OMG .. THEY REALLY DO RECYCLE WOMEN !

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#1 May 12 - 10AM

candy

OMG .. THEY REALLY DO RECYCLE WOMEN !

I know i shouldnt still be spying on him,but i am and guess what!! .. he is e mailing 2 of his ex's, has been for a few weeks, but wasnt having much luck, but i have been watching and waiting and they have both, started replying to him everyday now, oh my god wait till they find out about each other,he has already done this to both of them before .... well im gonna sit back and get some popcorn and watch it all fuck up ... i have to say this though ... WHAT A CHEEKY BASTARD !! im glad im out of it all............... CANDY XX

#2 May 12 - 8PM

Deidre40

wacaet

wow, wacaet!!! 22 yrs ago? I am finding this thread fascinating. I am fascinated that they would 'recycle,' or go back to old flames...from so long ago. Why do they do this, do you suppose?

#3 May 12 - 8PM (Reply to #39)

wacaet

Facebook made it really,

Facebook made it really, really easy for him, and I think My Space before that. He did this with woman after woman after woman. I saw it all in his inbox. Sickening...that's in addition to all the women on a.f.f. he was leading on. There was one old girlfriend, a friend of the OW I emailed, that killed herself last October, jumped off a bridge, left a husband and 2 little girls behind. When OW told N about it, he FREAKED out. OW asked me if there were any emails from her in his inbox but he had over 18,000 emails in his inbox, years and years worth and I couldn't remember the woman's name (he told me about her when he found out in February that she had died because he was so upset (of course he didn't tell me how he found out) that she was "important to him, but married so nothing ever happened") of course, I'm married, too and so was the OW I emailed so now both she & I feel that he was somehow involved with this other woman, too. If I had thought of her name, if I had found any emails, I swear I'd go to the police. We will never know the truth but we both know in our hearts that he was playing this other woman, too.

#4 May 12 - 8PM (Reply to #40)

Deidre40

wacaet

omg, what a horrifying story! wacaet...why do you think she took her own life, if you had to guess? Because of him??? omg. :=( The thought of this whole story makes me so sad.

#5 May 12 - 8PM (Reply to #41)

wacaet

well, I did google and found

well, I did google and found a blog she had from a year before her death, she'd been to AA for 94 days and decided to drink again, that AA was bullshit. So, obviously she had problems, vulnerability being N's favorite thing to prey on, I could totally see him swooping down on her. It was her friend who suggested this to me, she said she got a feeling in her gut when she told N and he was over the top upset. I can't say to what level he was involved but I'd be willing to bet he was. He was a musician in his teen's & 20's...very sexy and quirky and appealing. I'm sure he had lots of girls and women...must have been hard to give that up and become a software engineer after getting fired from a band for drinking & partying too much and missing practice (and suing the band, ultimate sell out). I can imagine how his N tendencies would have gotten worse when he wasn't getting the attention he was used to, and here's the internet with access to all those old girlfriends that he'd D&D'd back then, he could send out all those "how's my hair" emails, find out who was vulnerable and swoop in on them... In my case, I saw him on a friend's page (a friend who later warned me about him) and messaged him "I've thought of you so often over the years it's embarrassing" which was true and manna to his N heart...what a fool I was. It took a year from that original message before it was my "turn"

#6 May 12 - 8PM

It'sAllAboutMeNow (not verified)

They sure do...

They sure do recycyle. You see, my exN told me he had a friend and I decided to investigate this friend's name on facebook and well.. it was his ex. She and I started talking and that's how I found out he was cheating. This is ex of 2 exes ago and 7 years before. I would have killed to have access to his facebook account and email but he was too private.

#7 May 12 - 7PM

Deidre40

In thinking about this

In thinking about this thread...lol I remember him telling a story last year to ''everyone'' on that website...he used to talk non stop about his dating life. This was way before he and I were dating, but we knew each other, and he had asked me out a few times by this point. He told a story, of sleeping with one of his ex wives ...that she was his weak point. He told me the FULL story when we dated. I remember thinking...this ex wife ''supposedly'' raked him over the coals, emotionally, and financially...and he is willing to bed her again? lol I look back at that and say...someone was lying. Most likely him. SHE had a restraining order on HIM. Hello? So did wife 3. I wonder if he has called any 'old supply' up since we broke up. He's a man whore, though...so, knowing him...he's effing everything that moves. I'm glad he wore condoms. Yikes. What on earth was I thinking, lowering my standards and sleeping with this man? Ugh. Anywho...interesting thread...I wonder why they keep returning to 'old supply' though...I mean, is it because it's easier than laying out new lines on someone new? lol Maybe that's it?

