Okay let me get this straight

Yes, this is the most puzzling and tortuous thing to accept, understand, and have closure with... That after all that time, they feel nothing and you mean nothing. They just move on and replace you immediately (including the times they cheated on you DURING the so-called relationship they had with you). And SUDDENLY they meet someone new and in a short time, claim that this new woman means the world to them and that they love them with all of their being. They go all out for this new woman, spend money to see and be with her, spread joys and cheers to his friends about how wonderful she is, and do all of the things they had long stopped doing with you...and only did with you in the very beginning. It makes no sense. And it's a hard pill to swallow. It makes you continue questioning yourself (as I wrote in another thread here) AND it DOES make you constantly compare yourself to the new woman, no matter what she looks and is like. You think, "Why is she so special? What about HER is making him pull out the red carpet for her when I could no longer get him to do that for x amount of years...and I did -everything- to try to make that happen again?? She just met him! Are they really happy? Is their connection real? Maybe I DID do something horribly wrong and am just not good partner material like this woman seems to be." I am still very much trying to heal and come to peace with all of this. It's painful and extremely hard. Just when I think I am healing, a trigger will send me back into the realm of misery and doubt. I flip flop back and forth between clarity and complete confusion and self-questioning. You feel like your own mind is a prison. No matter where you go, there you are, and you can't avoid/escape the pain that came with this person who left you emotionally betrayed, traumatized and confused about what exactly happened and went wrong. Meanwhile, he's in happy land with the new woman, totally carefree with his supportive cohorts and new love, and you continue to suffer and try to make sense of things...knowing all that you did was totally give your heart to someone and wondering how could that be a bad or wrong thing.

Dear zzcem. I think it's best and most helpful to think of it all in clinical terms - this allows objective distance to be possible between you and the situation. This allows everything you have experienced to be more effectively analyzed and a more productive development towards understanding and healing may then occur. Ns are wired up so poorly, so early on (see mummy/daddy/childhood trauma) that they will never recover. Some experts now class them as a sub-species for example Thomas Sheridan. They are automatons, machines, devoid of feeling, empty vessels endlessly trying to 'fix' the childhood trauma and fill their emptiness. This is achieved by abusing people - anyone will do - it isn't personal and they use a variety of techniques to achieve their aims. Most of their actions are based on simple conditioning (see psychology). Positive conditioning at first shovelled on with an industrial digger which sets up the addictive dynamic and then negative (a kick in the teeth is still reinforcement), then they mediate between the two but increasingly use only the negative and mix in gaslighting, projection, manipulation, pathological lying to leave you feeling almost insane and relying on them completely for validation as they're off looking for others to leech off once they have you addicted - the roller coaster. So machines that abuse and leech off everyone they can for personal gain (ego boost/financial etc), enjoying the process as they believe they are superior to everyone else (so we all deserve what we get) and not giving a shit ever, unable to feel, love, care - that's a psychopath. That's the short story. The long requires that we read, gain knowledge through books, videos (Sam Vaknin/Thomas Sheridan youtube), share experiences, work the tools, gain insight, work on our core issues that led us to be vulnerable, exercise/eat well for best physical/mental health, develop awareness, integrate our fractured parts and hopefully become a healthy, whole person ready to face any challenge and able to recognise the disordered at half a mile by scent alone! This requires hard work, it's a long process to recover from abuse but this allows us the time to really learn, understand, and heal.

