Oh silly girl ...

So I had some free time @ work this afternoon so I decided to scroll thru old emails between narc and I! Boy was that fun... NOT!

It was a way to self inflict pain when I read the ' nice ' things. To think that Someone could write " from the heart" and with such passion and emotion. Then I read the up down up down msgs ( roller coaster fights and emotions), where I'm writing about what a rat he is, how much I don't trust him and his responses about me not opening up and giving love... That he had been waiting for me to believe in him.

What a trip down narc-hole lane! Made me a little bit sick as I went back in time and felt the same emotions as when I wrote those emails. Silly me !! I think sometimes jolting myself with pain helps me progress ( as weird as that sounds) though it also hurts because the words of " love" I now know were fake and I instead messed myself up by playing a game with a disordered person :(.

Ahhh I'm getting there. Feeling like a fool stage- still being worked on, working on my insecurities, still pending, ridding him from my life never to be seen again - nearly accomplished ( well it is accomplished, now just for the memories to go ).

Time time time time time will heal all wounds.., -*sigh*

Lovely1 x