#8 May 12 - 7PM

Gravity

yess they do..

#9 May 12 - 7PM

Deidre40

Hi waceat...no worries...I

Hi waceat...no worries...I understand what you meant. :=)

#10 May 12 - 4PM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Yes they do!

The current GF I was D&D'd for is a recycled GF from over 25 years ago. She may be his next long-term supply and his next wife if he plays her just right and doesn't get sick of the game before his divorce goes through and she catches on to him. Before going NC when he was telling me about her, I could already see him getting disillusioned and starting to repeat his same patterns, and this was just two weeks into the relationship! I believe that deep down he really wants it to work with her, as he probably did with every one of us, but it never will because he will ultimately screw it up. He will sabotage it and he doesn't even realize how or why he does it. He did say to me once, nothing good lasts... not with me at least.

#11 May 12 - 7PM (Reply to #28)

Deidre40

smitten kitten

25 years ago??? omg!! that's crazy! It's sad...you say something here I believe to be true, too. I believe...in my heart of hearts. They want very much to have a 'normal and healthy' loving relationship. He said this to me time and time again. Dee...I feel safe with you. I want to have a long lasting relationship. I can't seem to ever find it. What they fail to realize is, love isn't something you 'find.' It's something you DO.

#12 May 12 - 8PM (Reply to #29)

wacaet

I was recycled, from 22 years

I was recycled, from 22 years ago I dated my N very briefly a couple different times (he cheated on me the first time, with my friend...hello red flag) He was the last guy I dated before I married my first husband..he was my what if....now I know what if, and I'm glad that it only took me 3 months of hell to get away from him, forever

#13 May 12 - 8PM (Reply to #30)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Did your relationship only

Did your relationship only last 3 months, or was it just 3 months of Hell and D&D? I'm curious because I've been wondering how long my ExN's recycled relationship will last. Will she get D&D'd faster than if she were brand new supply? Because isn't that the pattern with these guys? They suck you back in only to D&D your harder and faster each time. Or will he try harder and longer with her because he told me he thinks she's his "forever girl" and will probably marry her (he also posted things to that effect on FB). I believe he may, because he can't stand to be alone and does not like the bachelor life. He needs to have a wife and family life for his image. I just see all sorts of ways this thing could play out. Like the fact that he sees her during all of his spare time, will he get bored and tired of her sooner? Will he get exhausted faster keeping up the mask ALL the time with her and her large social circle and family? I know I'm supposed to be focusing on myself and not thinking about what he's doing, but I'm curious, because of all the things I've read, I can just imagine the different possibilities.

#14 May 12 - 9PM (Reply to #31)

wacaet

I can't say what he'll

I can't say what he'll do...mine is married (or was, I'm not sure what really happened, if his wife got my email and left him like his threatening text said or if that was just another lie to try and get me to respond) Mine only lasted 3 months because he gave himself away, I think he wanted me to find out the truth. He knew my proclivity for being a detective on the internet and he gave me his password...drunk or not, I think he wanted me to find out the truth. The OW had been going through it with him for 6 months. The email from her I found could have been written by me "I know you don't really love me but I need to hear you say it" The OW insists she wasn't really an OW in the same sense that I was, apparently he paid more attention to me than her, told me different lies (she knew he was still with the wife, I didn't) and he apologized to her for leading me on and not treating me the way I deserved to be treated but didn't apologize to her for hurting her. All he did was threaten me and after my husband called him, he apologized via text to my husband but never to me. Not that his apologies would be anything but more lies. He used to ask me all the time how my husband was doing with the fact that I left him. Once he said "If I had you and you left me, I'd curl up in a ball and die"....I'm just guessing that's not what happened lol

#15 May 12 - 9PM (Reply to #32)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Hmmm..... interesting. You

Hmmm..... interesting. You say you were recycled after 22 years and the mask was off in less than 3 months, which would sort of fit the notion that they D&D you sooner if you've been D&D'd before. Our relationship (I'm also married and long distance) lasted a little over a year and the mask didn't really start to come off for 6 months. He was still winning me over then, but once he did, he started to pull away and the roller coaster began. Being long distance was kind of a double-edged sword. I wasn't around all the time for him to get bored with me right away, but I wasn't around all the time for him to extract maximum supply whenever he wanted/needed it. We talked on the phone for HOURS daily though, and communicated through texts, emails, and FB.

