OMG! Emergency wake up call! NARC is blaming me for his stomach bug…PAH!!!

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#1 Aug 11 - 9AM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

OMG! Emergency wake up call! NARC is blaming me for his stomach bug…PAH!!!

My narc husband, bought himself a 2 grand bike, bought all the cycling kit, got involved in a 1000 mile bike ride and then failed because his swishy bike broke. He had to come home, after 4 days. He was gutted. I felt bad for him because he never even completed half the ride. On the night he retuned, I helped him by feeding him and putting him up. I sat and listened to the tales of the time away. I listened to the fun he had and his disappointment. I heard about how he was going to get back in the ride and get his biked fixed. Regrettably he couldn’t because he couldn’t afford the part. The bike was so expensive; it’s not surprising that the part was too.
I started to miss him; I started to feel for him. I started to look at him and think he was very beautiful and started to hope that we could work it out, I felt that I still loved him dearly.

Then he stayed over last night because he now can’t get to his house every easily without his bike. Also an issue of contention, that he moved into the country side without a car, to a place that it takes an hour or more without a car to get to on foot/bus.

But I had a wake up call last night.

He came over. I wanted to see him. I thought it would be nice to catch up. We chatted for while. I sat and diligently listened to him as I always do. As he talks about himself and about his ideas. He was asking me as usual, ‘had I followed the link he sent me about some conspiracy theory thing’. I just nodded. Smiled sweetly. I thought, this is okay. Sam vankins wife is happy to stay with her narc husband. She accepts him as what he is. I thought maybe I could do that. (Dumb I know) After all he is the father of my child. I thought it would be right to try and work this stuff out for our son’s sake.

Though he did manage to upset our son to the point of anger yesterday by being too strict with him..

but that was not what woke me up…

Later in the night, (he was sleeping in my son’s room as my son sleeps with me) he woke up with violent stomach upset. I asked him if I could help. My son has recently had a mild illness after he came back from his fathers. I suggested it was the same bug. At that he said ‘its probably your house’… he said ‘its probably your kitchen’
I was so pretty p**sed off. I said ‘OMG are you serious. I cleaned my bathroom and my kitchen that very day. It was spotless, but he had me. ‘I noticed you haven’t cleaned your fridge’ (WTF, so get the F**K out of my fridge, and don’t eat my food) (sorry for all the swearing, I am pretty mad at him) I had not cleaned my fridge, it was true. It was a bit shabby but not a stomach bug shabby.. and WTF. He gets ill and it’s my fault. REALLY???

Frigging typical isn’t it!!! I said, ‘I doubt you got ill here’ I mean WTF he only ate a hour or two before. He had been scoffing chips before that from a chip shop. He is a obsessive mad health freak and never eat chips so why was he not blaming it on that!!!!??? No he was still convinced this morning that he and my son were made ill by my unclean fridge. OK. I admit I didn’t clean it my whole two weeks I have had off work which is bit lax… but it’s not terrible. I don’t eat meat so the bacteria could never be that bad… not that you get ill like that, not that quickly anyway… But he is a insane super obsessed clean freak that ‘cuts corners’ himself. So he can you tell how to live but when he neglects to do chores in the house, well, woe betide you if you point it out.. I hated living with him. He was a total hypocrite like that…. BUT he had that on me…he knew I had not done it and it was a perfect way to frame me for the predicament he was in.. Wa**er!!!! To make into the slob he thinks I am!!!!

He was intent on me being the cause of ill health. I mean he hasn’t been at my house for days if not weeks to eat. My son got back from his house after the weekend, just a few days ago with a stomach bug and a cold…. I mean who does it point to if you’re looking for someone to blame???? But kids get ill so I would never do that!!! I didn’t event think to blame him for my son’s bout of illness. But he is so quick to cast blame out side himself.

SO he eats at my house for the first time in ages last night. I mean I tried to explain that bad food does not make you ill an hour or two afterwards but he still thinks it’s my fridge…WTF!!! He needs to go on a food hygiene course to learn about food poisoning transmission times. It does not o happen in a hour… AND… I ate the same pasta myself an hour before, from the very same bag… I wasn’t ill and I have a very sensitive stomach..

Why the hell is he eating my food anyway.. if it diod make him ill, well that will teach him eh???

I had bought myself some fresh cheese filled pasta which was in the fridge for a few meals. He hates and absolutely detests cheese and won’t eat it. Then last night he comes to my house eating fried food, ‘chips’, and then after I go to take my son to bed, he eats my pasta. I come down stairs to have some time chatting with him and he says, half way through cooking it, is it alright of me to eat this. I say ‘yea but it has cheese in’ and he says ‘ I know but I am hungry…’
I know this sounds bloody petty but it actually saved my life…
His hypocritical nature. His bone headed logic..
Maybe eating fried food and cheese would have been enough to make him ill, no not to him, he has to blame me…???

I was there, thinking how we could work it out.
I was thinking how much I still loved him and how I could accept him…
I was reading about the cases on here of ‘the new woman’.. I was thinking I was glad that he didn’t have a another woman yet and maybe he didn’t because he still really loves me..PAH!!! What a fool I am!

