Ok, I'm struggling today

I'm struggling today. I'm good with NC, but my thoughts are driving me crazy. I just don't understand that when my friends ask me about my exN or why I was depressed, I just break out in tears. When do I get over the pain? Why does it bother me soooo much? It's been almost three months since the D&D and three weeks NC.

I was talking to my cousin this weekend, and we were just talking about things, my dad, my life, my ex, etc. Where I was at, how I was feeling. When the ex came up, she was just like he's just a fraud and she really knows anything about Narcissist! I was trying to explain to her what it was and of course, here comes the tears. As we were talking she says to me at one point, why do you keep blaming yourself, why do you make it like it was your fault or bring it back to yourself? You did nothing wrong, HE was wrong!! So why can't I get that through my head?!

Then I saw an ex of mine (we work at the same place) who is still so in love with me and he was asking me why why I out of work, why was I saw depressed, and again here comes the tears. I had to walk away from him.

Then I was talking to my girlfriend at lunch and we were talking about things and the exN comes up, and I can feel myself fighting the tears again. She was telling me that I wouldn't have even dealt with him in the first place! Someone who was legally separated. And the person I was before wouldn't have dealt with his crap when he started D&Ding me. Why was I so weak?! Why when it first happened did I not just say this is bullshit and he is crazy and walked away???!!! So out of character for me.

And just a little while ago, I was on FB and one of my friends who is his friend posted a pic of her ex boyfriend who is 6'5", and handsome, who she says is a jerk and his name pops up cause he commented on her post. And I can see the flirtation with her and some other girl (of course my exN is 6'4" and handsome). And that just sent me over the edge!!! They just think he is sooooo great!!!!!

Hate that I'm like this. Hate that I think about him constantly!!! I want him OUT OF MY MIND!!!! I don't want to deal with this pain. I don't know how to make the tears stop at the mere mention of his name! Why can't I just accept and move on???