New here and need some help

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#1 November 4, 2009 - 9:34pm
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

New here and need some help

Hi everybody! I am new here and looking for some help. There is nobody in my life I can talk to about this because they don't understand. It's not as simple as they think, but from reading other posts on this site I know that you guys will understand. I have been seeing a guy for about 7 months now and things have changed so much. The first few months were great. He was basically prince charming. But in the past few months I have got to know him more and i am seeing someone who is a whole different person.

He makes me feel like nothing. He blames everything on me and has these crazy mood swings. One day he's happy then the next day he "hates the world" and says things like " nobody should praise God they should praise me. I am the God". and he says he hates christmas because he doesn't understand why people can't celebrate him for a whole day. He brings up my past and threatens to hurt any of my ex's if he sees them. I feel like i am constantly walking on eggshells around him. Like nothing I do is right or good enough. He will have a good day where he treats me so good but then there will be a week long period where he talks to me like a piece of garbage. If i get upset or even shed a single tear, he somehow manages to turn it all around on me. I treat him so well and give him all of my heart and he doesn't seem to care.

He lacks compassion. He honestly can't feel for anyone but himself. He says it's not his job to understand how i feel i should just tell him or be quiet, but he expects me to understand him. He doesn't care if i am upset or in pain. He told me that if he saw an old lady laying on the street he would just pass by and not stop. He syas he doesn't know her so why is it his responsibility to help. He says his time is precious. The way he talks makes me sick. He is incapable of feeling for anyone but himself. He cares about money and power more than anything in the world. He is very scary and I don't think i have the strength to leave. He has me so tight. He has made it so that I feel as though I need him. I want to be strong but I am so scared. How do you guys get the courage to leave?

November 9, 2009 - 12:57pm
time_to_move_on's picture

don't be with anyone...

who makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells. It's really, really tiring. And there is always the risk that one day they could seriously hurt you physically. Leave, before it goes on way too long, I've been out with a lot of jerks. The last one was a year, but I knew on the first date he could be a problem, three months down the line he was threatening to kill me...but I stayed. I could have saved myself some sleepless nights of thinking "is that him at the door?" if I'd left back at the beginning. You really don't want to be trying to work out if he'll leave you alone afterwards, or if you'll be feeling even worse in a few months. Anyone you find scary you should run from. You want to be cared for. You will feel good when you leave, even though it can take time. Do it for yourself.
November 8, 2009 - 10:45pm
a new creation
a new creation's picture

Wow! Are you dating my exN?

Wow! Are you dating my exN? Your so called relationship sounds like the one I just ran for my life from. If you're scared now think of how scary it will be if you don't leave. Be afraid. Be very afraid to spend one more minute with him. Run. Leave. Get out as fast as you can. As I read somehwere: Put the pedal to the metal. He will destroy you. You're stronger than you think. You can leave. We're all rooting for you.
November 8, 2009 - 8:49pm
Monica's picture

Laura...please leave now

The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave. And the more damage he will do to you that will be harder and take longer to recover from. It is so easy for 7 months to turn into 17 months to turn into 7 years and it won't be long before you are a shell of a person because he has sucked all the life and soul out of you in an impossible attempt to fill himself, which can never and will never be filled. Please leave now. Soon you will lose yourself completely and not even recognize yourself in the mirror. You will wonder where "you" went. And you will start a long and painful journey to find yourself again. But the longer you stay, the harder it will be. End it now and get out. Lord knows I wish I had gotten out much sooner than I did. I think most of us here wish that. My heart goes out to you and I wish you strength and resolve.
November 8, 2009 - 11:54am
Kate (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Seriously! GET OUT NOW

I don't know if you read my VERY LONG story... but I had a feeling I should have left around the 2 month mark- but didn't... the 4 month mark -- but didn't -- the 7 month mark --- nope = didn't! And now I realize he was hypnotizing me back to him everytime because it became easier to stay and "work it out" BAH - HUMBUG!!!! I WISH I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN OUT sooner... I ended up MARRYING MINE and he wasn't satisfied until he had completely humiliated me and trashed my character to my daughter, my friends, ruined my credit, my financial state - EVERything!!!! and then he just Threw me in the street like Trash!!!!! GET OUT - GET OUT - GET OUT!!!!!!!!! my God! Save YourSELF NOW!!!!!!!! And follow the advice about EDUCATING YOURSELF. Read like a FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!! All Fired Up!!!
November 8, 2009 - 12:15pm (Reply to #12)
AnotherPath's picture


completely know where you're coming from. Wish I'd left at 4 months then 6 months then a year but NO nearly 8 years, hospitalised, him convicted, 2 children, him trying to take my house i paid for and make us homeless, steeling my car, no child support and me ending up in financial ruin trying to buy the pig out which he hasn't signed. And now having to deal with the ongoing child contact issues is court (more financial ruin) and the emotional crap around the kids bad mouthing me to them, playing happy families with his new gf and child, and him trying to destroy me through the courts. That's how bad it gets when you don't leave early on. The only good thing is I left when the kids were 2 and 4. Leave that and stay with him 20 years and he will turn the kids against you and damage them so much you don't even have sane children and they WILL repeat the whole thing over again. Welcome to the narcissistic psychopath......