You will never get it straight because you are not like them; in time you will come to understand their behavior but even a year out I am still puzzled how someone can share months, or years with you and throw you away like a broken appliance. Much like the concept - ok you served your purpose now you arent working so good anymore so time to trade you in for something new and different that will "supply" me with something different or better and newer. At one time you were GREAT supply to them, so if you want to count that as meaning something to them - thats about as close as it comes - your value to them was equal to what they saw in you for their purpose and/or agenda and nothing more. If he saw value in you for giving him a good image then maybe he will marry you, or live with you BUT NOT FOR LOVE, if he saw value in you for his sexual needs he will use you for that, and he will brainwash you into believing he loves you just as he does all his objects, - he will maintain and upkeep all the objects he needs to keep him high on his supply. That is the mindset and the life of a true psychopath. its very important to never never ever ever compare yourself to who he replaced you with - because we are one of the same; trading in an object for another object - just a DIFFERENT object - I suppose there are some sofas or appliances that are better looking than other models - but in the end its how the newer object serves them not so much what it looks like. Its like buying a new car, wow its exciting to get a new car you keep it cleaned and waxed and change the oil when you should and you just love driving your new car - but it doesnt stay new long - NOTHING stays new forever - and thats what people are like to them since they cant bond, love, connect nothing meaningful deepens in their relationships - it just wears out. REAL FREAKS arent they? like going out to dinner with a piece of plastic that cant feel anything - just a dummy like Sheridan explains that just sits across the table from ya and mirrors and mimics everything you say - yes dear, ok dear, no dear, whatever you say dear, then takes you home and masturbates with your body like you are just a plastic sex toy or something. It took me a long time to accept people like this exist but it even took me longer to accept I fell victim to one

Easily replaceable. They tell you what they think you want to hear while the getting is good and then they D&D you and tell new supply what they want to hear and then D&D them and so on and so forth. Once you understand that they are not coming from a heartfelt soulful place, it actually makes it easier to see them for who and what they are and to see what they are doing with others. I have seen this routine so many times now that I can pretty much tell you what they are going to do before they do it. They are like clockwork once you break the spell affecting you and the illusions you still hold on to. Once this happens, seeing what they are up to actually becomes relatively easy. I know this sounds difficult to imagine while you are in it, yet as you heal and begin to look at it from the outside looking in, they lose their hold, control, mystery, and actually begin to look fake, pathetic, and transparent. They lack substance and are not real and when you remain NC long enough they are no longer bigger than life; they become actually smaller than life and right sized for the disordered waste of time in your life that they are and always were. The only difference is that NOW, YOU can see who they truly are. Cardboard cutouts of real people. God bless, Goldie

This sounds about right?? PD's have been studied and restudied .. Even professionals have trouble figuring out the nitty gritties .. It is what is .. Psychopath freaks.. Awareness is the key to our future.. Hunter

Seems like you have a good understanding of things. Yes they don't feel love. They say they do, but it is only the supply they like and to them it's love. They don't care for others. Just bring up something that concerns you and not them and you will be treated like crap. At least that was my experience. All was well if focused on them. They like the feeling of being the center of someone else's universe. Ultimately they are only the center of their own. They like the attention and call it love. They don't attach. They may say they do, but they move on with alarming speed. That is something that is so difficult for many of us. We don't move on. They do, and often it is before they have finished with us, as it happened to you and also to me. Bottom line: they don't think normally, they don't act normally (though they put on a very convincing act, especially in the beginning) and it's because they aren't normal.

I was always saying, I can't wrap my head around what the narc did. I felt like I was hitting my head against a brick wall. I think when I began to see that I will never truly understand how somehow could be this way, it was a step to my healing. I read and watched the Sam videos, and though I have knowledge about their behavior, emotionally I couldn't grasp it. I think at this stage, it's about dealing with accepting what happen. They are disorder individuals, and we are not. So we cannot imagine hurting someone, especially children this way. I had to accept him for who he was, even if emotionally I'll never understand. Wish you the best on your healing journey.

Sharon Stone said,"Women may fake orgasms but men fake entire relationships" Yes the entire relationship was masturbation. He used you to masturbate his ego, to masturbate his image, to satisfy HIMSELF. It feels good at first but it's not love. It's lonely and superficial. We are disposable like an old shirt. Wear out the old one...get a new one...easy peasy. They do feel love...our love for THEM. But they are cracked (And crackers! With fractured psyche's)...they can't hold it...we can never fill them. It's not our fault.