"snuggling" with my 11 year old

You've come to the right place. You are welcome to read my story at: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/07/22/grossots-story My STBNH suddenly began taking baths naked with our 4 yr old daughter after his N injury. There were later instances of him locking me out of the bedroom with daughter and him in the bedroom at night "jokingly" He let daughter out when she said she wanted to sleep with me in her room. Everything is tit for tat with a N. I had taken occassional baths with her so he felt he was entitled to the same even after I asked him to stop for obvious reasons) I am in the middle of my court battle over this. Unfortunately, I cannot tell you how my story ends. But I will be here for support and advice as I can. Listen to everyone here and LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. Present to therapists, dr's., and lawyers FACTUAL information. Have your lawyer motion for a court appointed psych eval. You will have to get one too and you will probably have to pay upfront. Never say the words pedifile, molestation, or pervert. Let the professionals come to those terms themselves. That way he cannot say you planted that idea in anyone's head. My N's dad tried to get me to admit that I was accusing N of molesting my daughter (there are other instances and children involved) but I stuck firm and held my ground, I said, "DO NOT PUT WORDS IN MY MOUTH: I SAID HE GOT IN THE BATHTUB WITH HER AFTER I ASKED HIM NOT TO AND 2 OTHER 5 YR OLDS HE WAS HANGING AROUND LICKED EACH OTHERS TESTICLES AND HUMPED EACH OTHER FROM BEHIND AND N SAID THAT WAS NORMAL CHILD DEVELOPMENT" Sorry for the grotesque details but i want you to see how specific you have to be. You don't want anyone coming back on you and saying you accused him of something falsely because you are spiteful. FACTS ARE FACTS AND CANNOT BE CHANGED. When you get your money and lawyer lined up, have your lawyer get your N to admit this snuggling on record at the deposition. This is evidence of crossing BOUNDARIES. Get advice from your counselor as to what steps to take next. Get your daughter in counseling and keep her there. Have the privacy touch talk with her. Sometimes we take for granted that kids (especially at 11) know better but if they are being preyed upon, they will protect their abuser. BTW - don't call it GOOD TOUCH/BAD TOUCH as I was told; call it a privacy touch - anywhere that a bathing suit covers. I don't want to alarm you; it's probably NOT a sex abuse incident. BUT 3 things I want to leave you with are: 1)IT IS INAPPROPRIATE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT THE BOUNDARY HE IS CROSSING. 2) Someone said to me when I was doubting myself about the bathtub problem: "What will you do in x amount of years when your daughter says, 'mom, you knew; why you didn't help me?' " 3) N are 50% more likely to commit incest than any other person because it's like they are intimate with half of themselves which is the only person they want to be intimate with. (I forget where I read that - a link from here) I'm sorry, shocked. I really don't want to scare you. I only write this because I've been there.....I only want what's best for your daughter. I hope I've not offended you in any way. ~Give a Narc an inch and they become the ruler~ nolongercontrolled

Dear shocked, You poor thing, that is horrible. I got huge alarm bells as soon as I read your story. It made me feel sick. It is not right at all. He sounds like a piece of work. So innapropriate, it has to be unhealthy for your daughter to be in that situation. You have my prayers. Is there any way for you to get out earlier? Stay strong and get as much help as possible.

I would say YES, this kicks it up a notch. There is no reason for her to be in the same bed with him. At the very least, he's taunting you. At the most, something very dangerous for your daughter. It's NOT appropriate for a father insisting his 11 yr old daughter sleeps with him! Step up your game plan, document everything, and get out of there ASAP.