OK FRIENDS, IVE BEEN HOLDING BACK, I MET SOMEONE, AM SO CONFUSED PLEASE HELP

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#1 May 9 - 3PM

jaycee

OK FRIENDS, IVE BEEN HOLDING BACK, I MET SOMEONE, AM SO CONFUSED PLEASE HELP

I didnt post about this situation yet, I met a really nice guy, well, i was reacquainted with a really nice guy, hes not great looking, a little on the heavy side, but has the best, i mean the best personality, ever, hes kind, funny, open, honest, and a millionaire to boot. the problem is, my fucked up situation with my obsession with my hN and his ow..........as you all know.......lol.....this new guy, took me out Friday night, Saturday night and to lunch today, He absolutely crazy about me, i can tell, but was hoping he wouldnt say.......finally he told me today, when he called to thank me and my daughter for having lunch with him, oh and by the way, he invited my daughter as well, she loved him, thought he was so funny and so cool.etc.....nothing like dad she said.....ok, so lets get down to it, he told me, im 50 years old, not into the bar scene, i love to travel, love to spend money, because i worked so hard for it, and its mine to spend, would love to spend it on me, as you know my hN never brought me anywhere or bought me anything to speak of, etc...but he told me and i quote, "Im absolutely crazy about you, and want to know if you want the same things I want, lets be honest, i dont want to waste my time or end up being hurt, if you are looking for something totally different, I would love to see how things go, and see if it would work, I think youre beautiful, funny, kind and a little twisted, but i love everything about you, i wouldnt want you to change, i love the way you constantly repeat yourself (bad habit due to stress from hN) I love the way you dress, and I absolutely have always loved you, but you were always married, but now you are not, so take some time think about it and let me know if you are interested and having a real relationship with someone who thinks the world of you.........oh God, girls, im fucked, i dont know how i feel, i love talking to him, hes a fucking riot, i love the way he just says it like it is, i love that ive know him forever, but never had much to do with him, just have known what a great guy he is, everyone i know loves him, they think hes a great person, stand up guy, and too boot, hes still really good friends with his first and only wife, they had no children, and have been divorced for years, i think 14years, hes lived with two other women, one for four years and the other on and off for quite a few years........hes smart, a financial wizard, and the most generous man ive ever know, so what the fuck do i do, please help me.......i dont want to pass him up, but my stomach is in knots about my hN and his ow, still, so what do i do, try this out for a distraction, and maybe i will feel more for him and forget the hN and his ow, or be honest to myself and say, yeah, i would love to be into it, but am too stubborn to get over the hN and his lousy ow, i really think i really believe there is no possible way to love my hN hes such a prick to me, and to be honest, i looked at him today and he looks like shit, like hes going to drop dead at any moment, his skin looks green, the whites of his eyes are yellow, he looks sooooo fucking fat and unhealthy, hes totally on another cycle of steriods, and i really hate him.......tell me what to do, and ps, this guy is so unnarc, i dont think i would know what to do with him lol

#2 May 11 - 11AM

neverlookback

RED FLAG

I am waving the read flag at you, I am jumping up and down and waving both the red flags. Jaycee lets say this man was normal (relatively speaking) its much much much too soon for ANYTHING with ANYBODY. There is nothing more I would want than for a perfect rich kind prince to save you from all this (even if the prince is sort of ugly) but real life doesnt work that way only in the movies. He is coming on way to fast, and again I am still giving him the benefit of the doubt that he is not a wack job, - still professing all this always adored you crap, mmmmmmm ???? This is indeed interesting I will have to admit, now YOU have someone that has $$$$$$$$ coming after you. I would not get involved sweet pea, as much as you deserve to be cherished and loved and even if this man was the real thing you are not ready period. You have been through hell these past couple of months you should be focusing on some extensive counseling getting yourself back and feeling good about yourself and someday you will be ready to have a healthy relationship. If I were single I could never be ready to enter any kind of relationship with a man at this time in my life. I just need to be surrounded by my friends and my children and need lots of love and support without confusing my life further with the needs of some man that is interested in me. So tell shrek the time was not right, you dont need any further stress or confusion in your life right now. x0x0x0

#3 May 11 - 12PM (Reply to #13)

jaycee

nlb, thank you

thank you for your response and feeling protective of me....i love that.....but i have to tell you, i have never felt better about myself in the last twenty five years, not specifically because of shrek, but because i finally realized there is a life for me somewhere other than in this hell. ive been smiling happy laughing and just feeling pretty good about me. i know in my heart, its not normal for someone to come on to strong too fast, but i also know nobody could ever hurt me like my hN ever, i wouldnt let that happen, guess why, i will never be with someone who i want more than they want me, ever again. so im going to enjoy the brief ride and maybe i will make a really good friend for life from this, i dont mean marriage or even a big life long relationship i mean a really nice person to have as a friend. and it doesnt hurt that he has so many connections, i may get myself a really good full time job out of it as well........xoxo

Jaycee

#4 May 11 - 1PM (Reply to #14)

neverlookback

I will

Private message you i have to go to work now -

#5 May 10 - 12PM

jaycee

dont misunderstand, hes no prince charming, hes shrek

trust me hes no prince charming, hes my shrek, and he is willing to waiting as long as it takes to see what i want, but he said he wants to be honest about what hes looking for, and i like that, i dont want to hurt him, so i will take my time and decide how i want things to be, but on a great note, my hN seems like such a scumbag compared to this kind soul.........my hN couldnt shine his shoes......and now i look at my hN today and say what was i thinking

Jaycee

#6 May 10 - 6AM

WellRed

Go out with him and have a

Go out with him and have a good time. Like he said - just see where it leads. I am happy for you :-)

#7 May 10 - 5AM

madashell

go for it

I`d go for it...Why pass up a really great bloke for some assole,he`s not going to wait around forever waiting for you to decide.You will spend the rest of your life if you don`t thinking what if..

