The loneliness and obsessing

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#1 September 18, 2017 - 12:57pm

The loneliness and obsessing

It's been 36 days since I told him we were done. It felt great. Heck, up to that point we had been together for 2 1/2 years and he had discarded me like a piece of garbage countless times. The reasons were ridiculous and most times not my fault. He's a tornado and gets mad about something small and then just spins and finally discards me over something that had nothing to do with our initial argument. Regardless, it's done. But my question is how to I get over the obsessing... The wondering what he's doing, is he thinking about me, has he already moved on. I initiated no contact with him but of course he would show up at my house. It's been a week since that stopped. I suspect he's moved on. But truthfully it's the not knowing what's going on with him. I hate the guy, I love him. I don't miss him, I miss him incredibly. I want someone in my life, I can't bare the thought of someone. Seriously it feels some days like my head is going to blow off. I've done lots of reading and talk to all my friends. But I know they all think I'm in a good place with this, truth is there are still days I'm spinning. His lies are all coming to light. He's an alcoholic (although he doesn't think so), told me a month ago he flushed his drugs when i left (same drugs he told me a year ago he stopped do), he says he's been faithful but at this point I don't know what to believe. Near the end of our time, sex was even getting bizarre with porn needing to be on and talk of fantasies with us meeting someone in a bar and them coming up to the room with us. (All stuff I would never do).... Does my story sound familiar to anyone???? How do I stop thinking about this person who has my head spinning???? I know I don't want him back, but I also don't want to think about him anymore. I spent so much of our relationship sobbing....