Narcissists and Holidays

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#1 November 9, 2009 - 7:31am
Anonymous (not verified)
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Narcissists and Holidays

During my relationship with my ex N (a long part of which was long distance for months), he "forgets" to greet me on special occasions like my birthday, Valentine's day, New Years, etc. When I do bring that up, he says he didn't forget but has convenient excuses as to why he wasn't able to greet me. I usually just let it go even if I'm hurt. One time, I let on that I felt hurt but that didn't stop him from forgetting to greet me again come the next holiday.

What's the rationale behind this? Do they do it intentionally to hurt us? Or they simply didn't care?

November 9, 2009 - 11:45am
cynthia (not verified)
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holidays

My psychopath didnt give a rats ass about holidays, never put up a tree, NOTHING, he said it was just like any other day. Well its NOT like any other day, I enjoy being with my family around the holidays he has no children so it is him that is missing what the day is all about. I got laid off work so we wont be doing much gift giving this year but it will be nice to have a nice family dinner together. I am not going to put too much thought into what the holidays will be like, they are what they are some years are worse than others some are better, its what we make of them from the heart and thats the best we can do
November 9, 2009 - 8:54am
Beachcolors
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So very common with N's

This is one of those issues in dealing with a N that is the most perplexing. Like Barbara said, the perfect medium to hurt you. To me this is the strangest thing. It is a true testament to the fact that they are subhumans. Even the most empty cold hearted person doesn't enjoy spending a holiday alone. But with a N, they literally detest the idea of enjoying a holiday....and not just for them but for YOU. They will do anything they can to completely ruin what is otherwise a effortless happy day. Holidays, birthdays, weddings, showers, parties.....it matters not, if it's means something to you he will destroy it and smile while he does it.
November 9, 2009 - 8:50am
Beachcolors
Beachcolors's picture

So very common with N's

This is one of those issues in dealing with a N that is the most perplexing. Like Barbara said, the perfect medium to hurt you. To me this is the strangest thing. It is a true testament to the fact that they are subhumans. Even the most empty cold hearted person doesn't enjoy spending a holiday alone. But with a N, they literally detest the idea of enjoying a holiday....and not just for them but for YOU. They will do anything they can to completely ruin what is otherwise a effortless happy day. Holidays, birthdays, weddings, showers, parties.....it matters not, if it's means something to you he will destroy it and smile while he does it.
November 9, 2009 - 7:47am
Barbara (not verified)
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nothing deep here

Rationale? for a Narc? never! to a Narc a holiday is a perfect medium to hurt you and see your reaction. Period. Nothing deep here. Just abuse. And fun for them: http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/07/hurting-you-isnt-something-narcissists.html http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/2008/11/holidays-with-narcissists-suck.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My Abuse Information Site Online Coaching & Help
November 9, 2009 - 11:00am (Reply to #2)
4joys4
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I've seen 2 types of

I've seen 2 types of behavior around the holidays with narcs. The first is they dont participate. They make excuses like it's just a commercialized scheme to make money. But they are cheap and cant relate to "happy". Or they just like to control the day and make everyone miserable like they are. (power and control) The other narc loved his birthday and christmas, like a child. But always, always, he was let down because of what he thought he should get and how the day should have been. An idealized version of the holidays where he is front and center and gets all his wishes come true. Like a fantasy.