This is the ONE email I allowed myself to send to my ex narc for him to read when

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#1 Sep 16 - 11PM

lisalisa47

This is the ONE email I allowed myself to send to my ex narc for him to read when

he gets out of jail. And, i sent it from an anonymous email. What do you think?

The most horrible thing a "parent" can do to an innocent child who trusts him
is to convince him he loves him with words
Then show him by his actions that love is poison, it hurts, and it makes no sense

The most horrible thing that grown child can do to a woman who trusts him
is to convince her he loves her with words
Then show her by his actions that love is poison, it hurts, and it makes no sense

Get the connection? Get help â€“ Break the cycle.

#2 Sep 17 - 9AM

onwithmylife

hi lisalisa

Hi Lisa, i understand about your sending an email to the N.Ihave sent letters to my EXN, more for my feeling of relief and closure than to think he will ever "see the light", I gave up on that one, but that was hard to do too.I am one of those types of personalities who always hopes for the best in people but i realize after this lifechanging experience of over a decade of knowing the man nothing will change.One of my letters sent to him over a year ago, said actions speak louder than words, words are cheap and then i went on to say why is this relationships always about you, what about me and that was the beginning of the end of us. He sent back a letter to me raging wih anger, like a volcano ready to explode,dripping with jealousy because his family likes me better than they like him, it was horrible. I reember saying to him, you should feel proud that you picked a woman that your family liked!!I am going back to therapy to still get over him, the scars are big and deep and i always thought of myself as a strong woman., so do not get mad at yourself for contacting him, the time will come and hopefully for me as well.. when we will no longer want to reach out to these monsters................

#3 Sep 17 - 9AM (Reply to #23)

lisalisa47

Thank you Onwithmylife

As I said and as you seem to understand, this was FOR ME, to say it out loud - even if he never gets it, or doesn't read it (which is another charming "narc" habit - you know, eliciting a reaction and knowing they did so, then REFUSING to hear the other person) And since i sent it from a disposable email, i won't know if he ever got it or not - so be it. I needed to put it out in the universe just becuz, It's funny that you should mention "actions speak louder than words: its a mantra i often repeated to him, which, like you said - was met with RAGE instead of an actual reply,. One of the things that always stops me from hurting too long, during those "days" when something triggers a false memory of false love from him is this: One of the unkindest cuts of all was that he DIDN'T even care enough about me to make SURE i never caught wind of his cheating, (which is already KNEW inside, the little things here and there, plus the stories later just tied it altoigher) AND the ripping off of my parents, of not just credit cards but i have HEARD thousands of dollars to spend on hookers. Just the fact that he relied on his ability to "DENY" to see him through his lies is enought to make me clearly realize that he truly has no soul and tried to rob me of mine. (unfortunately sometimes the Stockholm syndrome still kicks in LOL)

LML

#4 Sep 17 - 2AM

lisalisa47

Thanks for your replies - love you all

And, i agree with both opinions - YES, it will be wasted on him as he will read it and not recognize himself in what was sent (henceforth, the anonymous email from the anonymous sender)but it is not my intention to "hope he changes and comes to his senses" because in my heart, I know he won't and I stopped waiting about 4 months ago anyway. BUT also, it makes ME feel good to say it to him (although under covert operation, and whether he "gets" it or not) just to speak aloud what i could never say in person. I know that he will probably be coming back for a few lifetimes until he works this one out, but if any of my words AT ALL can help him in the future - for the NEXT person he "loves" benefit - than it will have been even MORE worth it. Trust me when i say this - I KNOW I deserve much better and I won't settle for anything less in the future. However, the deep "love" relationship I felt with the "false" person is being replaced - albeit slowly - with compassion with detachment...

LML

#5 Sep 17 - 12AM

michele115 (not verified)

I love it but...

Well, you know. I ain't gonna beat you up on this one, just promise me you won't send anymore. NC Lisa. You are casting your wisdom, introspect and beauty along with your pearls amongst swine. Inviting the wild boar to hover. You are very pretty and from your posts, intelligent, you can and will do better. Use the experience to dig deep and find you and develop your narc radar. Its about day 5 for me of NC, I havent physically seen him since July 21. Such a shocking experience for me, I never thought such humanity existed on the face of this earth; however, the more I learn, and communicate with you guys, the more I am processing. Our stories are too similar to deny, we are dealing with non-humans...swine. Love you and make the decision today that thinking about him and his need for help is beyone your realm of expertise. Warm hugs... Michele

#6 Sep 17 - 2AM (Reply to #20)

lisalisa47

Love you too Michele

This is why i sent it FROM an anonymous email (that is disposable when i am done) so I won't get a reply and he won't know it's me. I know what you say is true about "beyond" my realm of expertise, and that was not my intent - i'm done helping somene who wont' admit anything is wrong. I guess I just feel "led" to send it....Warm hugs back :)

LML

#7 Sep 17 - 12AM

Susan32

Wow...

Beautifully, powerfully written. This is what I would've said to the ex-P professor, worded slightly different, because the D&D was done in terms of "teaching me a lesson" (those were his words)- The WORST thing a "teacher" can do to a student who trusts him is to convince her he cares about her with words then show through his actions that education is poison, it hurts, it makes no sense. Education is NOT disrespecting your students as humans, but valuing their humanity, respecting their choices, recognizing their achievements. Education is NOT sowing discord where there was harmony, spreading sickness where there had been health. Gaslighting is NOT a teaching technique. Such a lesson would be lost on the ex-P, as it would be on your ex-N. Your post is perfect. Sums everything well.

#8 Sep 17 - 2AM (Reply to #18)

lisalisa47

Hi Susan32

Thanks! and i didn't realize that it could "fit" so many narc situations....thanks for the insite!!