Ending the dance

November 8, 2009 - 10:20am
AnotherPath's picture


Please Get out and stop contact. `This is the beginning of nasty stuff which will take you down and you will need years to heal from. Educate yourself. Read EVERYTHING there is about narcissistic personality disorder, become obsessed with reading. Knowledge is power and in the meantime do not be in contact with him. You know he's not good, I hear that in your messge, and if you think this is bad.................. it gets far worse than you can ever ever imagine.

Ending the dance

November 8, 2009 - 9:58am
NanC (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Please please leave and be glad that you haven't wasted anymore time on this man! How horrible is it that he can not have any compassion for not even a poor old fallen lady? He puts himself on the same level has "GOD"? Come on Laura, that dude is a freak! I know, they are sooo manipulating and you start believing that they are not as bad as they sound...yes, they are every bit as bad as they sound! You need to get out and dump him before he dumps you because then you will feel even worse and then you end up chasing him and, oh its just horrible! Whatever you do, do not let yourself get pregnant! You're nightmares will never end then....
November 4, 2009 - 10:42pm
grossot's picture


How do you guys get the courage to leave? No time for mustering up courage - just leave - get out - block all his calls - make it impossible for him to contact you and DO NOT CONTACT HIM - He's toxic! Stay on here and educate yourself! YOU TELL LIES LIKE A CHILD SPEAKS THE TRUTH SO GOOD YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ~LISA SCOTT~(go to music tab) nolongercontrolled
November 4, 2009 - 9:49pm
tasha's picture

welcome laura

You've come to the right place, sounds like you got a Narcissist Problem there.this is a good place for you to be read as much you can, you will find that you are not alon ein your experience and that there is a wealth of insight and information for you here. I think there is a recent post here about how to leave. Check it out, might be helpful to you right now. Plan to leave,if there's one thing I have learnt, the more you stay with them-the more they hurt you. Leaving him is standing up for yourself-doing what you need to, to survive. You are important!!!So Good luck and again welcome to enlightenment :)!!
November 4, 2009 - 9:45pm
Amazed's picture

Laura,,get out NOW

Laura, it has only been 7 months,,get out now before he hooks his claws in even tighter on you. He is obviously not a healthy human being, or positive relaitonship for you. You life, happiness, self esteem, is not depended on him. He has a lot of problems, and when he see the radical change, you know he is putting on an act. You do not want to get anymore involved with someone who seeks to put you down and intimidate and bully you. Get out now. No explainations needed. You can handle it. He sounds like a Narcissitic personality,,tough to explain, learn about it,,in the meantime,,just do not call him, do not text, make other plans,,,
November 4, 2009 - 9:52pm (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Go to SHARE YOUR STORY start reading those stories should be more than enough for you to GET OUT go to MY BLOG and read through ALLLLLLL the entries. Yes. all of them Listen to our radio show You'll have more than enough reason to RUN LIKE HELL! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
November 8, 2009 - 10:57am (Reply to #3)
itreallyisabouthim's picture

I am now realizing that I

I am now realizing that I was in a very brief, very toxic relationship with a man like you're describing when in my early 20's (eons ago ;). I am realizing I've been with 3 Narcissists, and he was the scariest. I remember the feeling of not being sure it was safe to get out. I walked him to a public place and told him it was over. I remember being SO frightened of what would happen, as he was totally love bombing me at the time. To my surprise and great education, he sort of glazed over and his eyes focused on something else (with that intense, psycho stare he had) and I just left. It was like his brain was moving on to something else he had in mind. So scary that this was his reaction but more evidence that this man was NOT human. I avoided him after that, mostly successfully and eventually he just sort of dropped off the map. I know some men get really scary, though, and can beg and plead for your return. Whichever reaction you get, it makes total sense to go 100% NO contact after you split. Any information you receive after the breakup will NOT clarify things, just make things more bizarre. Get out and start healing. Seven months is too long to waste on these sorts of people, but congrats on not staying longer!
November 9, 2009 - 1:01pm (Reply to #6)
time_to_move_on's picture


luckily, mine did that too. He moved on somewhere else quickly, and he never pleads. But I'm still scared, am going to give it a few more months before that subsides :)
November 8, 2009 - 8:29pm (Reply to #4)
4joys4's picture

A lot of us were afraid to

A lot of us were afraid to leave. Be afraid. But do it anyway. Do it "with fear". Just do it. Get a therapist and a plan.
November 9, 2009 - 7:30am (Reply to #5)
James (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Please listen....

Laura, I do so hope you listen to these wonderful people and get out asap! Relationships with these type of people will only “repeat” only get worst and never gets better.. Me? 17 years in a destructive dysfunctional emotional roller coaster ride that got scarier and scarier as the years pass me by... Please read learn and get out!!! Having children with these people will tie you to them for years to come!!! And they know That!!!