owenjohnston's story - part 2

Part 2: Once he was exposed

I was still in denial about him cheating. I just refused to believe it, but in a way it also made sense. But rather than confront him by text I had to wait until I would see him, 2 days later when he "came back from his parents"

So when that day came, after the hell of waiting, I confronted him and I didn't get the reaction I expected. What I expected was fro him to give me an apology and explain why he did it. But instead he just sat there, saying nothing. He just looked annoyed that I found out and when I said I wanted to go to counselling with him and that I wanted him to make it up to me he said "But then I can't do the things I want to" and when I asked if he was thinking about me when he was with the guy, he said he wasn't, but he TEXTED me from the guys bed. He also had the nerve to say that he was happy when he was with the guy and that he had been with him 3 weekends in a row and they had done every kind of sexual act I asked about. Which hurt me so bad because nothing seemed special anymore, because he had done everything we had done with someone else.

On top of that, he admitted to going out clubbing at weekends when I thought he was at his parents house, and then staying in our house. And when i asked him why I couldn't have came with him, he said "Because then I'd have had to talk to you all night instead of being with my friends"

For the next few weeks I was kept awake at night by him texting late at night and every time he got a text he would hide his phone from me so that I couldn't see it. He still built me up with nice "gestures" but that was only so he could knock me down, by telling me things like "You have the smallest penis of anyone I've ever been with" and calling me Pinocchio because I was sensitive about my nose being big. All I kept thinking was "What am I doing, am I taking him for granted and this is why he's not loving me anymore?" And then I kept thinking "Well if he loves me and treats me like this then everyone else would treat me worse".

I think because I had never experienced a relationship before, I just kind of thought of this as the norm. I was also afraid to tell anyone about the abuse in case they started a fight with him e.g. my parents

Then one morning he was in the shower and I found his phone and read texts, as quickly as I could. One text from one of his friends said "Blame Owen, that;s what I'm doing" and then another was from a guy who the N had told me was straight saying things like "I want you right no so bad xxx" etc. Another text from the N to his friend when we were in the supermarket saying "Cuntface is annoying me so much, I just want to run him over with my shopping cart". It hurt me so much to read this because he was supposed to be earning my trust back and being nice, but he wasn't at all.

When we went to counselling together, he sat and said nothing, leaving me to do all the talking and any points the counsellor made towards me, he just quoted them to me at home, so it felt like I was the crazy one because the counsellor took his side. Like the N was the one who made me dependant on him and then the counsellor criticised me for making him my all and relying on him so much.

A few weeks after finding the texts, I installed spyware on his computer to record conversations he was having whilst I was at work and he was "studying". When I had been coming home from work, he was telling me he was tired because he had looked at porn all day, so I decided to see for myself. But porn to him isn't movies, it's personal. It's chat rooms and webcams. There were MSN conversations to people in other countries, telling them that I would be at my parents so they could come to OUR house and have sex with him. They knew he had a boyfriend and didn't care! Again, there was lots of belittling of me and hating me, but I just thought he hated me because I snooped on him so I then blamed myself.

This was literally every few weeks I was foiling his attempts to meet up with guys to cheat on me, yet he still kept trying to do it. I just kept telling myself that he was young and would grow out of it...