ok, so why did it feel so right in his arms

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#1 Sep 7 - 10AM

Anonymous (not verified)

ok, so why did it feel so right in his arms

I dont get this part at all....why when there was no distance between us be got along perfectly....laying in bed, cuddling...hugging, kissing....why??

Im having a rough time today it will almost be a month NC...the longest he has gone without contacting me.....it is tough to swallow I never meant anything to him....nothing.

He supposedly was going NC for both of us, so both of us could heal.

Mornings are rough.

#2 Sep 7 - 12PM

Scoop

This is the same for me . I

This is the same for me . I dont think i would be half as messed up if all the hugging and kissing and just lying in bed thing wasnt so perfect .This is where the head f**k is .It felt like there was an energy coming from him that i needed , he would hug me and i would feel right , comforted and just great . How could someone with no heart produce such comfort ? Is beyond reason and the one thing i miss so much . I worry that i will never find anyone that can make me feel like this again . I understand where you are coming from Destiny . This morning i cryed on and off till lunch .Now i feel ok but maybe tomorrow it will kick in again .Yesterday he invited me to a party by text , i didnt answer , i wrote on here instead but it was a very dicey moment . So if we got back together there would be a few weeks where it would be amazing and then like every last time the slow dissection of my self esteem till i would be back here counting the days of no contact again . Or i would go and meet him and think we will get back together and then he will pull the "SUPRISE " and say we are just friends like the time when he did that before . (incidently when he said we where just friends we where in bed cuddling , semi naked and he was stoking my hair , times have moved on since my day because i go bowling with my friends or the pub , i dont recall getting into bed with them lol). Such is the twisted perverted mind of a narcissist . Peru x

#3 Sep 7 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

destiny (not verified)

I dont know how they produce

I dont know how they produce such comfort either...thru all of our 'separations' it was that I missed the most. Like you he would meet me halfway (we were long distance) and as soon as I hugged him that was it...I was back having feelings....and he supposedly felt the same, but the last time I hugged him he was so rigid and cold...and said he had to get back inside before he broke down. I have to keep reminding myself after our beyond wonderful date on Valentines day he had phone sex with the OW....and I had always suspected it but he denied it...and I found out from her a few weeks ago. I dont think i will ever get any of this...get how he could just walk away so easily this time, with no calls or texts.

#4 Sep 7 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

Barbara (not verified)

here's how

The early days of being wooed and lured by a pathological are the most exciting times that women remember. Consistently described as â€œcharmingâ€ the pathological is irresistible in his personality traits. Women described him as â€œa charming and engaging conversationalist, agreeable, insightful, sweet, twinkling eyes, a compelling talker, funny, a great storyteller, fun to be with, delightful, exciting, companionable, loyal, enthusiastic, upbeat, fun-loving, intense, and sensitive.â€ From this list of traits, itâ€™s easy to see why women are enamored with his personality. By this list, whatâ€™s not to like? During the luring stage, he is highly complimentary. Pathologicals use intensity and then flattery to overwhelm her emotionally, and then set her at ease. The purpose of the luring stage is to hook her. The purpose of the honeymoon stage is to hoodwink her. In the pathologicalâ€™s arsenal to achieve this hooking and hoodwinking, is any person, place, thing, word, or behavior that will sell her on his illusion. While she is reeling in flattery, swimming in the bonding-hormone oxytocin (from all the sex), and snuggling up to his stories of their future lives togetherâ€¦ the pathological is solidifying his internal imprint in her by his use of trance & mind control and capitalizing on her suggestibility. Sandra Brown, MA - WOMEN WHO LOVE PSYCHOPATHS How could he walk away so easily? BECAUSE HE IS NOT HUMAN AND FEELS NOTHING. THEY CAN NOT 'FEEL' - nada zip. They are PREDATORS!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#5 Sep 7 - 10PM (Reply to #9)

cynthia (not verified)

oops had contact

Thank God he didnt mess with me, it was more or less how have you been doing etc and it was short, interesting enough though I could hear for the first time the fake charm he was giving me I didnt melt like I normally did months ago because I knew none of it was real and that is not who he is, too bad I thought to myself this person is just acting, what a waste. Here is a twist I did say to him how are you and your girl doing, any marriage plans, I told him you two should tie the knot, he was rather taken when I said that I guess because I wasnt jealous in the least bit I actually wished him well and pretty much dismissed him giving him the impression I really didnt care what he did with his life, told him NOTHING of my life just that I was busy with work he asked if we could get together and I said I have lost my appeal and have moved on with my life, ya right but he will never know the hours of work I have done to untangle myself from him and all his destruction and I have no job, I was very indifferent and oh he was sooo charming, I wanted to say whats wrong recycling some old supplies? Are you masturbating hearing my voice pervert? I imagine my name came up in his little black book of supply, well he didnt get much from me. They just keep on doing what they always do, it so true what they say, we change in order to move on.

#6 Sep 7 - 10PM (Reply to #10)

quietude (not verified)

cynthia

Good for staying strong during that conversation, and realizing you can keep that wall up and not let him in. That must have really been weird! He's got the message (even if just temporary in a narc's brain)..."not interested". Now, take it one step further by completely slamming and locking that door....and block him, period.

#7 Sep 7 - 10PM (Reply to #11)

cynthia (not verified)

SO SAD

I know, I have to slam that door to everything I thought he was and everything I ever wanted, sometimes I feel so sad that I will never see this person again they are so hard to release, guess I am sad because I am mourning the dream. It was weird alright I had a few tears trickle down my face when talking to him but he never knew it, my eyes filled up - when I hung up I cried pretty hard and said, WHY WERENT YOU REAL, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO BE DEFORMED, what a waste!!!

#8 Sep 7 - 3PM (Reply to #4)

destiny (not verified)

thanks barbara. I think

thanks barbara. I think what is difficult for me is the last two times he vanished he either stayed in contact or contacted me two weeks later. I have to just get it through my head that he is a predator.

#9 Sep 7 - 3PM (Reply to #8)

dolce (not verified)

destiny

I understand the way you feel. I am coming out of that feeling more and more, but in the beginning, I just didnt get it. Now, my guy was no genius as far as I was concerned. So how could he think all these manipulations up? I see now, that he maybe wasn't as smart as he was devious. I see what has happened since he left. How he conned his family. How he did actually plan this to hurt me. He said once. "Why dont you ever believe me? EVERYTHING that comes out of my mouth isnt a lie!" Sounds like an admission of guilt to me. This stuff is painful. No doubt. A friend said to me today, "Maybe he really IS sorry and you should think about taking him back." My response.."Just watched Sex in the City, didn't you?".

#10 Sep 7 - 3PM (Reply to #5)

Barbara (not verified)

destiny

You need to get it through your head that he is NOT HUMAN (this is not a joke. He is NOT HUMAN in any sense of the word) http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/08/25/you-are-merely-narcissists-prey http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/10/charmer-abusers-and-their-prey.html Hope you're in therapy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

#11 Sep 7 - 11PM (Reply to #6)

destiny (not verified)

barbara

Yes, I am in therapy only a few sessions so far though...but I called the day after the D&D...this is my third D&D and I knew I needed therapy. It is really tough to accept he is a fraud and mentally ill even though deep down I know it. I know I dont want to go back ever...last D&D's i did want back...not this time. I get furious at myself sometimes for not kicking him out of my life in May..

#12 Sep 8 - 6AM (Reply to #7)

Barbara (not verified)

destiny - remember

remember - mental illness can usually be managed these creatures have PERSONALITY DISORDERS. their brains are LITERALLY DIFFERENT and they are incurable. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

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