LML

#9 Sep 17 - 12AM

kiwi10

it's so true, and it will

it's so true, and it will still be completely lost on him if he a narc. That's what i think, anyway :(

#10 Sep 17 - 2AM (Reply to #16)

lisalisa47

Yes Fireflie you are right BUT

it's not lost on ME - and that's the important thing....:)

LML

#11 Sep 17 - 2AM (Reply to #15)

lisalisa47

Yes Fireflie you are right BUT

it's not lost on ME - and that's the important thing....:)

LML

#12 Sep 17 - 2AM (Reply to #2)

Alive

Very true

Thanks for that :)

#13 Sep 17 - 2AM (Reply to #3)

lisalisa47

Happy Now, you are welcome

Sometimes we just need to say the words that fall upon deaf ears soley for ourselves.

LML

#14 Sep 17 - 10PM (Reply to #4)

blueeyes

deaf ears!

Yes, they do not listen! I used to send real long meaningful texts! Then he would say ok. Wtf? Like I posted this afternoon I HATE THAT MAN! He fucked up my therapy today by showing up. I ripped him to the therapist! He felt 2 ft tall and shitty. Good! He thought he was going to surprise me and I would think he is reaching out to save our marriage? NO he wanted attention cuz I give none! I called him out on everything he is and he sat there crying. I ripped so hard and good then I stood up and said, he needs you more than I do doc, you got a good five years of work to do if he wants the help which he doesn't. The doc said "wait? Do you love him?" I said "not one bit, I pity him and the people that enter his life." I love my kids and myself.

#15 Sep 18 - 1AM (Reply to #14)

Alive

deaf ears

Good for you blueeyes!.

#16 Sep 18 - 1AM (Reply to #12)

michele115 (not verified)

And I'm Sorry to Say this Blueeys...

I bet the friggin therapist will label you as having the personality disorder....WE CAN'T FUCKING WIN!...lol. Keep your chin up, I like what you did in there. Stay strong. You will survive. You Rock!

#17 Sep 18 - 11AM (Reply to #13)

blueeyes

Michele115 and Lisa Lisa......

Hey girls! I'm happy to see you lol! I will get there soon. I'm too pissed off at my marriage at the moment to laugh but your funny. I used to be hilarious! Once the toxic man is gone I will laugh again. Lisa u know me as timmyboy and all the arrests like ur Narc. Well, he didn't go to jail so I wait. I hate him and I live with him. I want to tell Michele115 that the therapist called me today. He actually didn't label me. He is good. He told me that when I left H cried and doc said "I don't blame her, she is doing what she has to do, you screwed up with a great strong woman and u lost her". The doc said he will cont to treat me and not the Narc. He said the Narc won't gain but I will. Who knows tho, he could be setting me up to LABEL me as the wack job? I don't trust anything except you all. Trust, then verify~

#18 Sep 17 - 11PM (Reply to #5)

lisalisa47

Good for you, Blue EYES

I think we tend to end up banging our heads against the wall when we think they WON'T listen - it's that what we say is FOREIGN to them. This is not a justification or a reason to ENABLE them or go back to them at all, in fact, it's a "13th step" if you will...God grant me the serenity to realize he does not understand my language or how love works in my culture... That FREES us up to keep banging our heads by wondering why. So, WHY did i write that email and send it anonymously with no return address? Because there is a part of me that YEARNS for him to REALIZE at some level that he is FUCKED UP - he doesn't even have to admit it - which he wouldn't anyway - unless it was a bid for attention, like yours. here is the every changing theme of his message: I love you, i want to marry you, you are all i have (this epiphany came when he suddenly realized that he didn't Talk his Way out of being arrested after all) Then "if i find out you have left me, I will KILL myself" (well, he's still aparently alive because i keep getting letters i don't read THEN a letter to his first wife (which she emailed me about LOL) I have lost EVERYTHING! AND.....(drum roll, maestro....) the CANCER has returned. DAN DUN DAAAAAAA.......(cliff hanger music) THIS IS WHEN I STARTED LAUGHING NON STOP. Dont' get me wrong, i have days i sit and try to figure out why he just doesn't get it, but his "shenanigans" point to an arrested development character withoout the sitcom salary.... THEY ARE MADDENING AREN"T they.... LML

LML

#19 Sep 18 - 1AM (Reply to #6)

michele115 (not verified)

OMG...

Lisa, you crack me up! it's a "13th step" if you will...God grant me the serenity to realize he does not understand my language or how love works in my culture... This board here is getting WAY better than FB!...I was actually sitting in her Laughing out Loud!.... We do have to exhange info. Let me know, I'll contact Betty Also.

#20 Sep 18 - 1AM (Reply to #7)

lisalisa47

I KNOW Beauty, Brains, a job at TACO BELL, AND A

sense of humor and it STILL didn't cure him. LOL Just kidding, i don't really work at taco bell - (it's burger king) hahhaheee Yes, tell me what to do to provide contact info - i would say "check the men's room stall for my info" but my narc replaced it with his...(I'm ROLLIN' tonight)...) LML

LML

#21 Sep 18 - 1AM (Reply to #8)

michele115 (not verified)

Keep it Rolling

It feels good to laugh! I'll shoot an email to betty and you do the same.

#22 Sep 18 - 2AM (Reply to #9)

lisalisa47

ON it now sweetie!

Laughter is our greatest defense against them...(i don't think he will be the belle of many prison "dating" sites becuz orange just ain't his color LML

LML

#23 Sep 18 - 2AM (Reply to #10)

michele115 (not verified)

LOL!

I sent betty the request. Looking forward to chatting it up soon.

#24 Sep 18 - 9AM (Reply to #11)

lisalisa47

Can't wait, if you don't hear from me right away know that i jus

started a new job at a day spa ( i am a CMT too) LML

LML

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