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Ok time to get my act together

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#1 Feb 16 - 8AM
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Ok time to get my act together

Read all your posts thank you, I have been in denial, taking the easy option because I am scared.

And thats the truth, damn scared because I look to him for approval and to give my life meaning.

Six months..thats all I have been with him yet I am a shadow of my former self.

So its time to get my act together.

Thanks all for your help, I am going to step back on posting, not because I dont care about you all but because I have been offering advice and not taking my own so it feels false.

I will leave it to those further in to comment but I will be logging in, reading and wishing you all the best x

Feb 16 - 10AM
dazed
dazed's picture

I would also like to chime in

I would also like to chime in that I think you should continue to post. If everyone who is struggling (and we've all struggled) didn't post, then we'd all lose out. Aquabella said it well. There is something about reading of others struggles and commenting and advising them that is therapeutic. You don't have to have complete resolution from this experience to be credible. In fact detailing your struggles resonates with others going through the same things. And that helps to know they are not alone. Also, reaching out to others, whether it is here on this board or as a volunteer for those less fortunate, is empathic and giving. I think there is value in trying to help others. I have been out for close to 10 months. I read your posts. I see your struggles. But I also see your strengths and your good advice. And it has helped me. Your decision. But I think withdrawing is an overreaction to the turmoil in your life. This place, like no other, can help and won't add to your already full plate of emotions.
Feb 16 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Again thank you

I am just going to take a bit of time out..I am not withdrawing, I will be back..I just want to take a little time. I am posting this only to say I dont want anyone to worry that I have done something stupid, I just dont feel I have anything new to give. Just going to take a few days away, read, collect my thoughts and I will be back to annoy you all very soon I promise :) x
Feb 16 - 9AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Stepping back from posting is

Stepping back from posting is not a good idea. And your reasoning is all wrong. It's very theraupeutic to post. And your advice is very good, but more importantly, your optimism is very lifting to others. Sometimes, we can see the light and guide others to it with ease, but not seem to be able to guide ourselves. That's where the "support" comes in........you guide members, they guide you. Snowflake........never make it all or nothing, when we do that, we set ourselves up for failure. I myself, find your posts to be wonderful and inspiring, as I am sure the others do here as well. Please keep bringing your zest for life here to the forum, no need to take a back seat! Stay strong!
Feb 16 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Sparrow

Thank you, I dont want to seem like I am fishing for compliments...I just really like I am not the best person to advise at the moment..how can I post having made such a crappy job of NC. I just dont seem able to follow my own advice and I feel false dishing it out thats all x
Feb 16 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
aquabella
aquabella's picture

Very few of us, that are as

Very few of us, that are as early as you in the process of NC, are able to follow our own advice related to this. The frustrating fact is, that one of our most useful ego defenses, DENIAL, is just not necessary when looking at someone else's situation. It's crystal clear to someone looking in from outside. The denial only kicks in for YOUR issues and YOUR ego. That's why we come here, to get feedback from people who are not in our fog and can see our situation clearly. They may still be in their own fog, but they're not in ours, which makes their insight invaluable to us. I know it feels hypocritical, but no one here thinks that. Most people have lived through and understand the terribly difficult first stages of NC and do not judge us. If someone doesn't understand that, it's their issue, not yours (otherwise, I'd have to stop posting too). I, personally, find your posts comforting and inspiring. You're honest about falling down, and you always come back a little stronger than before. I hope you will continue to post. xoxo Lynn
Feb 16 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I can respect that, so I

I can respect that, so I won't push it. All I will say when you are ready, feel free to post. You don't need to be an authority on something or successful at something in order to be supportive. Think about it. Your pom-pom's will be greatly missed. :)
Feb 16 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
nextphase
nextphase's picture

Snowflake

Please don't stop posting. From what I am reading (and I'm new to the site), every single one of us is going through the same thing.. some of us are just at different phases of recovery/coping/dealing. If you stop talking to us, will you fall into a place where you are feeling so down that you will slowly but surely establish regular contact with the N again? Perhaps you need us all to tell you how much it helps us all to read your story, your progress, and even when you feel as if you are backsliding. I have been NC for such a short period of time overall, and I know I don't have to tell you how difficult that is to maintain. Over 30 times I have failed to remain NC.. OVER 30 TIMES! This is the longest I have ever gone. It's this site, reading books about NPD, and sharing with everyone here that is helping me stay NC the most, so please, don't leave us!