IT WAS A ‘GREAT BIG AMAZING GIFT FROM GOD’ WAKE UP CALL…

His sh**ing himself in the middle of the night.

The irony of it all is this.
Back a few years ago, when I was breastfeeding and exhausted with a new baby. I got stomach bugs a few times regularly. I had some bad cases where I couldn’t even walk upright because I was in so much pain. He despised me when I was ill. He saw it as ‘weakness’ and it made him even crueler. He was truly horrible at that point… it was combination of PTSD and the abuse that made me so ill. He never offered any help or support and when I was really ill, he wouldn’t even bring me a cup of tea or food and when he did, he would make me wait for ages for it. It was true misery.

He was in the same room last night as I used sleep in with my son. I heard him moving from the bedroom to the bathroom, as I did too… I empathically could feel it…I had been there alone in the night in misery. I was sleeping the main bedroom where he used to be in those old days. It was very odd feeling to think that I used to suffer like that a lot in the dead of the night and he didn’t even care.

So I offered tea and water and gave him some homeopathy.

He is really run down and depressed at the moment because he didn’t finish his bike ride. The failure of it is killing him. He told me how he what people thought affected him. It’s killing him, that people think he has failed more than his own determination to do it being affected as a personal goal....

Narcs build there image from the outside so that stuff really matters.

He has a cold sore and an ulcerated mouth and now this stomach thing…
AND THE F**KER SHIFTED THE BLAME ON TO ME AGAIN…
AGAIN, I am blamed for his crappy life situations.
I just was OMG, did I really think I could be with you again?
Did I really think I missed you?
DID I REALLY FORGET THE TORMENT and UTTER DISPAIR of those terrible days???
Apparently I did!

Well thank God that he got the sh*ts last nite. His response to my support was so negative and typical of him.

I saved myself from falling back down under his control by pandering too him…
I had to share this. Its sounds petty… but ‘petty’ was about the size of the stuff he used to use to patronise me and keep me humiliated. Always complaining about my house wifery-skill and picking holes in what I had done in the home.
And still doing it…
I am so crazy that I actually started thinking he was half way human and that there was some possible way we could be together. I musty have been temporally round the bend.

I had this one thought, that maybe what goes around comes around!
I am feeling great at the moment. I have been training loads of kung fu.
The distance between narc husband and me has meant that I have been living.
I perhaps forgot for a while just how nasty and ruthless he is… because of the distance, but the distance and limited contact is what has been giving me back my energy.
He sucked out the life force out of every cell in my body and soul.
I have been finding that with time for myself I can heal me.
I just shudder to think if he had not been ill and I had kissed him or something…
I hoep this all reminds you. they migthbe appear all nioce and lovely sometime ans it makes you want them but the otehr evil side will show up sooner or later, usally sooner rather than later too... xxx
God bless you all.
Keep on keeping on..
x

Aug 12 - 7AM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

Thanks all for reading and

Thanks all for reading and sharing. I am really grateful.. I was angry yesterday. I need to share so bad.. I was firing at the hip yes. I nearly feel bad for him more today that I am here filling out his story here, but to be fare.... It made me feel so much better and you are all are so great. It really helped me to frame this so much better.. I hate that freakign bike. I hate all racing bikes now. I cant stand to think that with the money he could have to bought more than a half decent car... that would have been much more useful in the scheme of things. tho, it's his money or debt... Its his choice right? (as long as the bailifss doent come take my stuff one day cos of his debt) WHAT GETS ME MOST!!!! IS that the bike is this light weight ooober expensive plastic stuff that is so lightweight you cannot fit a child seat on it. SO.... he moves himself away to the country side, which is miles and miles away from town... Which makes no sense for someone who is coparenting and doesn't have a car.... AND YOU CANT FIT A F**KING CHILD SEAT TO IT... so when he comes to get our son, after they get off bus, he has to carry him for 45 mins, on his back, in the baby carrier, down the counrty roads (as its too dangerous for the buggy). I mean I am not saying a bike is any better but what about in the winter when its raining and cold. atleast a bike WITH a child seat would mean he could get there and back more easily and quicker with his son!!!!! I mean he could ride him straight to shcool from his and it would be so much easier.. I mean really, he must like making his own life hard. I feel sorry for outrboy who will have to endure rainy cold walks to his dads house in the winter time.. He will probably say he cant have him on stormy nights and I will have to cancel plans or let him baby sit at my house... I think thats why he did it, so he can have an excuse to be at mine still. Its just so mega self orietated and all becasue he wanted to look like the big shot on his swishy bike... and he couldnt even manage not to fuck that up... It suks... I just dont get it.. but at least I can see it for what it is.. Thanks again all. I felt so much better to read your comments. x
Aug 11 - 4PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

what a load of bollocks

Vix it takes at least 4 hour for any food bug to have an efect on the body , and if it was a virus from youre son it takes a lot longer to have an efect . He found youre buttons to push long ago and he is just pushing them to gain supply . Youre house is not dirty , you are not dirty ... HE IS DIRTY , a sick, perverted , ill NARC!! . He is a knob .To spend £2000 on a bike , so he can go and prove his manlyness by compleating a stupid race is also a knob end thing to do . And to get all winngy that his poor little bike broke and he cant prove himself to be wonderful by winning the race or at least improving HIS time (wanker) .. oh my oh my Turn him on his head , turn how you view him on its head ... spoilt baby is what he is .. end of .. Scoop x
Aug 11 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Sam Vaknin's wife

