Help! SOS. My N just made contact. 1st ever

16 posts / 0 new

#1 Sep 23 - 11AM

Anonymous (not verified)

Help! SOS. My N just made contact. 1st ever

Its a shock to me because I broke up with him almost a month ago and neither of us have contacted eachother. Then I join this site last night, write my story, read all about Narcissistic Supply and how the N will eventually contact for supply reasons not because he misses me.

And BAM he texts me just now that he wants to see how I am doing and asks if he can call later.
I did not write back, need some feedback from you guys need your strength! seeingPeace

#2 Sep 23 - 5PM

Carolyn

Lisa's NO CONTACT will serve

Lisa's NO CONTACT will serve you right now. The narcissist has a very seductive side but it is not attached to any 'emotional' self. he was bored and wanted to contact people -you were one of the people. they do not do being physically alone very well and they have a terrible attack of fear that they are abandoned when they are alone so they fill their lives with shallow contacts. Where you are attached emotionally and intellectually he is only operating intellectually and from a lot of negative emotions: fear jealousy, envy, anger etc. Your NO CONTACT and this website messageboard plus info from Barbara, Lisa, Sandra Brown and the other people posting will help you maintain distance until you are over the anxiety that they cause. It is like kicking any addiction you have to stay away from what it is you are addicted to as the cycle never changes and you will never get out of this what you deserve. It is time for you to move on to your new future and better people. You truly deserve that.

#3 Sep 23 - 2PM

Scoop

There was a good post on

There was a good post on here a week or so blaming the weather when some of our narcs started to make contact . The turning of summer into Autumn . It is the Autumn equinox today . A good time to light a candle , make a little offering and to remember the goddess inside . Peru x

#4 Sep 23 - 1PM

a new creation

Hang on to your Perspective

Please remember that your exN does not care about you. He only cares about himself. You're ignoring him and he's needing attention for himself. His conacting you has nothing to do with him missing you. I broke up my exN one month ago and as painful as it has been I'm in a much better place today. Decide that you are going NC and keep it that way. You did the right thing by asking for help. Ask for it as long as you need it. That's one of the reasons that this site exists. Don't lower yourself to his standards. Stay strong!

#5 Sep 23 - 1PM

dolce (not verified)

Yup! Don't respond. Change

Yup! Don't respond. Change your number. ~Free to Be~

#6 Sep 23 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

James (not verified)

OMG

OMG he didn't even wait for at least one month, not a good sign. Anyway it doesn't matter because no doubt he doesn't know what you been up and how much power in knowledge you now have. It's been said if there is a will there is a way and these people always find a way... http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

#7 Sep 23 - 1PM (Reply to #12)

quietude (not verified)

seeking

DON'T DO IT GIRL!!! There's no good that will come of it. After just a month, I understand how just GETTING a call can work us into an emotional omg - what to do!? Been there. So imagine talking to him, that'll likely put you back at square one. Think of why he's calling. To check on you because he cares? NOPE. To try to win you back? Maybe. To further abuse you? Maybe. He needs his ego fed, and good attention or bad will work equally as well for him. Remember, this is only about him, not you or your suffering. p.s. James, this last time mine abandoned me - as in leaving just a note when I got home - contacted me just days later begging to come back...talk about a huge mind screw! :(

#8 Sep 23 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

no contact

DO NOT RESPOND BLOCK HIM or CHANGE YOUR NUMBER. NO CONTACT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#9 Sep 23 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

Liberty (not verified)

Please listen to all the words of wisdom here

I was in exactly your position yesterday. My ex didn't even wait 7 days since I dumped his sorry arse to text me 'I don't want to lose you'. I was online here when it came and that helped, but I broke after 4 hours replying 'Then don't' and I have heard nothing from him since. Since replying and the dawning realisation that he just used me to see if I'd engage (proof of his NC since) I feel I have set myself back the 6 days of healing process. I have felt depressed today, worthless, humiliated, stupid... I know this is part of the process to make me strong to finally trust that I shall never ever respond, but I'd rather just do it straight. Please believe me when I say I am starting to get what everyone here means when they say don't do it. Of course many of us have to get it the hard way, but if by coming here can spare you that then I pray that you will stay strong as you have done for nearly a month. I was advised to recall all the crap they put you through and it works. I mean if these relationships were healthy a man saying 'I don't want to lose you' would mean it and evidence this by feeling delighed with a reply and would go all out to prove his love etc etc. These jerks are just delighted that they've had their power fix. I'm learning that now, painfully. You are not alone. Liberty

#10 Sep 23 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

Monica

Liberty...you taught me a good lesson!

Liberty....thank you so much for sharing so honestly your recent experience of your xN contacting you. You responded to him and then there was silence. You have taught me a great lesson. They only want to know they still have us hooked and even a simple response such as yours assures them they are still in control and it's all they need...after that, silence. NOT responding is absolutely the BEST response and puts US in control...maybe for the first time ever. I am just starting to get it, too. I am only 3 days NC (5 days NC regarding the personal relationship - it's complicated!) and I will NOT respond if he texts or calls me (our only forms of communication now, thank goodness!). Your experience has given me much strength and clarity. I also made an appointment with a therapist today. Thank you.

#11 Sep 24 - 2AM (Reply to #11)

Liberty (not verified)

Monica- Message on 'the effect of breaking NC'

Hi Monica, I am so pleased that if only in some small way, expressing my struggle may have been of use to you. You are very welcome. Liberty x

#12 Sep 23 - 4PM (Reply to #7)

Scoop

"I mean if these

"I mean if these relationships were a healthy man saying i dont want to lose you would mean it and evidence this by feeling delighted with a reply and would go on to prove his love etc etc ". High five sister . You just nailed it . Peru x

#13 Sep 23 - 5PM (Reply to #9)

Liberty (not verified)

(((((Peru)))))

Thank you for that. xx

#14 Sep 23 - 5PM (Reply to #8)

Liberty (not verified)

(((((Peru)))))

Thank you for that. xx

#15 Sep 23 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

Barbara (not verified)

Liberty, seekingPeace

I feel I have set myself back the 6 days of healing process. I have felt depressed today, worthless, humiliated, stupid. you are not stupid (but have set yourself back) For GOSH SAKE BLOCK HIM BLOCK EMAILS AND IMS CHANGE YOUR PHONE & CELL NUMBERS to unlisted RETURN ALL MAIL UNOPENED - RETURN TO SENDER CALL POLICE IF HE COMES TO YOUR DOOR DO NOT ACCEPT FLOWERS, ETC - RETURN RETURN ALL BOXES UNOPENED. NO CONTACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/10/am-i-who-he-says-i-am http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/18/no-contact-list http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/01/why-do-we-remain-denial-so-long ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#16 Sep 23 - 7PM (Reply to #6)

Fawn

Remind Yourself

When I was at this point, I went back and read my journals and reminded myself of all of the horrible things the N did to me over 15 years of marriage (and 10 years of off and on dating). Trust me, this idiot was so deep in my brain, I thought I would NEVER get him out, but I have. NC is the only way. Not seeing him, not talking, texting, emailing, surrounding yourself with good people who care about you, taking really good care of yourself, it will work eventually.

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