is he going crazy now?

21 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jul 8 - 1PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

is he going crazy now?

It's been 2.5 weeks N free. The only relapse I had was answering his call a few days back after a day and half of not smoking and then letting him drive me crazy til I broke down crying and drove to the gas station for a pack of cigarettes. I've been smoking since.

But I want to know what he's thinking. Is he sitting there, wondering where it all went wrong? Depressed? Is he calling me a psycho-bitch? What does he feel? Is he hurt? Does he really believe all his lies or.... Hmmmm...as I type this, I am realizing the answer....

In his mind, it was ME. All my fault. Everything he said was true and I conjured up all the lies I knew he told.

Why do most of them come back over and over? Why don't they just move on to some other unsuspecting, trusting, smart, giving, kind woman?

Why does it kinda bother me to think he's out just having fun, no worries, no concern about the loss (me). And off he goes, to give someone else HSV-2 and then when she finds out she has it, she'll never suspect he could've given it to her because he'll have told her he's only been with his ex-wife like he told me.

I can promise there is no way I'll ever get back with him.
A) my family would think I am fucking nuts
B) I WOULD BE fucking nuts
C) I don't or will I ever trust him.
D) I got sick of sex everyday. EVERY DAY!
E) I feel better without him
F) I have my freedom back
G) I don't have to cook for him every night
H) I don't have to go to all his stupid softball
and soccer games (Its a NS for him because
he is the best on the team.)
I) I don't have to see how screwed up his 26 year
old son is who just got his 3rd DUI and blew
3 times the lilmit.

I could think of more but I these are more than enough, right???

Thanks for listening :)

Jul 10 - 6PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

that is a good bunch of

that is a good bunch of things to be glad about. Now that you are free what's next? I think you will find some great and interesting people and things to do because you were smart enough to blow this guy away. the son sounds like a victim making victims and in some states a 3rd DUI means no license in that state for life. You have an opportunity, now that you are free, to design the next part of your life. A different job, a fun vacation, meeting other people developing a hobby, taking a class, there are a lot of things out there for someone who deserves a much better set of experiences than you would get from a narcissist and his son the driving drunkard. Go for it!
Jul 9 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jane - therapy

I'm glad that book is helping you but you need someone that KNOWS about the severe effects and PTSD symptoms a PATHOLOGICAL like your ex leaves you with. This is a hell of a lot more than a 'broken heart' and obviously you are still having problems. You ran into a very common problem - the majority of therapists who JUST DO NOT GET IT. You may want to do phone counseling with someone trained at Sandra Brown's Institute: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/counseling-ctr/find-a-therapist There is also an Inpatient Program for people like us in Clearwater, Florida which I have information on. If you want to write me at [email protected] and tell me where you live I will be happy to look around and see if I can find someone for you.
Jul 9 - 6PM (Reply to #18)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Barbara, I am doing

Thanks Barbara, I am doing fine really... I've done leaps of progress since we broke up nine months ago. I think my cravings aren't really cravings for him per se, but more for that aparent emotional intimacy / closeness that I shared with him. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 9 - 9PM (Reply to #19)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jane

it's ADDICTION. Not missing intimacy Not codependence. So we'll see.... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 9 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jane

Don't GUESS - he was. Just read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS for what they do to your mind, your hormones, your body chemistry. He WAS a drug. Women, in my experience struggle for months with the No Contact thing. Many here have struggled and finally learned... the hard way. Are you in therapy? Recieving help in any way? Medication? If your cravings are strong that's PTSD - make NO MISTAKE! I am also very aware there are women here who are STILL in contact with their Ns and don't want to admit it or are lying to us about it. The only ones they are hurting are themselves. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 9 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jane

