One thing I love about this board

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#1 Oct 18 - 11AM
wholeagain
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One thing I love about this board

(one of many things)is how incredibly open everyone seems to be to feedback, even when it's blunt and maybe not what we want to hear.

Do we always take the wonderful advice given, well no, we're all somewhere in a difficult process. But still, we listen even when we can't hear everything. And while we have the occasional flare-up, for the most part this is the most non-defensive forum I've ever been part of.

That speaks volumes about how well we can all do when in healthy situations, how willing we are to communicate thoughtfully and truthfully. I think it's tremendously healing to be a part of and to witness, further confirmation that we aren't crazy, that communication doesn't have to be about trying to understand someone's bizarre word salad or finding the meaning under the words. It can be this straightforward and clear.

So here's to all of you for being the wonderful, candid, caring, communicators that you are :)

Oct 19 - 10PM
loveofmylife
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wholeagain

amen.... it is very nice to realize that we were victims of word salad! I, for one, was so tired of burning up tons of time trying to figure out the meaning of things. It is all a game to them.
Oct 19 - 10AM
NancyM
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Wholeagain

So true...for me it restored my faith. Faith , that the world does have wonderful caring people in it. Faith, that I am NOT the odd one out and the whole world is one Narcissistic mess. Faith, that people will still care for others without strings attached. Faith, that it has not all been for nothing. Faith, that I can trust me again. Faith, that I am not the only schmuck in the World that believed there was good in everybody and that some were only poor misunderstood misguided souls. Well maybe they are, but they are welcome to keep it. Faith, that when all is said and done, I am actually a pretty OK kinda person:) Keep the faith.

Nevergoback

Oct 18 - 9PM
kiwi10
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That speaks volumes about

That speaks volumes about how well we can all do when in healthy situations, how willing we are to communicate thoughtfully and truthfully. what an excellent thing to point out!!
Oct 18 - 8PM
faithinthefuture
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wholeagain

you are so right! isn't it awesome to be able to speak our minds and know whatever is said to us is the god's awful truth with no headgames! and if anyone gets offended no ones afraid to say so or ask what the hell did that mean! How refreshing! But no offense to any men on here BUT the majority of us are women. Go figure! :-)
Oct 18 - 2PM
desprathousewife
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wholeagain

No thank YOU for being one of the wonderful, candid, caring communicators :)
Oct 18 - 11AM
helldweller
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Whole again

I was thinking after my counseling session last week that I am totally honest about my other relationships. I have no problem stating how I feel, voicing my opinions, not getting upset about those who differ. And I have no problem setting boundaries for those who are not good for me or who don't have my best interest in mind. When I started thinking about this, it really made my mind open up. I have thought during this time with the narc that I was what he said I was: someone who is opinionated, stubborn, willful, doesn't know how to act, and can't respect other people's privacy or separate lives. I am actually quite the opposite. My brother started hitting me after my dad died and he had to "take over" the household. He ruled with an iron fist, and my mom let him. He and I love each other dearly, but I certainly don't go out of my way to spend time with him, because he still has that "high horse," strict, almost fascist-like demeanor. I don't feel comfortable around him, and he makes me nervous. So I call him once in a while and, when I see him occasionally, hug him and say, "Hi, sweetie. I love you" and go hang out with someone else in the next room. Same thing with my mom. I've been beating myself up lately for not doing more for her, not moving in with her as she wants me to "because she's lonely." She has a lot of people around, a caregiver who helps her every day, my brother and his wife drop in every day, and my daughters and I see her at least once or twice a week. To be honest, I'm not thrilled about how she let my dad treat us as kids, and I'm not thrilled that she let my brother treat me the way he did, and I'm not thrilled that she still favors him after all these years. There has been some guilt on my end; me feeling I should do more for her. But to be honest, I am in a lot of hot watery mess right now because of the home she made for us as kids: because of what she allowed "our" men to do to us. And if I need to do my own laundry right now and just be quiet at home with my kids instead of running back and forth every day after school to her then that is what I'm going to do. Your post just made me remember that the majority of us on this board are very level-head, even-tempered, thoughtful, mature people. That the narcs convince us--and others-- otherwise is one of their greatest crimes, I think.
Oct 18 - 11AM
gettinbetter
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amen sista

Might you be referring to my recent post? I didnt mean to sound defensive. Its just what I think. Hope no one thgt I was rude. It just makes me sad to see people tagging themselves as having "issues" and attributing to this to themselves instead of the narc. For some that maybe true but for others they just got hooked up with a bad guy.
Oct 18 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
wholeagain
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Actually

I haven't read your post yet. Just a general observation, I've been thinking about it for the last week :)
Oct 18 - 6PM (Reply to #3)
blueeyes
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wholeagain

Thanks for the reminder that this is the only place where I am my true self lately. Plus, you all know what is happening before my therapist does. :)
Oct 19 - 12AM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter
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Blueeyes

Oh yes we do. I guess you could say we are in "the know"