Oh my god - please make this be closure for me!

Hi
Well, what a day I've had. I had unblocked Ex Narc from FB stupidly, and I know I should have blocked him again but I didn't. Anyway, I was sure that he was looking at my profile and my pics from my night out at the weekend. I have a suspicion that he may also have spotted the 'All About Him' Page and had a gander.
Anyway, Mr Postman knocks at my door this morning with a letter which was sent recorded delivery from 'HIM'. It took me a while to pluck up the courage to read it but I did in the end. It was 'straight from him heart'. He apologised for not treating me the way he should have done. Told me that he will always be in love with me etc etc. All the usual emotionally draining stuff that leaves you completely and utterly speechless and open. I was a complete wreck afterwards and was shaking so much. I couldn't believe what he was saying. He was kinda making himself sound as though he was not a narc (that's why I think he has looked on the FB page).

I stupidly sent him a FB message telling him how he had made me feel while we were together but also telling him that I was completely broken. I said that he could give me a ring too. How stupid.

He sent me the following message back:

I really didn't expect to hear back from you. But thankyou so much for messaging me.

I've picked up the phone ten times in the last couple of hours but I cannot press dial. I WANT to (really do), but I'm too afraid. Terrified. But it would be nice to hear your voice at some time soon. I never was 'confused'. I was always terrified.

You did far more right than wrong, and yes, I fully accept that I was a poor excuse for a partner. I spent far too much time and energy worrying about my illness and how I had failed you. It consumed me. as did my money worries that I never shared with you (stupid pride). I will never forgive myself for all of this. When my time on this Earth comes to an end it will be my single biggest regret.

I do understand why you felt you had to try to 'get back at me' with that call and the texts etc.. It ripped my heart out because I knew I hadn't done anything and still loved you with every atom of my being. But what's done is done. I hope you can forgive me as I forgive you. Again, I'm sorry that I hurt you as that was the absolute last thing that I ever wanted.

I don't have the MRI scan results yet but hope to have them in the next few weeks. It was truly awful.

I hope that I can pluck up the courage to speak to you soon

Luckily, I phoned his first wife, who I am very good friends with now. She told me that his new girlfriend had been staying over at his house and that his kids and her kids were bonding etc. I was in shock, but luckily, because of this lifesaving site, I kind of expected it. I now have no doubt in my mind that he is a 100% narc.

Below are the remainder of the FB messages between us. I have used some very very foul language, and I also told him outright that he is a narc. I hope that was an ok thing to do. I've attached all the messages as I really really need you to confirm that he is a narc.

Me: Oh, by the way, does your new girlfriend know that you have sent me that letter??? Not sure if she would appreciate it??

Natc: No she doesn't. But I sent it not because I want you back, but because I want to make peace, and learn from my mistakes. You taught me to say whats on my my mind. What's in the past is on the past, and I just wanted to be friends as you always said we would be. I did tell her that. In some detail. Just because I'm with someone doesn't mean that I have to hate you, or I have to forget how I felt for you. It doesn't matter how nasty you are to me, I won't be nasty back. I really wish that you could accept that what I say is the truth. X

Me: Fuck you
go fuck someone else's life up, you demented twat!!

Narc: Ok. I hope you and kids are ok. Let go of your anger or it will consume you.

Me: so much for it will take me years to get over you etc etc. Bullshit!!! Did you do the same to Kim too, send her a love letter while you were with me?? Is that why she was begging you to take her back and nearly ended her life??? You sad bastard!!! Always thought it was odd how both your ex wives lost their minds and ran off with other guys. No wonder!!! I had a very lucky escape in my eyes. I will meet someone, when I am ready, as I am not in any rush like some people, that will treat me the way I deserve to be treated and not make me lose my fucking mind!!! You are a sad, pathetic human being. Our whole relationship was a fucking lie on your part. You are a lying cheating scumbag. I do actually curse the day that you came into my life with all your bullshit. You treated me like a whore. You are vile!!!! You fucking violated me. I still feel sick when I think about your perverted fantasies and acts. Anger is good Alan!!! It's the only feeling I will ever have for you, apart from pity that is!!!! Fuck you!!!!

Me: oh and your lovely letter, well its in the bin where it belongs!!! You shouldn't have wasted the paper and ink!! What a load of bollocks. Everyone told me I could do better than you and I definitely can. i feel so sorry for your kids - mummy number 4 in the pipeline, and so so soon. Take a look at what you are doing to them!!!! It's just a script to you, a pattern that you follow. You don't care who you hurt in the process!!

Narc: Ok. Thankyou for your opinion. And it wasn't a love letter. It was closure, and was intended to male you feel better. As I said, I just wanted to be friends, Why not actually ASK Kim? As far as Kayla goes, im sure that shes been having her say. She did mention that she would have her revenge. I have never cheated on anyone. Also, it was you that came into MY life, I didn't chase you. I completely understand why you are being like this. You will not force me to be angry with you

Me: FACE THE FACTS, YOU ARE A FULL BLOWN NARCISSIST - HOW SAD IS THAT - I have studied it for weeks now and you are a prime specimen - goodbye

And I blocked him off FB!!! I now see that the letter was just the bait to see if I would fall at his feet again' but luckily I didn't. I never ever want to hear from him again. I am really hurt and angry but I feel like this is the closure that I needed. What an arsehole. I hate him so much.

Thanks for reading all this garbage.

Sarah xxxx