Don't GUESS - he was. Just read WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS for what they do to your mind, your hormones, your body chemistry. He WAS a drug. Women, in my experience struggle for months with the No Contact thing. Many here have struggled and finally learned... the hard way. Are you in therapy? Recieving help in any way? Medication? If your cravings are strong that's PTSD - make NO MISTAKE! I am also very aware there are women here who are STILL in contact with their Ns and don't want to admit it or are lying to us about it. The only ones they are hurting are themselves. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 9 - 6PM (Reply to #15)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

No I'm not in therapy. I

No I'm not in therapy. I talked to three different "therapists" in the week following the breakup, but they looked at me as if I was making a big deal out of nothing. So I did what I do best: I got over him in my own time with my own strength. I read books on the subject, I meditated, I prayed, I met new people, and threw myself in my work. The cravings I still occassionally get from time to time are tied with my cycle, so I'm aware it is just a hormonal reflex. But I'm pretty disciplined about it: allowing myself no more than 15 minutes, then shrinking the thought away. Everyone who is struggling might want to get Paul McKenna's book - I can mend your broken heart - it is really helpful. The book offers practical methods to address and manage the emotional pain of a broken heart. Highly effective. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 9 - 3AM
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

What if I was the one craving contact?

After reading so many posts here, it seems that the majority of the Narcs you had in your life kept coming back and contacting you. Have any of you been in a situation where their exN severed all contact and it was you craving it? Mine requested a time out and a month later just severed all contact - changed numbers, blocked my email address and moved countries - leaving me to make sense of the whole mess. If I have to be honest, it was me that was craving contact after that - I just wanted an explanation, why did he lead me on like that and why did he blame every thing on me. I just wanted answers, as to why all the deceit, the pretence, the drama. I've often wondered whether there was something wrong with me for that... why would I want contact with an ex who was clearly bad for me? The only reason that I can find is that I was still in raw shock at the time. However, I still have my moments where I wonder what he is up to, only to shudder in disgust a few moments later. Today marks a year from the day that shattered the illusion that was my relationship... On the one part I am happy because I haven't wasted another year of my life, on the other I'm sad because I miss the closeness, albeit aparent, that I had with this person. It's hard to keep an open mind and not get bitter after experiences like ours. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 9 - 1PM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Jane

oh hell yes. It is more common for the victim to crave it. you crave contact because of Trauma Bonding: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2005/06/captive-hearts-captive-minds-freedom.html http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/why-do-you-stay-traumatic-bonding-and.html He addicted you to him and now you have to detox & deprogram - that takes time & help. Took me about 3 years to want to not contact mine. It's like quitting a serious drug addiction. Really. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 9 - 5PM (Reply to #13)
Jane (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thanks Barbara! I was

Thanks Barbara! I was starting to have some serious doubts about whether I was the one with the personality disorder! Most of the females on here seem to be so strong and resolved when it comes to maintaining NO CONTACT from the get go... It took me a couple of months for the craving to subside. You are right, I guess he was like a drug to me. Jane http://sadlynomore.blogspot.com
Jul 8 - 6PM
trueblue101
trueblue101's picture

Hi Devoured_Soul, It is

Hi Devoured_Soul, It is amazing how so many of these N's are the same. When I broke up with mine I tried to be mature and do the whole "there are no right or wrong answers, it just wasnt a good fit, i wish you the best,....blah blah). He wished me the best and kept initiating contact and wouldnt leave me alone and then I really told him how I felt (that he was a piece of crap, i deserved better, he was a liar, even on his best day he wasnt good enough for me). He replied that I WAS THE ONE WITH THE MENTAL problems and needed help. Of course, knowing it wasnt true and that he just said that to get a rise out of me, i didnt answer and three hours later he emailed an apology and wished me the best. A week later, guess what happened--he started to contact me again and told him to stop (i guess i really should have just ignored it but i didnt)contacting me and asked him what it was going to take for him to understand that my life is better without him in it? He has not contacted me since. My point, they always think its your fault but you know the truth and you have to be true to yourself! Do not let the thoughts of him moving on to another woman bother you--it is a blessing in disguise.
Jul 8 - 5PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Devouredsoul

