Could Use Some Help Today

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#1 October 13, 2009 - 2:42pm
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Could Use Some Help Today

I'm having one of those intellectual vs emotional moments and need some validation.

My "n" is also a client - long distance luckily. I have not had any communication with him for 7 days and communication for 2 months before then was sparse and unpleasant.

A discount was offered today on a product he had expressed interest in 2 months ago. So, I sent an email from my business account rather than calling. The email was very generic and appeared as though it had been sent as a bulk mailing.

His response, via email, was cold and biting declining the offer. I immediatley reacted to the email with that sinking, sick feeling.

I am still having a very difficult time with how quickly he became so cold and indifferent.

Unlike almost every post I have read, we were only together in a long distance relationship 5 months. We saw one another every weekend and communicated daily via email and phone calls, but it was very short-lived in comparison to the other relationships in these posts.

When we split up it was classic N from what I have read here. He over-reacted to an email I sent essentially letting him know that he was not fooling me. He reacted with so much rage I was shocked. He then projected all of what I now know is his "stuff" on me. Then he put our relationship "on hold" without any explanation as to what that meant. During the 3 weeks we were on hold, he went out of his way to start an arguement. I wouldn't bite. Finally, I couldn't take any more because I felt like I was going nuts! So I just told him no more, I was done, and he listened. Haven't heard from him since.

He toyed with me for 3 weeks. He hurt me, tried to humiliate me, and lied to me. If I had found this site before then I wouldn't have allowed it to go on for so long.

I was feeling pretty good until today. I expected him to ignore the email I had to send today. I was not ready for any response and certainly not the response I received.

I am just having a really tough time wrapping my brain around all of this. From 0-60 in a few months and then 60-0 in one afternoon.

October 13, 2009 - 3:16pm
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


I think *maybe*, just maybe with a normal breakup, there is a possibility of an amiable business relationship that can remain between two people. With a narcissist, no way. Any way you transfer the account to someone else? I know it's dollars out, but probably worth your sanity. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. The 0-60 part was fun and exciting for me at the time; the pain of the 60-0 is unreal, & having continued exposure...I truly feel for you.
October 13, 2009 - 4:58pm (Reply to #8)
tasha's picture

I like that quietude!

The 0-60 part was fun and exciting for me at the time; the pain of the 60-0 is unreal Thats exactly it, the 0-60 part was fun!!it's the 60-0 that hurts!
October 13, 2009 - 3:40pm (Reply to #2)
Bewildered (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thank You Quietude

I did try to transfer it, but he went nuts! Threatened to cancel his account if he was reassigned which ultimatley could have cost me my job. Job's are so scarce right now, I can't risk it. And I now realize that he is capable of just about anything! I really do wish he would try to make contact with me again. I NEED the opportunity to not respond & leave him in limbo. Seems to be the only way to "hurt" these misfits! But, I'm not holding my breath. I think he is too insecure to contact me again. At the end, I wouldn't bend. I just wouldn't let him be right, and I could hear the disgust and resolute in his voice.
October 13, 2009 - 9:00pm (Reply to #6)
4joys (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


Tell your boss that your client has been inappropriate with you and you would like his account transferred to another employee. Then cut off all personal contact with him. You seem ambivalent. You don't like how he treated you but your not willing to let go. If you seriously want to better this situation, you can hit it head on.
October 13, 2009 - 10:28pm (Reply to #7)
Bewildered (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


The only thing I am ambivalent about is the damage he could do to me if his account is reassigned. I work for a huge very conservative corporation. He is very much aware of this and if he twists the truth about our relationship and is believed, or if he follows through on his threat to pull his account, I will be filing for unemployment. He is a very demanding client, and knows how to be heard when he wants to be heard and he lies! I have learned in a very short period of time that the best way to deal with him is to leave him be and let him think he is getting his way. He still has a lot of animosity for me. I could hear it in his voice the last time we spoke and it was in his email today. So I seriously doubt he will be contacting me anytime soon. I am looking for new employment, and will be rid of him for good when I find it. The communication today was necessitated by a new product he had expressed interest in not too long ago and the company is pushing very hard. Ordinarily I only hear from him once or twice a year re his account. I won't hear from him again until March when his renewal comes up. Hopefully I will be gone by that time.
October 13, 2009 - 5:48pm (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


to him EVERYONE's AN OBJECT. if you are no longer useful to him - or he's bored of you - you are disposed of. Narcs have NO REAL EMOTIONS Their BRAINS are wired differently - LITERALLY!! ALLLLLL their behavior is an act and lure simply to get what they want. They are THAT cold and THAT calculating. Have you gotten Lisa's book yet? Are you in therapy? ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
October 13, 2009 - 10:38pm (Reply to #4)
Bewildered (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


I understand what you are saying and I have been reading everything on this site. I am in therapy and I am not going back to him under any circumstances. I just HATE what he did and how well he did it, and it is going to take some time for me to fully accept that I fell for it, and that there are human beings who can appear so loving and kind with such a black heart. At times I just want to blast him with what he really is, but I have learned that whatever I say, he will use to further discredit and demean me. So, I will never say anything to him again because I won't give him any more tools to decieve and manipulate with.
October 13, 2009 - 11:18pm (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

just checking!

o.k. just checkin' ;) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.