LOL. That is not a "happy" woman. She is a chain-smoking ghost :( with no self that matters to her at all. She is the person all of us on this board are trying hard not to be, that most of us are here because we can't tolerate being even a little bit like her and rebel. Funny how the cascade of denial follows thoughts like this. Like Better Off said, how there was something appealing about his "vulnerability", how he "needed" some TLC (read: you to wait on him hand and foot, listen attentively at his feet while he holds court). It's so classic. You opened up like a flower to him, and then he took a shit (blaming his illness on you) right on your open heart. What a slice of life this little episode is. From all sorts of angles LOL. He comes to you and shits himself all night. Now THAT is appealing (NOT). He spends a couple of hours with his son and drives the kid away already. You listen attentively, think Sam Vaknin's wife might have some valid point in staying with Sam, and then he turns around and shits all over you, and your house. Any way you slice it, it's just shit. What in you makes you willing to toss aside WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW ABOUT HIM so you can entertain thoughts of being like Sam Vaknin's wife??? What vulnerability do you have that causes you to abandon yourself like this?
Aug 11 - 12PM
better off
better off's picture

a) How telling that he was

a) How telling that he was upset about the bike race because of what other people would think and how someone would think he was a failure, blah blah blah blah blah blah Seriously... nobody gives a shit about you, narc!! Nobody CARES about you and your goal and your bike and your failure OR your success. Everyone else is busy thinking about... themselves! LOL I have to remind my husband of that frequently. Nobody is thinking about you, PERIOD. b) I think it's interesting that you felt enamored of him while you were feeling sorry for him. That you felt he seemed so "beautiful" while he was relaying his "struggles" to you (and really, Vix, in the broad light of day, his "struggle" was that the big baby's fancy bike that he can't afford broke down. wah wah. You think Lance Armstrong cries all day when something like that happens? Only a narc can turn that into a life-altering saga.) So why do you suppose that is? Was it the "sharing" of his problems that made you feel good, being the dutiful listener, that he chose you for his audience? Or was it his made-up "struggle" that somehow appeals to you? Or was it living vicariously, that he was out doing something interesting or pursuing something, and by extension it made you feel like you were part of that too? All in all, even this part that you felt was good, was so incredibly one-sided. I think, in my case, I did live vicariously through my narc... he had done a lot of interesting things and been all over the world... and he was falsely promising to bring me into that world. And in his false encouragement of my talents and dreams... I felt like I could follow them with him. Later when he abandoned me, I had to figure out if I really wanted those things and do it myself!! But a lot of what I was attracted to in him were things I wanted for myself. Does that make any sense? What do you want for yourself, as some of the wise ladies ask on here? Do you really want just to be a dutiful listener and sidekick and lieutenant? Or do you want something for yourself in your life?
Aug 11 - 10AM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

I'm so glad you got your

I'm so glad you got your wake up call quickly. He deserves the shits!!! He was having a bad day and needed to blame you for something. Of course, he probably got sick because his system isn't used to eating the foods he hasn't had in a while. Duh! It had absolutely nothing to do with the cleanliness of the fridge. It's amazing how they can throw these things in our face. I know I have to have my house spotless when my N comes over or he will say it's a pigpen. Well, when I go to his house, his house is never ever dusted and he has clutter everywhere on the counters of his kitchen and family room. But I guess that's okay for him. I'm glad you see him for what he truly is!!!
Aug 11 - 10AM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Because a "chip" wont give

Because a "chip" wont give him the Narc fix he needs to survive..He needs you for that Vix. I am so happy this man is out of your house. And letting go of them is a process. It is happening even though you dont see it. Over time as the pieces fall together and the rose colored glasses come off, we change our perceptions. Truth and Knowledge is so powerful. This is the perfect example of why we distance ourselves to the Narcissist. You are in a good place today.....moving forward. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 11 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
MovinOnUp
MovinOnUp's picture

Vix

I'm so glad you had the chance to get a little more clarity as to just why this jackass needs to be left behind. I remember when I first hit here and read that how these people treat you when you're sick is pretty tell tale. Luckily, I'm pretty healthy. But I almost starved to death when I was laid up after an operation. I'm sorry he treated you so poorly when you needed him. Maybe he took something to enhance his performance that made him sick. I know a lot of atheletes that are very health conscious and watch everything they eat but they don't bat an eye at trying some new performance enhancement drug/herb or whatever. Anyway, I'm happy you had this near miss.