From A "Normal" Males Perspective...

I am a single 38yo, handsome and (pre-recession) a very successful entrepreneur. I’m in this forum as a male as not much material is written about the narcissistic female and so, as many Ph.D’s suggest, other than gender specific instances the NPD predator is very similar… So I read..

I’ll do my best to be brief. I thought I had it all when I met Kelly. Marquee family father a fashion Senior Exec/Director, 90210 Zip, College educated, Sorority girl who was bright, The life of the party and she was best friends to my COO and 17 year HS friend’s fiancé. Sorority sisters they had known each other for 14 years. The fiance had been dating my friend for over 4 years and equally intelligent, we all traveled together and I knew her to be a sweetheart and very compassionate…

The introduction of Kelly to our group, and the friends attempt at matchmaking came with only one warning… “She’s going through a rough time as the family found out that the father had been living a double life; Home, mistress ect.” Then 35 years old, a home owner, the business growing and a previous history of being a personal advisor to a member of an overseas Royal Family and immersed in the ugliness of political backstabbing, underhanded rivals and security issues always at the front of my mind I thought I was well equipped to begin in earnest my attempt to seek a life partner and begin a family.

Being raised on Dr. Laura in a loving, strict two parent home where morals and ethics were not just taught they were lived I had my mothers compassion and my fathers example to guide me. I have dated successfully many women and due to any number of many reasons it just had not worked out. To my knowledge I had never been cheated on, nor did I ever place myself in a position to be tempted to cheat myself nor someone I cared about. (I really don’t get it, honestly I don’t get it.). Jaded a bit from the narcissist I’ll further detail to the women that I’m not a slouch. The Prom Queen asked me to the Sadie Hawkins dance and I’m told now by all the Facebook friends from my past that I was their idea of “the all American Boy.”

My employees have been with me since I started. Now downsized I retained 3 of the original 22 and that hurts me. I’m no well equipped narcissist able to without conscience make this period of responsibility I have undertaken enjoyable… Though I do know some that find no pain in cutting off someone’s livelihood. Long story short, my guard down we began a courtship/friendship of over 2 years. She was lost and making some bad decisions and red flags did wave. I, as she, placed them on the tearing apart of the family that I was lead to believe was going on when in fact she was, in my opinion, abused by the mother whom I came to know as overly sedated and self medicated…

We would sometimes communicate for weeks. Texting whores the two if us. I would take weeks off and, without clouding it with sex, spent weeks trying to help her get back on to her feet. I met the family and she had a very bright and successful sister that was my age. I had found my “soul mate.” Then the day that ran into night that we began the relationship went a bit awkward… She began to push a bit more and I didn’t notice it then but remember it well now. When morning came, she was already up and as I walked into the living room I said “good morning bebe..” She turned and screamed “SHUT UP!” at me and then said in a completely different voice “I don’t know why I said that.” That was, and will forever be the most gut wrenching event of my life. I have been in many tight, life or death situations, that among the others to follow changed me.

I did not know, even working for Royalty, what a personality disorder was all about. I have since through my father and business partner at the same time altering the condition of my company learned he is BPD and my brother and I were raised “strict” due to the borderline being a very black and white individual. I stuck it out 8 months due to her allowing me (deceiving me) into thinking she was going to move away from LA and what I thought was pulling her down and get Psychiatric help. She projected onto me that I was a liar, the exact opposite of all I have ever been, I just do not have time to lie (I tend to round up) but other than the very unintended miscommunication ect I don’t and I cannot have liars around me… So I tried and tried to prove it out… Supporting her financially she gamed me and ripped my heart out in the end… a PI and several phone bills later and I found out she was seeing several guys darn near the entire time. Spending so much of the relationship trying to prove I was not cheating, was not a liar was not this or that, to find that out in the end angered me to no end.

So the reason I post tonight in this forum is this reason. As Ms. Scott is a very beautiful woman, she mentioned (I hope I have this right as I misplaced the page) that she knew her soon to be husband as somewhat conceited. In my many moons dating I chose the same. Confident, popular all the right attributes to be the pick of the litter and I think that’s what both men and women, sorry quality men and women, get fixated on. Normally if you were to meet notice me at say the Whisky I’m not that overbearing guy that is going to smother you. I have lost out to many of them but I cannot force myself on to women like that. Maybe my looks carried me too far, but bars are not where I find my dates either… It just seems to me that the Marquee types, the questionable Narcissists from the onset get too much play by the quality folks and I just wanted to say, as I am learning too, that sometimes flashy or confidence is confused and a second look with Personality Disorder filters on is (maybe jaded) but well worth it…

I appreciate your work and altering the gender/circumstances find no fault with it as it in most respects mirrors the Disordered of my life. I believe though I can at times read (I hope incorrectly) the anger against him and maybe men generalized as you relate qualities of your abuser and as a successful business owner I at times exhibit through my leadership rolls, rather necessity as the leader a commanding cannot be dissuaded, I am right attitude. I always have ears open, but people are right sometimes and confidence is based on knowledge so some guys are able to balance the confidence, leadership, power, and most importantly conscience and empathy for all others at the same time... It's not easy so give us good guys a brake some times! :o)

The anger I have it too still lingering around at times and can offer up the only things that keeps me chugging along, it's the notion that it will for me be just that much sweeter to finally have that “One” someday Rocks my world and will allow me to go through the day without needing to tell me that "you're stupid" an "Idiot" and mine struck me 2 different times so they can be violent too... But I know my girls out there looking for me too… Good luck Ladies!