometimes what we have to talk about is to stressful for our friends and family to bear(VICARIOUS TRAUMATISATION). At least when you see a professional-they are non judgemental and will help you with coping stratigies. And everthing else you might need to hear to get well.
November 4, 2009 - 8:31pm
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Therapy has been a lifesaver

Therapy has been a lifesaver for me. I wish I had gone sooner...i would have saved myself a lot of drama and stress. It has taught me how to not be as reactionary to certain people...and to take more control of situations...which helps to not get sucked into drama with anyone....I no longer try to explain myself over and over again. I state facts and that is it. Do I still miss XN the damage still there sure...but i feel my mind getting healthier after each session. My therapist believes that once you are in therapy long enough in a sense you can become your own therapist...check in with yourself and hone in on feelings...and what a you feel in certain situations. I have already found myself asking these questions...if I miss XN..i think OK..well why..what am I feeling..really what is the feeling. This helps. I dont focus too much on negative emotions..I will say OK, he was unreliable..or there was a pattern(no need to ask why) for me it also helped for my therapist to tell me it was NOT me and I did nothing wrong. “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.” I would recommend Therapy to anyone that was or is involved with a N.
November 4, 2009 - 8:17pm
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


therapy is VITAL when you have been with a pathological for even 1 minute. V I T A L I know he caused some psychological damage in me, however minuscule it might be. I may be in denial. I don't know Question to ask yourself: If its miniscule then why are you on this board? Denial? I think you're afraid of something that may come out in therapy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
November 4, 2009 - 8:47pm (Reply to #2)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Therapy is not only to heal,

Therapy is not only to heal, but more importantly, to see the behaviors you have that get you into bad situations. My therapist is good. She has noticed things I havent even seen on this, go to therapy. Friends and family are great, no doubt. But a therapist can give a nice honest picture of yourself without the attachment the others have to you.
November 7, 2009 - 10:44am (Reply to #7)
Hangman11's picture

This Is My Main Reason 4joys

I have found a therapist and I begin next week! I know that I have behaviors that get me into these situations because the guy I was hooked on for years prior to meeting my STBXNH was also an N and I KNEW IT about him! Unlike my husband, he was the "always looking in the mirror type" and was selfish in every since of the word and that was a long distance relationship the entire time. I believe therapy will help me heal from this divorce trauma and the junk that i've gone through with the husband as well as my mom who I believe was also NPD, hopefully I will come out of it with a defense mechanism to keep from attracting these types in the future.
November 7, 2009 - 9:07pm (Reply to #8)
4joys4's picture

Good for you hangman!

Good for you hangman!
November 4, 2009 - 8:54pm (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

therapy - one more thing

this board is NOT and NEVER SHOULD BE a replacement for therapy. EVER. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
November 8, 2009 - 8:43am (Reply to #4)
krumkauger (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

New here but wanted to add -

I've support going to threapy and know it's helped me quite a few times. A good threapist will allow you to vent, listen and let you discuss why you are where you are and if they see red flags, it's their responsibility to tell you about them so you can come to grips with them as well. My therapist has been wonderful and has helped me see that even though you yourself can be professional, well rounded, smart etc....sometimes our "guy picker" is off. Mine has been off for a bit now...working on fixing it and finding a guy who makes YOU FEEL Good for who you are because YOU weren't the problem before. The N. was. Today is tomorrow - do something about it. Don't give up.
November 8, 2009 - 8:45am (Reply to #5)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Hi & welcome! I like that, 'guy picker'...I think I need a new one! :)
November 8, 2009 - 10:04am (Reply to #6)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Good enough therapist

While I am a very big supporter on personal therapy I don’t push “psycho-therapy” on people and in fact fear pushing it on people who aren’t really can do more harm then good. Whenever one decide to enter into therapy one also (see why it does so little good for those that suffer from an PD) must understand how a client therapist/relationship must be build. A therapist/sessions/relationship without an ability to trust the therapist will end in failure. A lack of allowing oneself to open up to an therapist is a struggle for both therapist and client. So one needs to be allow to trust and also allow a stranger to see the “real you” in all it’s flaws and imperfection is vital if one wants to heal and grow together with an therapist and client relationship. Also many don’t understand why a “good enough” therapist will in fact allow you to struggle with the therapy sessions knowing that any acknowledge and enlightenment you may get from this therapist/client relationship will be long standing and aid more on your own personal healing and understanding you have experienced during this struggle. They say we learn more by teaching then being taught and that's very true. So whenever you start “teaching and relating your feeling (emotional state of being) and desirers (personal goals) to the therapist you are in fact teaching them and yourself as well at the same time. In ending a “good enough” therapist can and will only aid you in your progress in therapy. A good enough therapist knows they can’t heal you for only you can do that for yourself as it should be...