How do we get out?

so i am ready to file for divorce. i have a lawyer, i posted a couple of weeks ago about him being in law enforcement. he had a major rage episode last week in front of our daughters (8 and 11) both of whom he is using...i was scared, they were scared, he blamed me. and this is laughable-says that fit, and all the trouble in the marriage-my fault, i "hid" my feelings. i mean, me saying "im not happy" or "we need counselling" or "would you go to counseling with me" over and over never actually happened?
anyway-the thing is-what do i do? i serve the papers, then...what? and how scary is it? i need to do this before he does- as he is telling me he gets the girls. over and over, you wont get the kids, i get the kids, i will be custodial parent (which is obviously child support related), and if he files first he COULD MAYBE get temporary custody...
but HOW do we do this part??? everyone talks about doing it or they did it, but what hell do you go thru? i need to be ready...a place to live? (which for me is a HUGE guilt trip-my dad is almost done completely remodeling out house, for free, and i am about to drop the D which affectively means, no more house-and what will dad think?? yes he knows what is going on but the guilt!!!!) do i get my own place? how do i make rent AND half the payments/bills at the house? i have worked very hard since i decided to get out in Jan, paid bills off, down to house remodeling related bills and medical related...
how did all of you do it? we have no huge savings account or anythign liek that, our retirement accounts should equal out that we dont have to divide them, there wont be some big Settlement...if we sell the house, it will be for what we can get....advise???