He's already crazy so no need for him to "go crazy." It's already happened. I'm glad you're staying away and don't beat yourself up for smoking. Be patient with yourself and stay away from him. No contact.
Jul 8 - 3PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

devoured

This is all of the noise I used to have buzzing in my head in the first few weeks after he left - very well articulated! I still have some here and there, but in the beginning, it's pretty overwhelming. You jump back and forth between, YAY, he's gone! To, oh no...is he all alone?? To, he probably left me for some young thing...to, oh no...he hasn't e-mailed in a couple days, what does that mean?? And then comes all the WHYYYY'S. I like that you're thinking in terms of, because he's no longer around, I get to do this & that. Good thinking girl! I know I'm better off NOT knowing what he's doing, what he's thinking, how he's feeling because it would ultimately hurt to know anything about him. Plus, if I really want to know what he's thinking, all I have to do is think like a narc (heh), imagine what a narc might say, and BOY, IS THAT A TURN-OFF! lol You sound like you're taking many healthy steps toward recovery...hang in there!
Jul 8 - 1PM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

I can relate so much to

I can relate so much to this. please read my story...."Sooooo HURT!" I as well have so many questions, and I would love to know his next move. It would give me great pleasure, to have one up on him, and come back to retaliate in full force. Im concerned because he hasnt tried to come back yet, mind you its only been a few days, he still has no idea why im so upset. Anyway, part of me believes they are depressed, they are depressed when you leave them first. When you havent left them for another man, but you left because you couldnt stand them anymore. That must be damaging to the ego. I have not relapsed yet, but let me tell you, I would love to call or see him, to give him a piece of my mind, but I think silence is more damaging. We will probably never kno what they are thinking because they are fucked and deserve to die and wallow in there own misery. Just know, I relate with everything you wrote here....EVERYTHING!!!! xo
Jul 9 - 5AM (Reply to #7)
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Read between the lines

Armed with the knowledge of how a N works a few weeks ago i would have been baffled at my ns behaviour this morning but now i get it . im into 5 days no contact he has tried to contact me 2 times . I belong to a political party and we have both been active in local politics . well this email he sent to all party members was "blow it out of the water contraversal " i thought how strange to do this but then i thought of narcissist supply . Having lost his source (me) he needs to get it from somewhere and by writing this email he will get tons of attention . I recon your ns will be feeling depressed and empty and he may do something "grand " to get his feed but the depression he feels is one of a drug addict going cold turkey . He will be back (they all come back in the end ) but the question is what to do about it when they do . This is where i have fallen down 3 times before when he left and then comes back . I supose the diffrence is now i have found this site . peru x
Jul 8 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

whatever2009

My hell, all they ALL identical... whenever I tried to break it off and even this last time, he would ask if there was another man, like that would be "easier" to handle for him. DO WHAT YOU CAN TO NOT CONTACT HIM AND DONT RESPOND IF HE CONTACTS YOU...I gave mine a piece of my mind during our last conversation and it ended 2 hours later with me in tears at the gas station shelling out $5.45 for Marlboro Lights in the box. Point is, it did nothing for me. Give him a piece of your mind in a letter and send it to hell. He'll get it there.
Jul 8 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
grossot
grossot's picture

send it to hell; he'll get it there!

I think that's the best advice yet devoured soul! Anyone have the address to HELL?! You know our N's will just shift the blame to us for them being sent to eternal damnation..... Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jul 8 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

yeah

His Name c/o - Beelzebub's Living Room Couch Apt #It's All About Him Highway to Hell Treat Others Like Crap, Exploit & Use Hell ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 9 - 6PM (Reply to #6)
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the address to hell!!!

LMAO!!!
Jul 8 - 1PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

he's already crazy.

He already is crazy. Since they are devoid of feelings he feels nothing. Everything's your fault and that's the end of it. He is probably busy cruising for new prey or working on roping someone else in or figuring out how to find a new target. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/24/how-tell-what-narcissist ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/