The OW really does not matter, all the posting about her are true. She doesn't matter.

My ex moved in an entirely new family within two months of me leaving the house we had shared as a family. I was devastated when I found out. I remember thinking who does that? How can he just move in another family, see another woman use up the space that I had just occupied, my side of the closet the drawer drawers. More important how could he sit there and watch another child use our childrens rooms? Who does that!!

I obsessed over her for months before I could finally let it go. I read and re-read everything on OW, all of that information really helped. She matters none!

Well just recently I ran into a mutual friend that told me that the OW had left him, he was now all alone (poor narc boy). Later in the day, as I was reflecting on the news and I started to think back on how news of her had effected me I couldn't help to think what a waste of time it all was. Knowing that she is now gone didn't change one thing for me.

It did not change the pain I have gone through, it did not change the fact that I have had to really look at myself, my failed marriage, my ex husband with new eyes. It didn't change a thing. So why had I let it matter so much?

I can only think that during that time since everything was so new, the divorce, the psycho/NP stuff, I latched onto her and projected (yes that ugly word!) all my anger and hurt to her. It gave me something solid to blame, but it was truly a waste of time. All it did was give me one more thing among the million other things I had to work through. It certainly did not lessen my load!

So to all you newbies, if your ex has an OW, don't focus on her, it is a waste of time and energy. Everything that has anything to do with the NARC is a waste of time. Focus on you, your healing. Learn all you can about narcissism, understand the illness and then focus on your healing.

Joy2me