OneDayAtATime's Story
OneDayAtATime's Story
Phew... here goes I need to speak out loud so that I hear myself in the hope that what I read and type sinks in and somehow helps me in my bid for NC from my N... Im taking life one day at a time at the moment as im still hurt and in love with someone who inspite of telling me he loves me madly and is entertaining a future for us of some form manages to hurt me in such small ways to him but massive to me.. I guess from what I have read im in the process of D&D (for those like me that didint know what it meant its apparently being devalued and discarded) My relationship with this "man" has a 2 year history we live in seperate countries and in spite of agreeing to do our own thing when apart he has somehow managed to keep me holding on and not really interested in anyone else whilst he does his thing! I dont think im ready to acknowledge to anyone else the patheticness of my behaviour including unprotected sex when ever he comes and goes in my life, acceptance of being ignored and then grateful if he calls after a couple of months, telling him my inner most feelings and hurt only to be rejected and ignored for a few weeks because he is busy, knowing and accepting his relationships with other women and accepting his word that I am different from them, no gifts or real attention on days like birthdays, xmas, valentines day.. sigh .. im not a stupid woman I have my own business and am very confident and believe myself to have a high self esteem and dont find getting a date a problem so why oh why am I where I am??? The reason for joining this site and speaking out right now is because we are actually in the same country at the moment (I supplied the ticket months ago!!) for me it was my way of understanding exactly where we are going as there is another woman who finances a lot of his activity and I wanted to know if taking this step would enlighen me on his intentions.. nope about a month ago after a couple of heated emails from me he has gone into silent mode (the most abusive treatment for me as I crave his contact) I have deleted contact on line (the usual messenger services) and have made no attempt to contact him since he arrived a few days ago but knowing he is less than an hour away from me after normally being 4000 miles away is hard.. its a few days into his month long trip and my heart jumps/hurts at every text or call on my phone as it could be him and although I know we have no future left now (I deserve so much more) I desperately need him to show it was not all fake somehow!! Please God dont let him contact me and let this be the end of the dark nights alone wondering why I feel so awful, the rejection of perfectly nice guys who might make me happy, and the enforced isolation of loving someone who doesnt know how to love..... each day I think of him or have any urge to contact him I log straight into this site and read one of your stories and it gives me strength.. hope by writing this someone else might benefit that by knowing you are not weak, mad or inferior you just have a heart big enough to love someone who does not deserve it
omg
not that person
One Day, I cannot tell you
spinning
This is right ODAAT