#16 May 12 - 9PM (Reply to #33)

wacaet

he actually started D&Ding me

he actually started D&Ding me immediately after our first meeting I even emailed him "congratulations, you're the first man to break my heart twice" and yet, I let him suck me right back in every time I tried to break things off he'd pull me back in I once texted him a list of reasons I should break up with him and he called me from the clean room he was working in, where he's not even supposed to have a phone to make sure I wasn't going to do it it was all so damn confusing

#17 May 12 - 5PM (Reply to #27)

mystwoman

It's the same here, Smitten

It's the same here, Smitten Kitten. OW, that xnh cheated on me with, is an old girlfriend from about 25 years ago. He, also, cheated on his first ex-wife with this same OW. Ironically, he initially broke up with this OW because SHE cheated on him. I hope she cheats on him again. Turn around is fair play, IMO. Xnh deserves it. lol. Xnh has consistently kept contact with the OW, and he's been in contact with his ex-wife, as well, for almost 17 years now. The excuse is because they have children together, but in reality, I think it's all about keeping the ex-wife "on the string" just in case xnh should run short on NS. He cheated on his ex-wife to be with me. I had her thrown into my face the entire 16 years I was with xnh. She somehow went from being the Anti-Christ, that xnh dumped, to the woman who was his one true "friend" (unlike me whom xnh was heavily into devaluing and discarding). Barf. Now that we're divorced, and xnh is back to diddling the OW (his old girlfriend), xnh had decided that he would like to be "friends" with me after he cheated on me, and D&D'd. I hate his guts and am completely NC, so xnh can just forget about any future NS coming from me. His former girlfriend, and xnh's first wife can continue to play in xnh's little NS games for the rest of their lives, if they so choose. However, I'm NOT participating ever again. You are absolutely correct narcs sabotage all of their relationships, and nothing lasts.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#18 May 12 - 3PM

strongerthanever

Oh they do! My exN contacted

Oh they do! My exN contacted an old college friend 8 yrs later from the last time he talked to her. I was still with him at the time and he was planning to move, without my knowledge, and she lives along the route. He was checking in to see how her marriage was going, where she was in life. A few months later, he contacted another ex he hasn't talked to in nearly 4 yrs. She's a good source of supply. 3 months after the last D&D, he contacted the girl he lied about for the first yr together and it was 2 yrs since their last communication. Oh, they do recycle and go down their list of possible supply. I found that he kept the girl I was "competing" with when we dated. He told me she gave awesome blowjobs but, he chose me over her. I'm the winner! NOT! He kept her email though...just in case. sick bastards.

#19 May 12 - 4PM (Reply to #16)

Caligirl

Strongerthanever

He said she gave awesome blowjobs!!? OMG, what did you do? The reason I ask is that my exN bragged about a blowjob he'd gotten with details, saying she was good, then started talking about blowjobs he had gotten in the past. This was during the D&D. Then he said "You didn't do it" (meaning how she had done it). I was very hurt.

#20 May 12 - 7PM (Reply to #24)

findingmeagain

Mines said I wasn't "all that

Mines said I wasn't "all that good" in bed a week before he hoovered for somemore. So I guess I called him bluff in that sense anyways. I don't believe shit these men say you probably was damn good but he doesn't want you to think he ever was smitten. Damn narc need to piss off.

#21 May 12 - 8PM (Reply to #25)

Caligirl

findingmeagain

Thank you, that helped!

#22 May 12 - 5PM (Reply to #17)

strongerthanever

I was very hurt too. The

I was very hurt too. The thing is, when he told me that, I just started dating again after 7 yrs in celibacy and getting out there in the world. After my divorce, I was taking care of my dying father, caring for my 2 kids, building my company too, and working 2 other jobs then soon following, caring for my sick mother after my father passed. So, he was manipulating me to try really hard and it was part of that triangulation. I let it affect my self-esteem. I think I said, "well, i guess if you want just a girl to do that for you, then call her up." Then when he reassured me I was so special because he picked me, I changed my tune. But, it ALWAYS bothered me and it changed me in the relationship. 2 yrs later he tells me that the most enjoyable breasts he had was with a girl who had none. I'm not huge but, I got a rack that's fits me just right. again, it changed me in the relationship. I felt inadequate, not good enough, i withdrew, not happy, and became depressed. We were on a walk and I almost turned around and walked to the car and drove away. Then I quickly fast forwarded to what would happen next. Him moving out. Fear, anxiety came in and I just kept walking with my head down with pain in my gut.

#23 May 12 - 7PM (Reply to #23)

wacaet

mine told me he had zero

mine told me he had zero interest in breasts and made me feel like mine were bad or ugly I never felt that way about them before assholes, they are horrible evil assholes

#24 May 12 - 7PM (Reply to #22)

findingmeagain

He's a damn liar you probably

He's a damn liar you probably was good to him but a narc will never admit this.