#8 May 10 - 4AM

michele115 (not verified)

Jaycee

I am happy that at least there is a "pang" to move forward, that in and of itself is incredible progress...I don't even WANT to think about a man right now...I don't hate them, but don't respect them much so have opted to stay away...but we all deal with our feelings differently, and I totally get how we might perceive a "distraction" might do us some good BUT... and this time, what is following the BUT is not B.S. In the vulnerable state we're in when recovering, especially from such a traumatic situation, we really need to give ourselves time to figure ourselves out. There is no way early on we can do that with the "crutch" of a distraction. Unfortunately, the odds of that distraction ultimately turning out to be against our higher good is pretty significant. Right now, most of us are still trying to figure out WHO WE ARE...if we're lost in that, if we are not whole in OUR center, how can we possibly think we're in a position to judge whether someone else is a good fit when we haven't quite figured out what our NEW needs are? SO, while I totally understand your logic, thinking and feelings, I am just concerned that out of all the unhappiness, suffering and anguish you've been feeling, the temporary band-aid won't really cure the "bullet wound" that in fact, we need to give ourselves sufficient time to heal, so that we can be whole and not only have a better idea of who we are, and what we want, but so like you said we can operate from a place of already feeling complete, whole and filled and instead of leaning on someone to meet our needs, we can approach the relationship on equal footing receiving and reciprocating without excess baggage and/or trauma. Hugs!

#9 May 10 - 4AM

jaycee

he really is a nice guy its me i fear

he really is a nice guy its me i fear, i fear that i may be using him for a distraction, yet, i really enjoy talking to him, hes so nice, and yes, i have know him for a very long time, hes a stand up guy, but hes also at a point in his life where he is looking to settle down, but i am looking to move on and would never want to hurt him, i dont fear him at all, i fear me, hes absolutely taken by me, and very very generous and kind. nothing at all like my hN, nothing, so not into his looks, yet hes clean cut, knows hes not good looking and jokes about it, and i laugh and tell him hes ugly and he cracks up, i tell him hes shrek, lol, and he loves how honest and funny i am. i dont believe hes trying to move fast, but he told me straight out if im not looking to possibly have a real relationship then im not for him and to think about it and let him know, and we not to worry we would always be friends.......hes very kind, he knows how much i miss my son and offered to send my daughter and i to see him for a long weekend, i thought that was sweet, but then again, if you like someone as a friend, and you know they cannot afford much, and you have it, why not give it........i would do the same. and for all of you who have asked, yes, i was in therapy, didnt end up liking the woman, and am now searching for someone new. i want to see someone at least once a week, and find a way to stop obsessing. but actually, having a distraction, one that you truly enjoy, absolutely helps with the obsessing. i dont think i thought about my hN and ow more than once last night, thats huge for me. so wish me luck and pray i never hurt anyone even a tenth of how ive been hurt, i could never live with myself, as for me getting hurt, nothing could ever compare to what my hN did to me. so i dont fear that at all........thanks girls, you may not be professionals, but you sure damn know how to help a friend. xoxo

Jaycee

#10 May 9 - 6PM

findingmeagain

Things are going too fast and

Things are going too fast and noone is that perfect he got to have some flaws. Remember what happened with the last prince charming he turned into a hideous frog. He needs to pipe down some too he is much too eager. If I was you I would put some distance between all this and go at a slower pace.

#11 May 9 - 6PM

Tinker

is it just me??

jaycee - this is the first time you sound happy! let's see, your choice is to sit and obsess over the ex-incredible steroid hulk or a nice guy who thinks you're wonderful and makes you happy?? he's an angel sent to you to show you that there's good in the world and to get your mind focused on the positive. you should def be in therapy but you can't trust your instincts right now, the N has screwed those up for awhile. take it VERY VERY slow, but move forward. don't look back!! GOOD LUCK!

#12 May 9 - 5PM

michele115 (not verified)

Jaycee

Give it time...more than that, I fear red flags AGAIN...this is how they start out...Prince Charmings, the perfect dream and then they crap all over you. I am sure he can spot vulnerability a mile away. If you can remain detached, nothing wrong with a few nice dinners, BUT you are nowhere near ready yet...as most of us are including myself. Hugs!

#13 May 9 - 4PM

Steph

Jaycee, I know I have asked

Jaycee, I know I have asked several times if you are in therapy....i'm asking again though, are you in therapy and if not, why not. You are absolutely right to realize that you are not in the right head space to be dating anyone. It isn't fair to use a potentially nice guy for "distraction". But, unless you start taking steps to get over your ex and the OW, you will never be in the right head space to move on. It's all about choices at this point:) Wish you all the best of luck:) xoxo

#14 May 9 - 3PM

Hunter

Yes, Jaycee, You are very

Yes, Jaycee, You are very confused! You need to see a thearpist! Your problems are very deep, we are not professionals. You must seek professional help to sort this all out ! Hunter

#15 May 9 - 3PM

SoaperGirl

Sounds like things are moving pretty fast to me

It kind of sounds like there is something going on inside you that doesn't want to proceed. Listen to your gut. If you do want to continue seeing him, I think you should slow things down and get to know each other at a more relaxed pace.

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