Old friend, same story

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#1 Jan 13 - 1PM
BlairoRoberto's picture

Old friend, same story

Caught up with a very old friend last Friday, we had lost touch over the past few years but clearly should have been talking sooner and more often.

He has been through the exact same wringer with an NPD spouse!

Only worse, since his ex seems to be more evil than mine, and they have a 7 year old daughter. But holy cow, once we got talking - our relationships were written from the same script. The minimizing our needs, and deflection to the N's, gaslighting, the lies made out of truths, the using, all of it. Our reactions as well, how our boundaries were chipped away, our unwavering support through crisis after crisis, the fact that it was one crisis after another, isolation, the works.

Wow, that my oldest friend in the world would suffer the same fate, and we weren't talking about it for no good reason. He's about a year out from the final D&D, while I'm only at six weeks. He's finally in mostly a good place aside from trust issues, and I'm still struggling.

Big turning point personally, our get together and long discussion, making me feel better about just accepting my fate, mostly. Well, it helped a lot, but it's still early days for me.

Still wound up about the betrayal, and the lies. How she didn't really want me for years, but didn't want to let me go either - that's what really pains me. Every time I would question what was going on or why she is treating me so badly - immediate backpedal, apologize and reaffirm how much she loves me and how important I am to her. Yeah, now I know how important I was, and why.

Kicking myself for not reading up on anxiety as soon as she mentioned that was one of her problems. Could have led me here sooner, saved some pain. Still seeing coulds and shoulds, I know that doesn't help and I shouldn't "should".

Of course now I know that "anxiety" wasn't the problem, anxiety was a symptom of the greater problem. Anxiety was a convenient thing for her to put the blame on so she could feel like she was still a decent person. "It's not that I want to do this, my anxiety makes me do it" Well the anxiety isn't coming from anywhere else, so it must be all you!

Jan 13 - 3PM
Rora's picture

Don't kick yourself for not