Is this the right way to handle things?

6 posts / 0 new

#1 Jul 2 - 12PM

Anonymous (not verified)

Is this the right way to handle things?

My husband is a narcissist. In a nutshell, he was a magical prince charming, until, literally, the day after our wedding. Then came the underhanded comments, the belittling, the name calling and the realization that he hates me and all women, even though he wouldn't ever admit it.

He is always generall angry, always the victim and such a negative, unhappy person. He has no friends and we have no mutual friends because he drives people away. He has sucked the enjoyment of life out of me.

I am financially dependent on him, right now, but seriously cannot envision being married to him for the rest of my life. I do not hate him. I just wish he'd go away.

Currently, (for the past 2 years) I no longer tell him that I love him and we sleep in separate rooms. I have the feeling that he now feels that I could walk out at any moment. This has seemed to calm him down and greatly lessened his constant urge to attack. I feel like if I show ANY vulnerability or weakness, I am setting myself up for another attack.

Since I am stuck, does anyone have any thoughts about how I am handling the situation? Is this the right thing to do? I would love for him to just decide to leave or divorce me, but I don't know how to get him to do it on his own. I wish I could just buy him another wife.

#2 Jul 3 - 7PM

Carolyn

You are doing a great job of

You are doing a great job of identifying the problem now you need to go into your own head in order to figure out how you get out of this. The guy is nuts and you are distancing. do you have a place to go, can you find job skills, do you have children? What do you need financially to go? It is slow but you are on your way. Ask us what the specifics are. Many women here have been where you are and they are great at helping you out the door to your new life.

#3 Jul 2 - 3PM

Barbara (not verified)

helpme

Narcissists & Psychopaths RARELY commit suicide - since they are perfect and blameless they only do this to rope you back into a relatioship. If they threaten, call the POLICE to come check on them. That should put a stop to that. Narcs will become verbally or emotionally violent when challenged, but if he gets PHYSICALLY violent he's moved up the scale to PSYCHOPATHY. All Psychopaths are Narcissists but not all Narcissists are Psychopaths. Here's 2 more forums for you as a victim of a Psychopath: http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/forum and http://www.aftermath-surviving-psychopathy.org/ Go to the MESSAGE BOARD and start scanning thru every page - I have loaded it with articles to help you "get it." And stick around here. But do NOT do NOTHING. DO NOT KID YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN 'MANAGE' HIM... get out get out get out. See if you can have things to do WITHOUT HIM Over the weekend. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#4 Jul 2 - 2PM

helpme (not verified)

are they typically violent when confronted?

We don't argue or fight because he immediately turns things back on me and won't discuss or accept any responsbility. i am not currently afraid of him, but I am afraid of what he might do if I acted on something. I have young children and there are locked guns in the house. Part of me thinks he is a coward, but then I look at his life. If I remove myself, he has no one to fall back on. No support. He will not speak to his family, so I am it. It makes me question what he might do if backed into a corner. Do the typically become violent or do they have a tendency toward suicide?

#5 Jul 2 - 1PM

Barbara (not verified)

helpme

see an attorney ASAP. he won't divorce you - you're his SLAVE. It's up to you to do something. Help yourself. Call your local DV Crisis Center and get into counseling, even group. Even if you just sit there and listen it will help you. I am bumping up some divorce/ attorney resources for 'healing' - please use them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

#6 Jul 2 - 1PM

sassyredhead

Do You...

Have any family at all who can help you out financially during this difficult time?

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