#25 May 12 - 5PM (Reply to #18)

Caligirl

Strongerthanever, that's horrible!

These narcs suck! I broke down and cried so hard, and I only cried in front of him maybe 3 times. I hated to be vulnerable that way with him. I felt like I had been socked in the stomach. He said that about another woman's breast!?! That is weird, and makes no sense. These narcs say the weirdest things. In the D&D, and just randomly, my exN said he was not a tittie man. I mean WTH? What does that mean I wondered. I knew he liked my butt. I have normal and nice boobs (34B's),but it was just out of the blue. By that point, I didn't even respond. I was repulsed and shocked. He was acting mad. But what he said about the blowjob, just made me sob uncontrollably. The next day, I saw him briefly before we were to split for good. He knew I had started my period the day he said that, and I told him the only reason I cried was because I was on my period. Lol, now. I just could not let him think he broke me and won. Hugs!

#26 May 12 - 5PM (Reply to #19)

strongerthanever

I'm sorry you had to go

I'm sorry you had to go through that too. These guys do suck. And that is what I am working on in my EMDR therapy. Once I get my numbers down to a zero, at a 2 right now, then the positive statements are wired in. The sad thing about the Narc, he had a small penis, small hands, feet (my son, 13 yrs old, has a size 10 shoe, N had a 8.5), and small nose. I've had bigger but I would never say anything like that to someone. He asked me one time and all I said was that it was perfect for me and it was. I had no problem with it yet, I wouldn't be that cruel to intentially destroy someones self esteem. I really think these guys know what they are doing and my exN was well educated and knew about pscyhology. I think he took some classes in college just to understand how to control someone's mind. I hope you are so thankful, like me, that we dont have to listen to this crap anymore. I cried so much in this relationship. More than my 4 yr marriage to an abusive crack addict.

#27 May 12 - 7PM (Reply to #20)

Caligirl

Strongerthanever and everyone - Are male N's obsessed with size

Strongerthanever, I'm glad your therapy is going well. That's awesome! Sorry you had to go through this too. You know I wouldn't be surprised to find my exN had studied mind-control or read some psych books too (his mother studied psych). He blatantly would use gaslighting on me, but I was catching onto him by then. My exN had a big penis, big hands too. Anyway, we were on the phone and he kept pressuring me to comment that he had a "big d--k". I told him it was perfect for me too and satisfied me. He was constantly bragging about it almost from the moment we were together. He'd tell jokes in front of his boys about how he was well "hung". I didn't want to say it and feed into it. Plus, one of my boyfriends was bigger, and he never bragged about it, and in fact he said it was too big and he hated it at times. I knew that for most women, width is better and average length is fine. Like the expression says it's not the size that counts, but how you use it. I would compliment how good he felt and, once during sex, I think I said it was big. However, he just specifically wanted me to say it. I felt like saying, why do the other women you've been with say this? Anyway, I just couldn't...maybe part of it was that he was never emotionally there for me. Yet, it also seemed ridiculous. I'd never been with a man who wanted me to comment on his size. They were all very secure and confident I suppose. Yes, I am so glad I don't have to deal with my exN anymore and the craziness! Just curious, does anyone have any thoughts about why this is? Are narcs obsessed with penis size?

#28 May 12 - 7PM (Reply to #21)

Gravity

YUP!

My narc was disgustingly huge and he would always try and get me to comment on it by fishing for compliments like saying "oh it's not THAT big.."

#29 May 12 - 3PM

ifinallygotit

I could never do this

Nosey as I am it would kill me to see him writing to and romancing other women. I was never aware of his cheating - even though I am sure now he was. He kept it far away from me and it was easy because we did not live together. Mine does not recycle - he uses - destroys - and tosses - never speaks to exes and is proud of it - almost arrogant about it..

#30 May 12 - 7PM (Reply to #14)

Susan32

Driving people away

The ex-Psych prof would brag about "driving people away" and "kicking them to the curb." He was so paranoid that he thought everybody was out to get him. By my junior year, his colleagues had shunned him. They would solely interact with him for business, as colleagues... but friendship was out of the question. My senior thesis advisor called him "different" during the final D&D... and to this day, I think he was trying to avoid saying something profane&nasty. The on-campus therapist, another professor, called him a sick&angry man. His students avoided him for the most part... as did his colleague.

#31 May 12 - 3PM

findingmeagain

I would tell them make

I would tell them make another fake email address and tell them. oh yes they will recycle you as long as you let them. this OW mines is dealing with I think she will be good NS supply for awhile. I think they may even get married if she gets that divorce I will hate that but its life I guess. She is so scared he is going to keep running back to me. I often wonder will he actually do it...

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